Betches
Staff

Let's break down this disaster.

Many celebrities attempt open relationships.

One thing actors deserve major credit for is performing in literally any nude scene.

Orgasms are an important part of sexual health, but oftentimes, people aren’t having them enough.  If you thought the pay gap was bad, the orgasm gap between men and women is even worse.

Well, Kim Kardashian is probs getting into heaven now.

Keeping with the current theme of “literally everyone in the world gets a hot leader but us,” Spain just elected a new Prime Minister, Pedro Sánchez, and he was sculpted with love by the Gods of political hotties.

Get ready to celebrate some good #MeToo news for once, because rancid swamp demon/movie producer Harvey Weinstein finally turned himself into the authorities on Friday morning, and was arrested on charges of rape and sex abuse.

Ever wonder where all those taxes you just paid end up?

Isn’t every frat bro’s worst nightmare graduating and leaving the glory days behind?

Let me start this off by saying, if you don’t want to hear about my sex life, then you’re just jealous you should probably read something else.

Want to pretend like you’re the type of woman who works out before heading to her job in finance instead of the type of woman who binge-watches Netflix and stalks her ex’s Instagram activity all day?

Get in loser, we're going brunching.

Honestly, go you.

There are a few extremely important things to filter for when drowning in navigating the online dating cesspool: fuckboyness, serial killer potensh, and height.

Is it just me, or is there a serious influx of pregnancy announcements right around Thanksgiving?

Thanks to the internet, our country’s obsession with consumer culture, and our ability to convince ourselves that buying a lot of things on sale is cheaper than buying less things not on sale, we now have online shopping deals that start before Thanksgiving and end like, after New Years.

It’s been 13 years since Rachel McAdams blessed us with Regina George, and while she may have moved on to Oscar-winning movies and a season of True Detective that never should have happened, we are still upset that she isn’t married to Ryan Gosling IRL obsessed with her role as the most iconic member of Mean Girls.

So, according to my calculations (and Wikipedia) LaCroix was made as a down-to-earth alternative to the “snobbish” Perrier.

Halloween is like, here, and you've procrastinated your costume, your plans, and undoubtedly your playlist.

Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory: Katy Perry is JonBenét Ramsey, the moon landing was faked, I have my shit together—truly all mysteries.

Whether you're a bright-eyed freshman who just discovered what jungle juice is, or an alum who used her sorority connections to get a job, you've experience rush.

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The Betches discuss the season finale of Insecure and Kim Kardashian’s surrogate.

The Betches discuss the remaining couples on Bachelor in Paradise, the fact that Dean is not going to be the next Bachelor, our predictions for who it will be, and answer a listener email about meeting Daniel in person.

The Betches discuss a reader’s story about rejecting an offer to be a bridesmaid.

Nothing makes the sting of your best friend venturing into matrimony worse than the added blow of being asked to be a bridesmaid.

The Betches talk about the overrated solar eclipse and a Game of Thrones update, and answer a reader's question about if it's okay to drop a friend who you don't like after college if all your other friends still like her.

On episode 2 of the new Betches podcast "The Betchelor," topics include Dean's f*ckboy behavior, Lacey's thirst, Evan and Carly's "journey to love", the DeMario/Corinne sexual assault scandal, and how Raven is the hero of the season.

You wake up, slowly.

John Cusack royally fucked us (no pun intended) the night he decided to stand outside Diane’s house and serenade her with a boom box over his head until she was forced to tell him to stfu.

Any betch who's been in even the briefest of relationships, IRL or otherwise, knows that getting a text—much less getting a first text—from a guy who isn't an actual boyfriend is harder than hiding a hangover at Sunday brunch.

Listen, 2017 is a complete shit show—I’m just stating the obvious.

You’ve officially survived another winter of dreaded family holidays, surprise engagements, and disguising your 2pm blackout as “brunch” without entirely losing your dignity.

As a betch enters womanhood, she’ll quickly be taught a number of v crucial life lessons like, “If at first you don’t succeed, it’s probably not for you” and “maybe don’t chase your birth control with vodka.” But if there’s one piece of advice that shakes me down to my soulless core, it’d be to “never judge a book by its cover.” Blah blah, sue me.

Since we’re being honest—cardio kind of really sucks but being skinny doesn’t.

Growing up a closet case in the suburbs of Albany, NY I never dreamed that one day I would be an authority on eyebrows, but fortunately for both of us I got out of there and now have brows that will make me look like the missing Kardashian-Jenner.

Flip flops are like that guy who (selfishly) only care about school, his mom, and his friends, and get friendzoned anyway.

In the past few years, LaCroix has gone from something I’d only vaguely heard of before to literally taking over the world.

What better way to motivate yourself to work off those sugar-infused Long Island Iced Teas you’ll be drinking all summer than spending more money on overpriced leggings and sports bras?

Laying out on the beach every day is all you obviously have planned for this summer.

Memorial Day Weekend is one hell of an underrated holiday.

Life is hard when you want to go to the beach looking like a Victoria’s Secret model without having to do anything at all.

If you say Paris Hilton isn’t secretly your idol, you’re lying.

For all my New York betches, I know you’re just as excited as me to know that Thursday is supposed to have perfect day drinking temperature (high 80’s) so Mother Nature, please don’t be psycho.

It seems as though everyone mistakes a new summer for a second shot at a new beginning.

Well, it's May, and for the love of god, enough with the Justin Timberlake jokes.

Look, I know you're already planning to go out Saturday night but Sunday (yes, this Sunday) is supposed to be all about the OG Betch aka Queen.

We can all agree that men know nothing about fashion, food, travel, or truly anything.

There's something in the warmer air that makes it an acceptable excuse to drink more.

Okay, it’s finally Friday and I am way overdue for six a gin and tonic since I haven’t had a drink in 5ever (Okay, since like, last Saturday but, who’s counting?).