Clarity Vs. Confusion: Weekend Horoscopes May 31-June 2

It was a short week, fam, and thank God, because we’re now hurtling headlong into a short but welcome weekend. What do the stars have in store for us? We’ve got Venus and the moon merging on Friday, plus Saturn and Pluto making moves that’ll affect everyone in some weird but clarifying ways. Maybe we’ll all finally realize we have to get off the couch in order to tone up. Maybe we’ll collectively join a spin class then hate ourselves. Or maybe this weekend will give us the much needed mental capacity to tackle the guest room closet—home to an old TV, Vitamix box, broken clothing rack, and garbage bag of stuffed animals that mom INSISTED we couldn’t throw away and needed to keep indefinitely. Only one way to find out which!


Things are getting f*cking complicated, Gemini. If you’ve been quiet about wtf your status is with that guy you’re sort of seeing, don’t feel like you need to explain the mess to anyone now. It’s all coming out in the next few days, so prepare for a lot of questions and judgey looks from your besties. On the flip side, if you haven’t been seeing anyone (because you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man), don’t be scared to sit out of the dating game for a bit. You’ll go in feeling more confident in a few weeks (and after you’ve had some time to yourself). The good news is that a bunch of natural influencers will be pushing you, friends, and family together this weekend, so Sunday will be a great day for catching up and brunching with bottomless mimosas.


You’ve been in a romance fog of confusion all week, Cancer, and that’s about to change. Venus in Taurus will have you seeing things a lot more clearly when it comes to your romantic status come Friday. Weirdly, a friend or group of friends may play a part in bringing some romance into your day to day, so don’t completely distrust your besties if they say they know what’s good for you. Already got a lovah? Head out on a double date this weekend to send sparks flying and start a steamy weekend of reconnecting.


Your sense of style is finally paying off, Leo. People are paying attention to you, especially at work, and you can use that newfound clout to jump off on a new idea or project (like summer Fridays or jeans every day). Outside work, this weekend is offering clarity on your love life thanks to someone you respect. Schedule a social outing (or night in) with an old friend to really give yourself a good sounding board.


GTFO of town with your boo for the weekend, Virgo. A road trip somewhere cute with your long-time partner is just what you need to relax and reset. Drag him around some antique stores to test his love for you, or go on a hike with him to remind yourself how much you hate the outdoors but love this bro. If you’re newly dating someone, plan a sexy date that’ll leave you feeling powerful and as hot as you were in college (if only). Single? Good news: the planets are playing right into your trap and are perfectly aligned to help you meet a hot stranger. Maybe you’ll be smooshed against him on the subway. Maybe he’ll slide into your DMs at the perfect moment. Expand your horizons and open your eyes.


Get snuggly at home, Libra, and embrace the couch. A romantic night in with your SO is the perfect way to relax after this week. If you’re single, invite friends over and tell them to bring single strangers so you can mix and mingle. Just make sure you’ve embraced tidying up. Nobody can relax in a space full of old laundry and takeout containers.


You’re all about the truth, Scorpio. We get it – you say what you mean at all times without backing down. You’re a psycho and we love you for it. Telling truths seems to also apply to your love life this weekend, and a long convo with a lover this weekend could set the stage for, well, the rest of your relationship. Be diplomatic, but be honest. You deserve the best, but remember that you’re no picnic 24/7, either. If you’re single, be totally up-front about what you’re looking for with all the idiots you date. If you don’t want them playing games, you should hold yourself to the same set of rules. Good news, though: a potential mate this weekend could find your frankness quite refreshing.


You’re such a good person, Sagittarius, and it’s finally going to pay off. The planets are aligned this weekend to potentially help you make bank after you’ve poured your heart into something you really love. Maybe bedazzling all those cat sweatshirts is finally going to pay off. Maybe that home decor blog is finally going to get you noticed (probably not, tho). Or maybe your Etsy shop selling hand-crocheted underwear is going to hit the big time. Who f*cking knows.

You may also reap the emotional rewards of helping out your community in an act or service. Maybe you decided to head to Virginia Beach for a cleanup after the white trash and redneck triathlon came through over Memorial Day. Think how good you’ll feel to know you’re better than all those people!


Seize the f*cking weekend, Capricorn. You’re totally into the idea of seizing the moment and living in the present this weekend, which is great considering Monday at work will probably blow, and that spin class next week is giving you hella anxiety. If you’re one of a couple, you’ll have some tender feels with your partner and remember why you first decided to start dating. How presh! If you’re single, your complete maturity (not applicable to dank memes) may attract someone interesting. Either way, live in the moment and be you, Capri-Sun. Kisses.


Get that fairy tale ending, Aquarius. You’ve never shied away from the idea of having it all, and this weekend you’ll double down on that promise to yourself.  Your end game around a romance might seem vague to the casual onlooker, but the truth is that you’re steadily working behind the scenes to orchestrate your happy ending. The plan is so stealthy that sometimes you’re not even aware of how your subtle moves are turning the dial in your favor. Whether you’re coupled or single, the story remains the same. There’s something that you’re after and you’re busy working behind closed doors to make it happen.


You’re loyal AF, Pisces, and everybody knows it. This weekend, your ability to be more loyal than an AKC-winning Golden Retriever will be on full display, and everyone will think you’re rad. Whether it’s a friend hoping you do the right thing (like not tell everyone they got diarrhea in Barnes & Noble) or your unwavering ability to never miss your bestie’s yoga class even though you f*cking hate yoga, your true allegiance will earn you some goddamn respect and help you bend others to your will. Yay.


Have some f*cking confidence, Aries. The end of the week sees you THIIIIS close to sealing a deal at work—be it a big project, career change, or long-sought goal. Turn on your charm and seal the deal. In the love department, Venus in Taurus is doin’ a dance with Saturn, which translates to your weekend giving you super amazing self perception which will help your love life in the long run. Don’t undercut or undervalue yourself. You deserve to have it all, a partner just as comfortable with your stained hoodie collection as they are with your ability to class it up at a gala after downing a bucket of fried chicken.


With the moon and Venus merging on Friday, love is in your near future, Taurus. Pluto has you easily weeding out the bullsh*t which, if you’re single, can help you spot f*ckboys and douchers a mile away. That’ll help you avoid terrible dates in future. Elsewhere this weekend, embrace your inner bull, and don’t shy away from truly being yourself. If you wanna go to the clerb and dance on strangers, go for it. If you’re into re-watching all of seasons 1 and 2 of A Handmaid’s Tale, that sounds depressing, but you do you. Demand respect from long-time romantic partners who may judge your shenanigans or new loves that aren’t sure about your current career path (or lack thereof).

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson