I hope you are all sitting down right now, because I have some bad news for the Kaylor shippers out there. (Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift, yes it’s a real thing, no I don’t need help.) It appears the tall blonde singer and her taller blonde friend are having some problems, because late last week TMZ caught Karlie Kloss in the ultimate act of betrayal. No, she did not kill Taylor’s cat. No, she did not kidnap her first child. She didn’t even watch Game of Thrones without her and then lie about it right to her face as if it meant nothing (Looking at you, Liz). She—wait for it—hung out with Katy Perry!
If you recall, Taylor and Katy used to have mad love, but now they have bad blood. Taylor still has scars in her back from Katy’s knives. It’s horrendous and violent. Now, all members of Taylor’s elite squad are banned from hanging out with Katy, and I imagine if they break that rule they can only borrow Taylor’s smallest yacht and must clean out Meredith Grey’s litter box when the housekeeper is away. We all saw what happened when Selena dared to get back with Justin.
She’s ruthless.
Rumors of problems between Taylor and Karlie have been brewing for a while. They have not been seen out together in some time, and Karlie’s name was suspiciously missing from the T-shirt of friends’ names Taylor was wearing in the “Look What You Made Me Do” video. Then, in January, Karlie posted a video of herself playing basketball and captioned it “Swish swish.” She got so much backlash from Swifties that she ended up changing the caption on Instagram.
Swish swish ????❤️ Love Advent ‘17 thank you @THELOVEMAGAZINE @kegrand pic.twitter.com/MNIwz5aczq
— Karlie Kloss (@karliekloss) January 1, 2018
As any Betch would know, “Swish Swish” is the name of Katy’s pathetic excuse for a diss track for Taylor on her last album. Hmm, suspicious. Rabid pre-teens People were immediately calling Karlie a traitor, while others seemed to think that this could be a sign that Taylor and Katy are cool now and just waiting to announce it. Sure guys, hold onto those dreams, they’re cute.
This can only mean two things: either Karlie Kloss is no longer friends with Taylor Swift or Katy Perry and Taylor Swift have made amends pic.twitter.com/qsVh2RvBOP
— Mel (@staningthebiebs) February 8, 2018
I’m sure everything will be revealed on Taylor’s next album when the first single will most definitely be titled “Die Karlie Die.” Did I accurately capture the subtleties of Taylor’s shade? I think I did.
