Is it f*cking fall yet? No, but I say we defy the planets, stars, and seasons and all just start wearing long sleeves and leggings. Kids are heading back to school shortly (thank you, God) and we’re already prepping for holiday shopping, because, well, what else am I going to do at work all day?
This weekend, all of our horoscopes seem to be focused on sitting and and thinking. We think that’s best done with a bottle of bubbly if the weather insists on staying hot for the next month or whatever.
Chase your dreams, Leo. It’s an amazing weekend to ignore inhibitions and run after a big project, huge move, or longtime crush, because the stars are aligning and everyone thinks you’re a pretty big deal. If you’re wifed up, make time this weekend for a lot of sexy time. It’ll be amazing, your partner will be psyched, and you can eat pizza post-coitus and feel like a million bucks.
Go with the flow, Virgo. This weekend, relinquish control and do wtf your friends/fam/loved ones wanna do, especially on Friday and Saturday. Sure, you have sh*t to do around the house, but f*ck it—that ish can wait. Marie Kondo pounds mimosas on weekends, too; don’t be fooled.
The work is finally f*cking paying off, Libra. You’ve spent all week working on mending relationships at work and at home, and you’re finally in a better place. Take this weekend to bask in your own glory and relax. It’s also a great weekend to use your listening skills and help a friend or loved one through some old bullsh*t.
If you adapt, you’ll reap the benefits financially, Scorpio. Friday and Saturday are great days to impart your money prowess to others, so get together over wine with your bitches and tell them all about your 401(k) or something. If you’re not into that noise, this is a great weekend to spend romantically with a partner, so, like, go antiquing or some sh*t.
You’re power hungry, Sagittarius, but it’s fine. You’re gonna be feelin’ yourself hardcore on Friday, and it’s a great chance to pay it forward and teach others how to be awesome, too. Gifts are best shared, so grab a few pizzas and impart your knowledge to the masses.
WTF is on your mind, Capricorn? You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Use this weekend to figure out what’s been up with your mood/attitude, and get out of the house. Bouncing problems off friends and loved ones isn’t weak—it’s what they’re there for. Brunch or a party pack from Taco Bell will make everything feel better.
Uranus is f*cking with you, Aquarius, but it’s fine, because this weekend things are looking up. Change the way you’ve been approaching relationships, whether with friends, long-term lovers, or new romances, and both Saturday and Sunday could shape up to be really f*cking fun (and like, social). Re-assessing is a great tool for introspection and seeing what you may be doing wrong. (Yes, as much as you don’t want to admit it, the problem could be you.)
What do people think of you, Pisces? But for serious: You may need to do some damage control when it comes to your image on Friday and Saturday. Look at it as a fun way to show everyone how super cool you are. Sing, dance, make a jackass of yourself, and everyone will be totally back on your side. Sunday is a day to communicate but like, in a chill way, with your friends and those closest to you.
You’re literally the picture of health, Aries. This weekend, focus on giving your posse the extra push for getting fit and having fun. Head to community yoga at a brewery, try a new vegan restaurant, or just attempt to take a hike. You’ll be able to communicate the need for being fit without sounding annoying. Venus in your sign on Friday pushes your weekend passion outlook into a v positive zone, so make sure to jump on that sh*t whether you’re taken or single.
All eyes are on the future, Taurus, and it isn’t a bad thing. You’ve been super introspective all week about your career, relationships, and family, so don’t be surprised if your friends and loved ones start reaching out this weekend seeing wtf is up with you. It’s a good weekend to lay low and treat yourself to some true homebody-ing. If you’re paired up, a quiet weekend getaway or staycation can help get your focused (and passionate) about your relationship.
Awwwwwsh*t, you’re about to have a sexy motherf*cking weekend, Gemini. If you’re paired up, you’re seriously crushing on your SO and their ability to go with the flow and have fun. If you’re single, keep an eye on Friday and Saturday nights as great potential times to snag a new romantic interest.
Your coworkers will be at you on Friday, Cancer, be it about a project or afterwork shenanigans. After all that hubbub, focus on you this weekend, and let your feelings be center stage. Cuddle up with a romcom and cry into a bag of popcorn or nachos or whatever. Ain’t nobody can make you feel bad.
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