Betches
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Now that the most boring Bachelor season ever is coming to a close, it’s time for us to celebrate the happy couple scrub that dumpster fire from our minds and focus on more uplifting things.

Last night was a momentous night in television.

It’s a dark and stormi stormy day in NYC.

Thank the fucking hair gods that the days of unicorn hair are over, and we're moving on to more natural hair colors that don’t look like a mythical creature threw up on your head.

I know it's a pain to wash your hair and tbh, same.

It’s been a while since we talked about blow jobs, so I thought it was high time I resurface to drop some more oral knowledge on everybody.

What if I told you that you could strengthen your vajayjay, allowing you to have better sex (for you AND your partner), and more orgasms with minimal effort?

Congratulations all, we have nearly made it to the finale of the most dramatic boring Bachelor season of all time!

This post contains major Bachelor spoilers, so if you're super invested in this absolute garbage “love story,” click away now.

I’ve gathered you all here today to discuss a probably unpopular opinion.

Listen, we all know the struggle—you’re so pale in the dead of winter that even self tanners are too much, and you don’t want to hit the tanning bed because, well, wrinkles.

If you are one of the few people out there who still has any remaining affinity to Arie Luyendyk Jr. (whether as the Bachelor or just generally as a person), I have some upsetting news to report.

It's almost spring bitches, so you need to prepare what to put in your beauty arsenal now.

It’s time we get real for a second.

Let’s all send Arie Luyendyk Jr.

We open this week’s Summer House with Danielle narrating, only to say that she’s taking the weekend off for "job hunting." Damn Danielle, only five weekends in and you couldn’t take the heat?

If Valentine’s Day left you ready to get hot and heavy, or at least ready to send that text that you probably shouldn’t, you need to gather all the right supplies.

If you’re one of those people that avoids washing their hair at all costs and dry shampoo is your bff, meet dry conditioner, the product that will soon become your soulmate.

If you’re a true betch, you know why higher end makeup is more expensive.

For most of us, February is the time of year where we put up with "relationship-ers" saturating the social media stratosphere.

I hope you are all sitting down right now, because I have some bad news for the Kaylor shippers out there. (Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift, yes it's a real thing, no I don't need help.) It appears the tall blonde singer and her taller blonde friend are having some problems, because late last week TMZ caught Karlie Kloss in the ultimate act of betrayal.

Every season of The Bachelor becomes less about finding love and more of a competition to see who can earn the most Instagram followers in the shortest amount of time.

Guys.

Well, folks, it's that time of week again: when Kris Jenner singlehandedly decides to ruin my life another Kylie Jenner pregnancy rumor.

Catch up on last week's recap here!

Welcome back, delinquents.

It’s been a wild ride on the Lala Kent’s Married Boyfriend Express.

I’ll be real with you guys, I don’t have a fun or clever way to segue into this week’s episode, so I’ll just dive right in.

Gather round, y'all, for our regularly scheduled "Is Kylie Jenner pregnant [even though we all know the answer is yes]?" Well, this week's evidence is pretty indisputable, and at this point it's getting pretty fucking annoying that I have to continue to report on all these conspiracy theories because Kris won't fucking confirm what we all have known for months. *Takes deep, calming breaths* I guess the Kardashians did some sort of advertisement for Calvin Klein, and an hour ago (at the time I am writing this), Kris Jenner regrammed the ad.

I'll say this once: If you don't want to read spoilers, kindly close out of this article.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West finally revealed the name of their daughter, and it's...

Buckle up, y'all, because I'm about to expose the depths of my own depravity something pretty damn juicy about one of the ladies competing for Arie's Instagram following heart on The Bachelor. Spoilers ahead, obviously, so close out now if you don't want to know what happens.

Vanderpump Rules season 6 is well under way, and there's a lot to process this season.

So while you’ve been out mourning the loss of summer and preparing for your winter weight cuff, we here at Betches Media have been low-key putting things in motion for the biggest glow-up up since Ariel Winter went from “little girl on Modern Family” to IG thirst trap.

After watching last night's episode of Vanderpump Rules, you might be wondering a few things, like if Brittany has ever learned what manipulation is, and if she's okay.

What up, degenerates?

Catch up on last week's Vanderpump Rules recap here!

Last night, while you were all watching the Golden Globes and I was continuing a drinking binge that began at 12:30pm that afternoon, Stassi Schroeder stepped in it (again) with a very distasteful and unnecessary joke about Nazis.

Earlier this week, Lala Kent went public with Randall Emmett, her rumored formerly married boyfriend, by posting their first-ever selfie on Instagram.

Catch up on our Bachelor recap here!

Catch up on last week's Vanderpump Rules recap here!

A big Kardashian announcement might be coming soon.

If you've been following the Kardashian pregnancies with the same zeal with which some people follow the actual news, you'll be excited to know that today might be the day we finally put an end to the rumors once and for all.

Arie’s season of The Bachelor hasn’t even started yet, but the Instagram shilling is already in full force.

What a year it's been for the cast of Jersey Shore.

Dear Betch, Hi!

I think I speak for every single person on this Earth when I say that we had all been waiting with baited breath for the Kardashians to drop their final installment of their Christmas card.

Have you emerged from your Christmas food coma yet?

On this week's episode of Vanderpump Rules, we saw the return of our favorite professional sugar baby, Lala Kent.

All right, everyone.