For those of you who Keep Up on a regular basis, you know it’s a full-time f*cking job. Not only do you have to tune in on Sundays, but also every other day of the week. You need to deep dives into their social media so you can figure out WTF is happening. It’s exhausting but someone’s got to
be this committed to avoiding doing actual work do it. And nothing is more exhausting than trying to figure out if Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are still together.
Last spring, Tristan proved that men are unfit to live in society and should be caged at all times when he cheated on Khloé while she was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT by motorboating a bunch of randos he met at a club. As if little baby True didn’t have enough issues to bring up with her future therapist, now she can add “daddy issues” to the long list. Since then Khloé has been v v quiet about WTF is going on between her and Tristan despite the fact that I am heavily invested in their relationship and need answers immediately.
KHLOÉ: *chooses to keep very personal issues of her private life private*
Sources say the couple has been on “rocky terms” ever since the scandal broke but, like, what does that even mean? Like, how rocky is it? Is it like they’re in couples therapy but Tristan still sleeps on the couch kind of rocky? Or more like he’s allowed to breathe near baby True but only during supervised visits? WHAT IS THE TRUTH? And with the cheating episode airing on KUWTK this Sunday (!!!) it’s important that we have answers now more than ever. I’m not trying to get hurt again, ya know? Let’s take a look at the evidence, shall we?
1. Her Instagrams
Tristan has been suspiciously missing from Khloé’s IG for MONTHS now. If there’s a stronger indicator for a relationship falling apart than that, I don’t know it what is. Since the cheating scandal, her feed has been a constant stream of baby photos and thirst traps. I guess motherhood only changes you so much. Tristan did make a quick appearance in August when Khloé posted about her weekend getaway to Mexico but, like, at the very back of the photo reel and their bodies weren’t even touching. If there’s one thing I know about the Kardashians it’s how much they looove to flaunt their asses and significant others, so the fact that his face is buried so far back in her IG that even I have a hard time tracking it down means it’s not looking great for T.
2. The Bali Vacation
This year the Kardashians pregamed Halloween with a casual vacation to Bali. I do something similar except replace “vacation to Bali” with googling vacations I can’t afford, stuffing my face with discount candy to numb the pain, then saying “f*ck it” and incorporating Target’s last-season swimwear into a slutty costume so I can get some sort of use out of that purchase. Self-care is so important, isn’t it ladies?
So, the Kardashians pregamed in Bali and even let
the father of the year alcoholic and self-proclaimed sex addict Scott Disick come. You know who wasn’t invited? Tristan Thompson. Some might say this is because Tristan is training in Cleveland. I say it’s because Kris Jenner threatened to throw him overboard. Khloé also posted a super cute photo of her and True with the caption “blah blah blah Thankful for the memories baby True and I are creating” (I paraphrase). Does that now low-key feel like a dig at Tristan? She might as well have said “thankful for making memories with baby True AND NO ONE ELSE.” Khloé, I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
3. The Cleveland Move
Perhaps the most damning piece of evidence: Khloé has yet to move back to Cleveland. Apparently Khloé was supposed to join her baby daddy last month when he moved back to Cleveland for basketball season, but instead is living her best Calabasas life. According to sources she’s not making any moves rn and is “just going to sit back and assess the situation very closely” aka she’s making damn sure there’s no more late night motorboating going on before she moves her entire life to middle America.
That said, she did attend one of his games earlier this week. Some people are saying this is proof that their relationship is back on track, but I
have trust issues am not buying it. This feels less like a loving partner’s show of support and more like Khloé flew two thousand miles to make sure her man wasn’t eye-f*cking any cheerleaders. Just saying.
Finally, my investigation brings us to yesterday. Halloween. While her sisters were testing Instagram’s nudity policy one lingerie photoshoot at a time, Khloé was posting a sh*t ton of photos of baby True looking adorable AF. Once again, Tristan was suspiciously missing from every photo. But while he was absent from her feed, she showed up on his IG story with this painful looking photo:
Is it just me or does Khloé look f*cking miserable? Or at least like she’s exhausted from putting up with all his bullsh*t? GIRL, YOU AND ME BOTH. (I mean actually, this looks like one of the Wayans brothers disguised as Khloé Kardashian, but barring that theory, she looks like she’s screaming internally.)
So there you have it. The (not at all solid and based solely on rumors and Instagram captions) facts. THE DEFENSE RESTS. TBH I think Khloé and Tristan are still together, but only for True. Or so Khloé’s rabid followers (hi) don’t set fire to Tristan and everything he loves.