Chill Like The Weather: Weekend Horoscopes September 6-8

As Hurricane Dorian bashes the southeast (and my in-laws —hope y’all got enough water, fam), I’m wondering if our horoscopes foretold nature’s fury. I guess we can interpret things pretty much however we want though, right? Totes. That was deep!

Anyway, it’s still Virgo season, and it’s almost time for us to hide our tired summer bods under adorable scarves and sweaters, so get ready.


MASS VIRGO ENERGY! I guess, it being your like, month and all, you’ll notice an energetic and positive streak all weekend long. You’ve got alllll the planets on your side, so it isn’t really any surprise that Saturday and Sunday you’ll be in the f*cking zone. Plan something fun like a hike, picnic, or, if you hate the outdoors, something in a dimly lit room with lots of alcohol. Yay!


Get your OM on, Libra. Start the weekend off with some guided meditation, or just some goddamn peace and quiet, and a good cup of coffee. Jupiter is pushing you to communicate, so a brunch out with friends that are good listeners could be super beneficial.


Get out of the house, Scorpio. It’s a stellar weekend to spend out and about with friends, so try not to cancel plans this weekend, even though the couch (and Netflix) is calling to you. You may get some weird outing requests from friends, like a first time Crossfit class or a volunteer trash removal project. Just go with it. It’ll pay off like, cosmically speaking.


Sweatpants on repeat, Sagittarius. You’ve had kind of a roller coaster of a week, so don’t feel guilty locking the door, binge watching Parks and Rec, and staying in your loungewear all f*cking weekend. If you do leave the house, pamper yourself with a massage or v expensive hair treatment. Honestly, you’ve earned that sh*t.


The moon is making moves and you’re reaping the benefits, Capricorn. Impart your wisdom and advice unto others this weekend a la a girls brunch, introspective hike, or general get-together. Volunteering could also be a great move for you this weekend, both for helping you feel emotionally fulfilled AND for potentially meeting someone special. Ooo la la.


Friday night is perfect for getting your drank on, Aquarius. Head out and have a wild night, since you kind of haven’t in awhile. Take it easy on Saturday and spend some time with yourself. Eat a personal pizza, buy a new sex toy—whatever.


There’s only one of you Pisces, and it’s getting f*cking annoying. Because you can’t time travel or like, clone yourself, you’ll need to spend this weekend prioritizing and getting organized. There will never quite be enough time in the day for you, but there is time to knock out the most important to-dos if you plan accordingly.


Time to de-stress, Aries. Think long and hard on Friday about what helps you relax the most, then make those plans for Saturday and Sunday. Whether it’s a hotel stay for one, an 80-minute massage, a $500 cut and color at your fav salon, or a grueling workout with that hot personal trainer followed by Taco Bell to ruin it, just do you.


Slow the f*ck down, Taurus. You’re constantly rushing through sh*t, so you need to take this weekend to slow it all down and think about what you’re actually doing. Try some slow, sweaty yoga on Saturday morning, then head out for a slow-paced lunch for one or with a friend without ever glancing at the clock. Pretend you’re in Europe on vacay and that time doesn’t exist. You’ll be able to go back to work on Monday feeling refreshed and renewed. Praise be.


If things are feeling out of control, focus on a creative pursuit this weekend, Gemini. Maybe you’ve been dying to redecorate your bedroom, or creatively hide your partner’s college-era music posters. Whatever it is, getting yourself in a DIY zone this weekend will help take your mind off other stressors.


Time to take a pottery/painting/wine tasting class, Cancer. This is a prime weekend to explore something that brings your senses into play, so take advantage, fam. Your romantic outlook is also HOT this weekend, so plan a date night with your SO or go ahead and get back on those apps.


Time to socialize, Leo. You’re used to being the center of attention, so get out and hog the spotlight a little on Friday night. There’s a good chance that your bold dance moves will attract someone that’ll at least be a decent hookup. Can’t complain. Saturday and Sunday are great for quiet outings with friends or Taco Bell alone in your apartment. All in all, it’s shaping up to be a 10/10 weekend.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson