Sarah
Nowicki

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

Everyone has a lot of f*cking feelings this week, so we can think of no better time to announce the beginning of winter body season.

The weather is getting colder, the kids are shopping for Halloween costumes, and the planets are pulling all of us in two different directions.

This weekend, the planets are telling all of us, collectively, to take some much needed "us" time.

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

This article is probably going to #trigger a lot of you, so go ahead and read your horoscope or one of our Real Housewives articles to calm down before you @ me in the comments.

When the cold air finally hits this weekend, you'll find me layered in sweaters, sipping a hot chocolate spiked with something interesting, and festooning the sh*t out of my front porch with leaves, pumpkins, and other useless gourds.

So, you've decided you want to start trying for kids.

BYE VIRGO SEASON!

If the planets don't help me win the lottery, quit my job, and travel the world as an influencer this week, I may just die.

If that title doesn't say it all ...

Another day, another wacky wedding story thanks to the people who post their problems on Reddit for me to read and laugh at while I'm supposed to be working.

It’s almost pumpkin spice season, bitches.

As Hurricane Dorian bashes the southeast (and my in-laws —hope y'all got enough water, fam), I'm wondering if our horoscopes foretold nature's fury.

If there's ever a time when wedding and bridal shaming stories are not a thing, I will find a new planet to live on.

Once you hit your mid-20s, you reach that stage in life where everyone you know is getting engaged. (And if you think that won't happen to you, just wait.) As elementary school wisdom tells us, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

Holy sh*t, holiday weekend.

As soon as you find out you're pregnant, the questions, concerns, excitement, and complete overwhelming emotion sets in. "What the f*ck do I do? Where do I go? What do I need to buy? Who should I call? Am I ready for this sh*t? LOL I have NO idea what I'm doing." Because being pregnant is a highly hormonal and emotional rollercoaster (and I can say that, because I'm pregnant and my life is an emotional fairground atm), expectant women can often fall into the trap of reading the work of mommy and pregnancy bloggers.

Adios, Leo season—bring on the Virgo bitches.

Once you decide to allow a small, borderline parasitic thing to live in your uterus get pregnant, sh*t can get real, really quick.

I love the internet sometimes.

It's the motherf*cking weekend, and it's time to submit to the stars and planets for whatever those jerks have in store for us!

Sponsored by Brideside When planning a wedding, you’ll quickly learn that everybody has an opinion, and many of them won’t line up with yours. (Is that why they say opinions are like assholes...because they’re full of...no wait, it’s because everyone has one.) Anyway, there are few times that it will become more evident that it’s really f*cking hard to get people to agree on one thing more than picking what bar to go to on a Saturday night, and that is bridesmaid dress shopping. Like, you and your friends can barely decide on a vibe for going out one night—despite everyone agreeing they’re going to dress like scrubs, at least one person always shows up in a crop top—so how the hell are you going to choose bridesmaid dresses?

Is it f*cking fall yet?

Social media and brides who take their weddings too seriously are the gift that keeps on giving.

So, your friend is totes preggers.

Pregnancy makes your body change in really weird ways.

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

Well fam, it's officially August, and, therefore, an appropriate time to begin buying fall clothes, planning Halloween costumes, preparing for Thanksgiving, going Christmas shopping, and making your New Year's resolutions.

We've survived Cancer season and we're moving into, you guessed it, Leo season.

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

Welcome to WTFunds, where we do what nobody else does and...

Welcome to the weekend, where, here in the U.S., we're all v likely to die of heat exhaustion!

It's more or less Christmas in July for those of us who have waited and hoped for the promised return of Amazon Prime Day.

Welcome to Cancer season, where emotions run rampant, but at the same time, your feelings don't matter!

It's an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes sex, which is supposed to be super fun and a great chance to connect (or like, have a neat one-nighter with a stranger) can be a little uncomfortable.

If you aren't feeling regret after eating six hot dogs or chugging all the Bud Light in the house, I guess you're too good to be my friend.

We're one week away from a long weekend, so we just need to get through the next few days without stabbing anyone or having workplace rage blackouts so we can all celebrate America's birthday with explosions in peace.

Once again, wedding season is upon us.

We have all heard about the atrocious things that happen to your body (and mind) once you get pregnant.

Summer officially starts on Friday, so it's time for us all to accept that summer bods aren't happening and we just need to be happy with ourselves as we are, dammit.

Ah, wedding planning: a magical time when all of your little kid dreams come to v expensive fruition.

Why can't we all have multiple months off for summer vacation?

Seeking out a therapist to help with any number of mental health issues is something every functioning adult should know how to do.

Well fam, it's time for another weekend of wondering what shenanigans we'll get into.

It's getting hotter outside, which means I, for one, need more activities within the comfort of my air-conditioned home.

It was a short week, fam, and thank God, because we're now hurtling headlong into a short but welcome weekend.

Since we're all planning on doing nothing at work today (and we honestly deserve it after this, the January of weeks), it's time to explore what the planets and stars have in store for us over the course of this three day weekend and unofficial beginning of summer.

You've got the ring.