There's A New Trump Burn Book And It's Even Juicer Than The Last

This past January we were happy to report that there was an Official Trump Burn Book (Fire and Fury). Then, of course, there was all the tea Omarosa spilled in Unhinged. Now today we are truly ecstatic to report that another Trump Burn Book will be hitting the stands next Monday. God, I love a good sequel. The book is called Fear: Trump In The White House, and tbh it has the potential to pull a Toy Story 3 and be better than the original. Penned by Bob Woodword, this tell-all book is based on hundreds of hours of interviews with people who have witnessed what goes on in the West Wing. Spoiler alert: what goes down in the White House is not *not good.* The book exposes the chaos and dysfunction of the Trump Administration, the paranoia and erratic behavior of the president, and just the general fuckery that is the American government at the mome. Being on top of the news is like, our thing, so the fact that the Trump Presidency is a complete shit show comes as no surprise to us, but we do love being proven right. So, in honor of that, we have a list of the hottest tea that has been spilled in Fear (based on excerpts released by The Washington Post).

1.People Literally Removed Things From Trump’s Desk to Stop Him From Doing Stupid Shit

Apparently people in the White House have had to learn to work discretely behind Trump’s back, which has included simply removing letters, such as those pertaining to leaving NAFTA, off his desk. They know they can’t reason with him, so they just take it out of his sight and hope he forgets about it, which he does. You know, like how you treat a preschooler.

2.Trump Called Jeff Sessions “Mentally R*tarded”

We all know Trump is v mad at Jeff Seshies for recusing himself in the Russia investigation. Trump deals with his anger like an elementary school bully by calling the person he’s mad at offensive things. Trump apparently makes fun of Sessions’ southern accent and correlates that to being stupid. Also he uses the r-word. Cute.

3. Trump’s Bedroom is Referred to as “The Devil’s Workshop”

Lmao. Honestly mad I didn’t think of this. Anyway, his sleeping quarters have earned this nickname due to the amount of time Trump spends locked up in there obsessively watching TV and firing off unhinged tweets. They also refer to the hours when the presidents sets off his tweet storms as “the witching hour.” Do these people want a job at Betches? Cause like, this is golden content.

4. Trump Proposed Assassinating the President of Syria

V casual.

5.Trump Hated Having to Denounce White Supremacy

After he was advised to denounce the Ne0-nazis in Charlottesville (after first refusing to condemn them and blaming both sides), Trump said,“That was the biggest fucking mistake I’ve made” and the “worst speech I’ve ever given.” Hm, I can name some Trump speeches that worse than that one: literally all of them.

6. Trump’s Practice Session for Taking the Stand Led to His Personal Attorney Resigning

John Dowd was convinced that Trump would look like an idiot if he testified in the Mueller investigation. Hm, wonder where he got that idea??? Trump is of course convinced he can handle Mueller’s questions because he’s a “stable genius.” Anyway, Dowd ran a practice run and it did not go well. Trump ranted, lied, and contradicted himself. He tried to convince Trump not to testify, and Trump still insisted he’d be a “real good witness.” Dowd then told Trump he couldn’t help him and quit. Kind of like every morning when I look at my body in the mirror, whisper “I can’t help you,” and quit on my plan to go to the gym.

7. The Book’s Title is Based On a Quote Trump Made in 2016

“Real power is, I don’t even want to use the word, ‘Fear.” Cool, cool, cool.

Welp, looks like we’ve been right all along, and our country is being run by an unhinged moron. Yay?

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Images: Giphy (4)

Irene Merrow
Irene Merrow
Irene makes jokes, understands politics, and has legit perfect eyebrows, all in a day’s work. Dumb bitch women really can have it all! This bio took her three days and five nightmares to write.