America's Second Favorite Stormy Is Back In The News

Omg Stormy Daniels is back again! Grab your barf bags, because rumors of Trump’s sex life are back in the news. Former porn star Stormy Daniels is now suing the President, alleging that Trump never signed the nondisclosure agreement that was meant to keep her quiet re: their gross affair. In short, it sounds like Trump didn’t finish. Color me not surprised/holding in vomit.

As a quick recap, Stormy Daniels made headlines in January when rumors about her affair with Trump in 2006 came to light. With the news story came a lot of drama, questions, and the desire to die when having to think about Donald Trump un-ductaping his tie to do the dirty. Stormy Daniels wouldn’t confirm the rumors, but it seemed like this was because Trump’s lawyer paid her $130,000 right before the 2016 election to keep the affair on the DL. If I ever had slept with Donald “I Had A Fish Fillet From McDonald’s For Lunch” Trump, I would have to pay him to never speak of it again, but you do you, girl. Seriously, do you, don’t do him. You can do so much better.  I could go on and on about how unfair it is that this good looking woman had to get naked with Trump, but  hot women have been having sex with gross men since the premiere of the King of Queens starring Kevin James dawn of time, so let’s just cut to the details of this story.

The “hush agreement” between Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump was obtained by NBC News, who has reported that the document was signed by Stormy, but not by Trump. Stormy’s attorney, Michael Avenatti, announced on Twitter that he would be fighting the original agreement on his client’s behalf. Avenatti also appeared on the Today Show this morning and explained that the agreement was meant to buy Stormy Daniel’s silence, but because it is not signed, he believes she has the ability to tell her story. When asked if Stormy Daniels had a sexual relationship with Donald Trump, Avenatti confirmed with a “yes.” I’m so conflicted here between loving the drama and hating the mental image of Trump’s spray-tanned lil’ shrimp.

As Avenatti said on the Today Show, “I think it’s time for her to tell her story and for the public to decide who is telling the truth.” Hmm, who to believe: the man with multiple sexual assault allegations against him who claims that nobody respects women more than he does, or the former adult film star who was paid $130,000 just before the election in a “hush agreement”? I’m going to go with our girl Stormy on this one.

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Images: Giphy (3)

Irene Merrow
Irene Merrow
Irene makes jokes, understands politics, and has legit perfect eyebrows, all in a day’s work. Dumb bitch women really can have it all! This bio took her three days and five nightmares to write.