All right, everyone. It’s finally happened: the moment we’ve been waiting for for months. Khloé Kardashian confirmed her pregnancy in an Instagram post, so we can all finally sleep at night. Years from now, we will all recall this day and remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when this important historical moment occurred. Like, for instance, I will remember that I was getting my makeup done for the first inaugural Betches Meme Gala, and I will recall not-very-fondly how annoyed I
am was that she couldn’t have picked a more convenient moment, like, I don’t know, any time during the traditional workday? She did it with the rumors, and now she’s doing it again with the official announcement. I get that it’s only like, 3pm in LA right now, but can’t Khloé think of anyone other than herself, i.e., the people in New York writing the news? Anyway, here’s the Instagram.
My greatest dream realized! We are having a baby! I had been waiting and wondering but God had a plan all along. He knew what He was doing. I simply had to trust in Him and be patient. I still at times can’t believe that our love created life! Tristan, thank you for loving me the way that you do! Thank you for treating me like a Queen! Thank you for making me feel beautiful at all stages! Tristan, most of all, Thank you for making me a MOMMY!!! You have made this experience even more magical than I could have envisioned! I will never forget how wonderful you’ve been to me during this time! Thank you for making me so happy my love! Thank you to everyone for the love and positive vibes! I know we’ve been keeping this quiet but we wanted to enjoy this between our family and close friends as long as we could privately. To enjoy our first precious moments just us ❤️ Thank you all for understanding. I am so thankful, excited, nervous, eager, overjoyed and scared all in one! But it’s the best bundle of feelings I’ve ever felt in my life! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m honestly very happy for Khloé and Tristan, and I’m sure their baby is going to be beautiful, but I still feel like this photo was just irresponsible. Like, the Calvin Klein cotton bralette is ALREADY the basic bitch uniform, and now Khloé has gone and made it an iconic piece of history. We’ll never see the end of this undergarment. Not to mention, this photo is going to spawn knock-offs from everyone from late-night comedians to random girls from your high school, and I for one don’t want to have to see Amber from freshman year geometry attempt to recreate this photo with the same bra and some very bad acrylics when she announces the inception of her devil spawn. This picture is just a little too accessible to the masses, you know?
All jokes aside, I’m really happy for Khloé and Tristan. Reading that caption, I can just feel the joy leaping off my computer screen (genuine feelings; not sarcasm). I just want to know two things: Is it a girl or a boy? And Kylie, what’s good?