I think I speak for every single person on this Earth when I say that we had all been waiting with baited breath for the Kardashians to drop their final installment of their Christmas card. Well, today it came, at like 8pm EST (it’s like these people are completely unaware that other parts of the country are in different time zones), and it was fucking interesting. Most of us thought that on the last day of the card, the Kardashians would finally reveal Kylie’s pregnant belly, because at this point we all know she’s pregnant and are just waiting for the official word so we can move on with our lives. Well, the actual final installment was even more suspicious than we could have ever imagined, because Kylie is not in it. At all. That’s right, she’s completely absent from all 25 days of the Kardashian Christmas card. Sure, you could say that it means they’re trying REALLY hard to hide her baby bump, but Khloé is in it and she doesn’t appear to be showing, and they announced their pregnancies at the same time. Plus, how hard do you think it is for a people with a team of photographers, wardrobe stylists, and makeup artists to hide one baby bump from one photo? Something isn’t adding up, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it. Here’s what I think Kylie’s absence from the family photo means.
1. Kylie Has Been Disowned From The Family
If Kylie isn’t in the family Christmas card, she must no longer be a member of the family.
Maybe Kris was so upset that Kylie got knocked up out of wedlock that she completely disowned her. Lol, JK. We all know being married before having children is far from a requirement in this family. But I do wonder if she like, got herself emancipated or something so she’d have more of that lip kit money for herself.
2. Kylie And Travis Scott Are About To Drop Their Own Holiday Card
I’m refreshing Kylie Jenner’s Instagram on a near constant basis, waiting to see if Kylie will respond to this snub with a holiday card of her own, featuring Travis and her new baby bump.
3. The Kardashians Are Waiting Until Three King’s Day
Three King’s Day, I learned from Google, is celebrated on January 6th and it celebrates the three wise men’s visit to baby Jesus and also remembers his baptism, and I did not just lift that passage completely from timeanddate.com. Anyway, maybe for some inexplicable reason, the Kardashians have decided that they will celebrate Christmas in the way that many people in Latin America and Spain do, and that they will be gifting us, the public, with a picture of Kylie’s pregnancy bump on that day.
4. Kylie Has Gone Into Hiding With Rob
Let us not forget that Rob is also a Kardashian who is absent from the family card. Maybe Kylie decided to pledge solidarity with Rob and remove herself from the Kardashian media circus and exclude herself from the narrative that is the Christmas card.
5. Kylie Is The Christmas Tree
Okay, so Kylie doesn’t appear to be in the picture, but what if we’re just not looking in the right place? How do we know that Kylie isn’t standing behind the Christmas tree, just out of frame? Shit, how do we know that she herself is not the tree? Maybe that’s what Kris has been hiding this whole time. Maybe Kylie died and her spirit got trapped in a pine tree and now she sits in the forest and gives advice to Native American women who are trying to save their tribe but have fallen in love with English men.
Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe she was just busy the day of the photoshoot?