Ronnie Magro From 'Jersey Shore' Is Going To Be A Dad, & You'll Never Guess Who The Mom Is

What a year it’s been for the cast of Jersey Shore. First came their terrible one-night reunion special that literally nobody watched. Next, news of a revival broke. Now, Ronnie is going to be a dad. I can see it now: anytime Ronnie embarrasses his future kid, he’ll be met with a whiny “Rahhhhhn, stahpp!! You’re embarrassing me!” Now that I’ve said that, I cannot wait to follow this child on Instagram.

Ronnie revealed the news to UsWeekly, and he’s reportedly having a girl. And when I said you’ll never guess who the mom is, I meant it literally: it’s Jen Harley, some woman who apparently has been Ronnie’s girlfriend. (Not sorry for the clickbait.) Wait, I thought he was dating Khloé Kardashian’s friend Mallika? *checks Google* Oh okay, that ended in February. So sometime between last February and now, Ronnie started dating Jen. All I know about Jen is that her Instagram handle is “tater_tot_kitty” and she has atrocious grammar, two things which I deduced from spending a full 15 seconds on her Instagram. But I think that tells me all I really need to know.

Okay, first of all, Rahn stahpp with the hashtags. Like, this is just ridiculous. “#IHearItsLikeHavingAPuppy”? “ExceptItCries”? No. Cease and desist. This is all kinds of bad, and I don’t even have the time to get into it. First off, puppies cry—anyone with a dog will tell you that. Second off—no, I told myself I wouldn’t get into it. Please, Ronald, before you bring a child into the world and start teaching her social media, fix it.

Ronnie, if you’ll recall, will reportedly be filming Jersey Shore Family Reunion, so I wonder how that’s going to work with his girlfriend six months pregnant with his child. Definitely not stressful at all for her. What if this is like, the guido version of the Kardashians, and some MTV exec is making all the Jersey Shore castmembers get pregnant so they can raise the next generation of Jersey Shore? Just a thought.