Ryanne
Probst

Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).

Stuff I Wrote

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 8

By Ryanne Probst

Well, Bachelor fam, the end is in sight.

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 7

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back Bachelor fans to another week where Colton didn’t jump the fence because that is definitely all I’m watching for at this point.

I Marie Kondo'd The Guys In My Phone & Deleted Everyone Who Doesn't Spark Joy

By Ryanne Probst

If you have working eyes and ears, then you probably already know that the internet is freaking tf out over Netflix’s latest hate-watch Tidying Up, which is all about the KonMari method of organizing.

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 6

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, Bachelor fam!

‘Riverdale’ Recap: Justice For Kevin

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, Riverdale fam!

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 5

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, Bachelor fans, to another Monday where we get to watch a grown-ass man defend his sexual choices (or lack thereof).

‘Riverdale’ Recap: Personally Victimized By Veronica’s Hat

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Wednesday, which for some of us means it’s time to wind down with the acid trip that is season three of Riverdale.

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 4

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back to the best Bachelor recap you’ll ever read, according to me and the select few friends I’ve blackmailed strongly encouraged to endorse me in the comments section.

'You's Joe Is Toxic And Crazy—But He's Also What I'd Want In A Man

By Ryanne Probst

In case you missed it, the internet is flipping tf out over Netflix’s newest binge watch You, starring none other than Dan Humphrey himself.

‘Riverdale’ Recap: Archie Debuts His Breakup Hair

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back once again, people, to another wild Wednesday night in Riverdale.

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 3

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, betches, to your regularly scheduled Bachelor recap!

‘Riverdale’ Recap: Archie Goes On A Vision Quest

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, Riverdale fans!

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 2

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, friends, to your regularly scheduled Bachelor recap!

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 23, Week 1

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, Bachelor Nation!

A Definitive Ranking Of Miley Cyrus’ Exes

By Ryanne Probst

In case you missed it, a Christmas miracle took place last weekend, and I’m not even talking about my mother uttering the words “you were right” in my presence.

Chad Johnson Talks His New Show & Being Done With 'Bachelor' Girls

By Ryanne Probst

Christmas came a little early this year people because the new season of MTV’s Ex on the Beach premiers TONIGHT at 8pm ET and it’s about to be more lit than my Aunt Alice at Christmas dinner.

‘Riverdale’ Recap: I Need A Drink

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back to your regularly scheduled Riverdale recap!

ABC Is Trolling Colton So Hard With This 'Bachelor' Poster

By Ryanne Probst

It’s only one month until ABC starts holding us all hostage with the flaming garbage that is the Bachelor franchise, and their newest Bachelor is already getting trolled.

'Riverdale' Recap: But They Were End Game

By Ryanne Probst

After a brief hiatus, Riverdale is back on its bullsh*t to its regularly scheduled programing.

This Advice On 'How To Find A Husband' From A 1958 Women’s Magazine Is Wild

By Ryanne Probst

Thanksgiving—or, as I like to call it: Dinner in Hell—is nearly upon us, which means soon not only will you have to pretend to like your mother’s gluten-free stuffing, but you’ll also have to put up with the black cloud that descends upon your family dinner table once a year in the form of your nosiest and most racist relatives.

'Riverdale' Recap: A Diabolical Teen Fight Club

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, people, to another thrilling episode of Riverdale!

BREAKING: ‘Bachelor’ Stars Arie And Lauren Are About To Be Parents

By Ryanne Probst

Well, well, well.

'Riverdale' Recap: The Breakfast Club Wants Their Plot Lines Back

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Wednesday, which means I’m back on my bullsh*t, but luckily so are the writers of Riverdale.

Are Khloé Kardashian And Tristan Thompson Still Together? We Investigate

By Ryanne Probst

For those of you who Keep Up on a regular basis, you know it’s a full-time f*cking job.

'Riverdale' Recap: How Many Cults Can One Town Have?

By Ryanne Probst

This week I’m just going to jump right into the Riverdale recap, because there’s only so many jokes I can make about the writers of this godforsaken show (but let’s just say they continue to test my f*cking sanity with every new plot device they introduce).

Riverdale Recap: Riverdale Is Broken

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back, people, to another thrilling episode of Riverdale!

'Riverdale' Recap: Good Luck In Prison, Archie

By Ryanne Probst

Brace yourselves, betches, because Riverdale is BACK and so is my will to live.

Is Noah Centineo A Thirst Trap?

By Ryanne Probst

If you watched Netflix’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and have a pulse, then you’re probably as obsessed with Peter Kavinsky as we are.

Jenna Cooper Claims To Have Posted 'Proof' Those Texts Are Fake

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, just when we thought the Jordan/Jenna drama from Bachelor in Paradise was over, Jenna went and dropped another bombshell last night on her Instagram.

Is LinkedIn Creepy?

By Ryanne Probst

A friend recently brought to my attention that the popular job-seeking social media platform LinkedIn “might be creepy.” “Why do you say that?” I asked her, genuinely curious, because as a creative, the only messages I receive on that site are from dudes telling me their wives love my Bachelor recaps and LinkedIn job recruiters letting me know that my degree in creative writing has qualified me for a job opening in janitorial services.

Book Series To Binge While You Wait For 'Game Of Thrones' To Come Back

By Ryanne Probst

Summer is officially over and I know this because yesterday a girl in Uggs spilled her pumpkin spice latte all over me.

All Of Arie Luyendyk Jr's Cringiest Moments In Honor Of His Birthday

By Ryanne Probst

Today is a very special day, people!

Bekah M. From ‘The Bachelor’ Is Pregnant

By Ryanne Probst

If you thought we’d finally stop writing about Bachelor gossip until at least January when Colton loses his virginity the new season of The Bachelor airs, think again, people, because this just in: Bekah M.

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Finale, Night 1

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, we’re back for (supposedly) the last week of this season of Bachelor in Paradise.

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 5, Night 2

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, once again I find myself shackled to a couch for two hours watching scantily clad twentysomethings butcher the meaning of “witchcraft.” Ah, Bachelor in Paradise, it’s good to be home! I didn’t watch last night’s episode because I was busy living my life, but I did see that Colton and Tia are no longer.

The Best ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4, Night 2

By Ryanne Probst

It’s barely been 24 hours since America cancelled Leo for being a manipulative piece of sh*t, and already I have to watch a repeat of him gaslighting Kendall.

The Best ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4, Night 1

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back to another thrilling week of Bachelor in Paradise!

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 3, Night 2

By Ryanne Probst

Tonight on Bachelor in Paradise, Jenna wakes up the morning after the rose ceremony with the realization that Jordan will do anything for an infinitesimal amount of fame, including murdering a stuffed animal on national television.

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 3, Night 1

By Ryanne Probst

Welcome back to Bachelor in Paradise!

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2, Night 2

By Ryanne Probst

Look, I’m not even going to bother with pleasantries anymore.

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2, Night 1

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, here we are again.

The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 1

By Ryanne Probst

Good morning idiot hookers, and welcome back to another exciting season of Bachelor in Paradise!

The Best ‘Bachelorette’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Final Rose

By Ryanne Probst

Well ladies, we’re here, we’ve made it.

The Best ‘Bachelorette’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Men Tell All

By Ryanne Probst

This week on The Bachelorette, ABC is gifting us with a giant waste of our time The Men Tell All, and I for one cannot wait to watch Jason and Colton try and out-cry each other for the next two hours of my life.

The Trashiest NYC Bars That Will Ruin Your Life

By Ryanne Probst

As someone who’s braved the streets of New York for several years now (someone please buy me a medal), I can confidently say that living in New York certainly has its perks.