No More Holidays: Weekend Horoscopes July 12-14

Welcome to Cancer season, where emotions run rampant, but at the same time, your feelings don’t matter! This weekend, you’ll battle everything from getting ghosted on Tinder to fighting with your bestie over where to go for brunch. If you’re wifed up, prepare to fight in a public place—like IKEA or Home Depot—over something dumb like lighting fixtures. This is the life you chose. Anyway, since you have no federal holidays to look forward to until Labor Day in September, let’s dive in head first to our two days of freedom and what the stars have in store for us.


Live your truth and sh*t, Cancer. I know it’s hard when you like to keep everyone happy, even your significant other, but try to assert yourself and be a strong independent betch who can fetch her own Sour Patch Kids from the pantry, k? Sh*t, go so far as to head to the spa solo this weekend and live your best life. The Mars-Uranus planet fight is making you feel super insecure, but letting go and relaxing may help. Confrontation which could present itself (thanks, Pluto), so try to remove yourself from the situation.


Break out of the routine this weekend, Leo. You’re pretty into doing the same damn thing every Saturday and Sunday, and it’s time to change it up (even though change tends to really freak you out). Try to hang out with your hippest friends—and bonus points if their lives are made more chaotic by multiple animals or kids or whatever.

Friday is your best day for attracting mates, so try to get yourself out there. By Saturday, the sun and Pluto will have you itching to be alone to recharge with frozen pizza and Netflix.


Hang out, but make it chill, Virgo. Isolating yourself will only stir up old feelings, and your romance outlook has you vulnerable in the way of sending “hey” texts to that guy you def shouldn’t be texting on Saturday. Make a bunch of your idiot friends feel at home with a not-too-fancy dinner party or comfy night in with pizza and beer so you can be your most relaxed self while also being surrounded by friends.


Spend your weekend researching your future, Libra. Reach out to career mentors, be they family, friends, or old coworkers. You’ve been feeling kind of meh about your talents and accomplishments lately, and spending time over wine or whatever may be the boost you need to head into Monday feeling better about yourself.


Indulge this weekend, Scorpio. We know your bank account could sting for a bit afterward, but it’ll all be worth it to spark joy with a pedicure or massage. Plus, it’ll help take your mind off of people doing sh*tty sh*t this week and keep you from retaliating because, well, Scorpios gonna Scorpio. The Mars-Uranus situation yesterday is adding fuel to your stubborn fire, so attracting mates isn’t really on the radar this weekend. Hang out with the people who get you (and have your back) the most.


Because you’re happpyyyyyyyy. Sagittarius. Sorry for getting that f*cking song stuck in our collective brains. All you need to do to keep the good mood rollin’ this weekend is avoid people and things that stress you out. So, yeah—maybe put off vacuuming for another week, or ditch that Negative Nancy friend that’s always such a bummer to be around. Do things that make you feel warm and fuzzy, like breaking out that disgusting bathrobe your boyfriend can’t stand and hanging out in it while giving yourself an at-home pedicure.


Stop being so controlling, Capricorn. It’s okay to put down the reins for a minute so you can focus on your inner self. Plus, this weekend, the more you try to be in charge, the more pissy you’ll get, which isn’t good for anyone. Try some guided meditation or yoga and release your inner zen.


Change happens, Aquarius. It can be scary, but remember that you have to adapt or else you’ll like, die. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Comfort yourself with your friends, and remember to be flexible. Plus, your love outlook looks good on Friday, with friends possibly introducing you to someone special. Keep an open mind, and try not to tell him about your back acne within 15 minutes of meeting.


You’re such a good person, Pisces, and it’s time to bully other people into seeing it (kinda). Friends and potential mates are drawn into your circle this weekend, so remember to lead by example, not by force. Like, suggest going to a weird new sushi restaurant instead of just telling everyone it’s where you’re going for dinner and that’s final.


All work and no play makes Aries an asshole, so take a break. Head to a brewery or winery with friends to get out of town and out of your head for the weekend. New brews and scenery will help bring some much needed relaxation. Plus, with the sun pissing off Pluto this weekend, you’re gonna be feeling extra insecure, so it’s best to surround yourself with people that lift you up.


Take a f*cking break, Taurus. You’ve been running yourself ragged the last week, and you can only do so much. Connect with friends that tell you you’re really pretty and smart—it’s honestly what you need to hear this weekend. In the romance sector, the stars are spelling out passion potential on Friday, which is a nice change since this week felt particularly loveless for you. Just be wary of the sun and Pluto f*cking your sh*t up on Saturday and Sunday, since there’s high potential for a fight in a public place with a lover or friend.


Take matters into your own hands, Gemini. Take care of you and take care of someone who really needs it this weekend, like your friend who started doing tequila shots again after we all warned her not to. Being such a giver will make you feel empowered and strong. You’re like, such a good person.

Friday is a great day to attract someone on your level, which we realize can be hard to find. If you’re already wifed up, be sure to communicate appreciation for your mate—especially when he does everyday things like emptying the dishwasher or putting his socks away. It’ll actually make a huge difference.

Images: Aral Tasher / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson