Happy F*cking Summer: Weekend Horoscopes June 21-23

Summer officially starts on Friday, so it’s time for us all to accept that summer bods aren’t happening and we just need to be happy with ourselves as we are, dammit. I mean, one pieces are in now, right? I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with wearing a T-shirt by the pool? Don’t shame me.

Anyway, with the full moon in Sagittarius and the summer solstice kicking off, feelings are at an all time high, but it’s lookin’ like a pretty solid weekend for most of us. Whether you’re kicking your feet up and relaxing at home or going on a mass shopping spree, just remember to live your best life, kids. Kisses.


You want the greeeeeen, Gemini. Give in to your wildest desires to shop this weekend, but keep it in check. You’ll never be a rich betch if you spend it all in one spot. This weekend, explore adult sh*t like investing, and make sure your 401k is up to par.

In the love department, the full moon in Sagittarius will give your romantic side a boost, so whether you’re already partnered up or looking for a mate, you’ll be itching to snuggle up next to someone compatible. The best day to meet a potential beau? Saturday, so plan accordingly.


Summer means a fresh start, Cancer—especially in terms of love. A class or meeting on Saturday or Sunday could mean a meeting with someone special, so maybe don’t ditch that hot yoga class this weekend. Just saying.

After pushing yourself to be social, bask in your sign’s high time. Don’t be afraid to be a lil selfish and treat yourself to a mani pedi, Taco Bell, and stretchy clothes. Plus, indulging a little will make Monday much, much easier.


Love is floooowwwwin’, Leo. The first day of summer on Friday means great chances for passionate meetups throughout the weekend, so make sure your birth control is replenished, sweetie. It’s best if you actually try not to be so “on” Saturday and Sunday, so feel free to revel in being yourself without the whole Leo song and dance.


Time for a new social calendar, Virgo. Summer has you coming out of your shell to connect with old friends and not cancel plans for once. A weekend date with your lover on Saturday night could take your relationship to the next level, so get ready to potentially explore butt stuff, or, like, maybe an engagement … or kid? Not sure where you are in life.

While you’re on the whole social carousel, don’t be afraid to reach out to coworkers you’ve been debating hanging outside work with. They may actually suck less outside the office! If there’s flirting involved, remember that sh*t can get messy, so try to keep it cool.


Concentrate on your career this weekend, Libra, even if it seems like a v not fun idea. You’ve been working your ass off on a project, so take Saturday and Sunday to ensure it’s perfect before you release it into the wild. It may finally earn you some appreciation and recognition. And, since you’ve been heavily debating dropping everything and backpacking through Europe instead of holding down an actual job, the whole “good job” thing could actually go pretty far.


Find something interesting to do this weekend, Scorpio. Whether you head to that OG ice cream shop you enjoyed as a kid that happens to be 100 miles away or reconnecting with an old friend in a city a few hours’ drive out of town, seize the opportunity to do like, exciting sh*t Saturday and Sunday. Taking a trip down memory lane could actually help you take a step forward in life, whether that means your career or partner.


Host a dinner party this weekend, Sagittarius, and use it as an opportunity to celebrate the start of summer. Not only can you flex your culinary muscles, but you can also attempt to impress your partner (whether they’ve been around a short time or practically forever).

Turn off all the phones and connect with these people that mean the most to you over a yummy meal. It’ll mean a lot to everyone around you to see how much you genuinely care.


Ask for help, Capricorn. Someone who worships the ground you walk on could come in handy, so it’s totally fine to use them this one time. You may actually end up liking them and forming a little connection, so it’s not all bad. I mean, think of it as falling for a nerdy sidekick. It’s like every cute romcom ever!


Make a f*cking decision, Aquarius, and stick to it. You have tons of chores and projects to do around the house, but you also haven’t let yourself go out and have fun in like, a while. If you play your cards right, you can do both, but don’t procrastinate. Do your dusting and vacuuming in the morning, then get ready to drink all afternoon. You may even meet someone special on Saturday, so try to shower after all that housework, ya nasty.


Time to HGTV your sh*t, Pisces. It’s time to grow up and get rid of that box of college sh*t you’ve had stuffed in your closet, update your art collection (or lack thereof), and please, for the love of God, trash that old futon. Buy yourself some adult furniture, and don’t be afraid to spend some cash. Having a better arranged (and decorated) nest will inspire you to feel more relaxed and send a better message to potential suitors heading to your space.


Unplug, Aries. You’ve been focused on your phone, laptop, and tech all week, and it’s time to let go. Put your feet up, pop open a book, and cook a complicated meal this weekend. You’ve honestly earned it, and you ain’t got time for anyone else in your space Saturday and Sunday (unless you like, want them in your space). Ignore your boss’s emails, cancel your plans, and binge watch your fav sh*t on Netflix.


Call your mom, Taurus, or at least someone who loves and cares about your unconditionally. You’ve been kinda pissy all week, and talking to someone who does a great job at listening (and not giving terrible advice) could be just what you need. This weekend, a friend or social outing could lead to a love connection, but remember to make sure you’re cool, first. You can’t make someone else happy if you’re miserable, right? Right.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson