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Merrow

In this week's ep of the most dramatic reality show ever made - our literal government - Trump met with Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer for a heated "conversation" about "border security" aka the wall.

Since you spent the last week being thankful and eating copious amounts of potatoes, allow me to now balance out your diet with some horrifying news.

Oh perf, it's time to talk sh*t about Victoria's Secret!

Well fam, if you thought you could get through your Tuesday without hearing about Kanye West's new stance on politics, you have somehow forgotten that you're living in a world where the news cycles faster than that bitch Brenda in my 8am Soul Cycle class (ugh, show off).

Incredible news: the reboot of Barack Obama is here and it's much better than the reboot of Full House. In case I have made you too excited about the state of politics (which is illegal in 2018) with this opening sentence by making you think that Barack Obama is president again, let me clarify.

The boys are  back in town!

I know this is truly wild to say in 2018, but I have some amazing news for you.

Most days the world is like a giant dumpster fire, and the president is there dousing it with gasoline and covfefe, but today we have been blessed with a special treat and the world is like a hilarious cartoon and the president walked onto a plane with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

I'll be honest, 2018 does not have a lot going for it.

Ugh, Sean Penn is back on his bullsh*t.

This past January we were happy to report that there was an Official Trump Burn Book (Fire and Fury).

America!

A couple of weeks ago, the internet lost its mind over the fact that Kylie Jenner was on the cover of Forbes Magazine for being a “self-made” billionaire — you know, typical 2018 shit.

This week will go down in history as the “Cries Heard 'Round The TJ Maxx Clearance Racks,” due to Ivanka Trump’s announcement that she is closing her hideous namesake fashion brand because nobody likes her in order to focus on doing nothing for women’s rights.

It is with deep sadness that I write this sentence: there was a Trump themed fashion show in Washington DC this past Sunday.

Pretty much every person I've ever met is an idiot, and call me old fashioned, but I just don't think idiots should be able to own guns.

You may have noticed in the past few weeks that rando tech companies are suddenly obsessed with you and keep emailing you about their "updated privacy policies." Look, I once live tweeted my trip to the gynecologist, so I kind of feel like I've surrendered any sense of privacy in my life at this point, but apparently these updates are "important" and I should "be more careful." If you're like me, you saw this influx of boring emails and treated them like any voicemail you've ever received by simply ignoring and/or deleting them immediately.

As the old saying goes, "If you're a racist and you take some Ambien, you're now a racist with Ambien in your system." These are the facts.

Welp, it finally happened.

Here's the thing about Stormy Daniels' lawyer: he's hot.

The one person who can out rant President Trump just graced us all with his return to Twitter.

Today is the Melania Trump's birthday, so I have been given the nearly impossible task of compiling some photos of her where she looks genuinely happy.

In a total turn of events, I am here today to report some *good* news.

There comes a time in every young, budding journalist's life when they must sit in a café and whisper to themselves, "wtf is up with celebs and sex cults?" This is precisely what just happened to me after stumbling across the news that former Smallville actress Allison Mack was arrested for her involvement in the sex cult NXIVM. Was this opening line an excuse for me to refer to myself as "young" and "budding?" Maybe.

Life is a nightmare and so is this news story.

Sure, sex is great, but have y'all ever tried watching a Fox News host get publicly humiliated?

Guess who's back, back, back.

Sometimes we have to face the hard hitting fact that we are living in a time when the state of our president's disastrous toupé is considered news.

g.

Another day, another shooting.

Terrible news: Sean Penn wrote a poem.

First of all, common sense gun laws is such a misleading name.

The time has finally come.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but then again that is literally my job.

If you're looking for some quality comedic content, I suggest watching the 60 Minutes interview with Betsy DeVos.

Another week, another episode of The Sup Live Podcast.

I have some good news and some good news.

As a wise prophet once rhetorically asked and then promptly answered: “Who run the world?

Omg Stormy Daniels is back again!

Ding dong, the wicked witch has had his security clearance downgraded.  And by the wicked witch, we are of course referring to senior White House advisor and human-weasel, Jared Kushner.

In the aftermath of the horrific Parkland school shooting, a number of U.S.

If you're not already listening to The Sup Live podcast, do you even news? This week, Betches Co-Founder Sami Fishbein and News & Politics Editor Alise Morales start off talking about the latest update regarding the Russia investigation (which Sami lives for).

A recent study has joined my mother in claiming that our generation is taking too many selfies.

You know what I'm sick of?

Ugh, we have to talk about Shaun White.

I think we can all agree that Valentine's Day is a bullshit holiday to remind us all that love is gross and prefixed meals are offensively overpriced.

Another day, another douchebag.

Ah yes, our favorite reality-television-star-turned-White-House-aide-turned-fired-White-House-aide-turned-reality-television-star.

The Olympics are in full swing in PyeongChang, South Korea, and tbh North Korea is being supes dramatic at every turn.

Haven't you heard?