Last Call For Summer: Weekend Horoscopes August 16-18

It’s the motherf*cking weekend, and it’s time to submit to the stars and planets for whatever those jerks have in store for us! Whether you’re destined for love, fights with your mom, or attempts at reorganizing your closet by color and season again (literally impossible), here’s what you can expect from your horoscopes this weekend.


Everyone wants a piece of you, Leo. Someone on Friday finds you especially hot, so feel free to throw inhibitions to the wind and f*cking go for it. By Saturday, you’ll have completely switched gears and you’ll have finances and careers on the brain. Think about what you really want, then talk to daddy’s investor friends and see what they think.


You and your SO are feeling uber connected this weekend, so go with it. Tackle something that proved difficult in the past on Saturday—like donating old sh*t or reorganizing your shared space. Come Sunday, the efforts will prove to have been really enlightening and uplifting. Plus, you’ll actually have room to have people over. Remember—the memories of you college-age “Live, Laugh, Love” sign can live on in your heart, but not so much on your bathroom wall.


You’re like, such a good person, Libra. You’ve spent the last few weeks being a kind caregiver, and this weekend it’ll pay off for you. So, yes, keep listening to your BFF go on about her tragic dating life while pounding rosé with her. Or tell your boss all of her ideas are like, so inspiring—even if they kinda aren’t. Continue connecting through Sunday, when a joint hiking trip or yoga class could lead to something super beneficial for you (other than great muscle definition).


You’re intriguing af, Scorpio, so embrace it this weekend—especially if you’re single. And with the week having been intense as it was, try to take Friday and Saturday as a chance to slam a few brewskis and chill tf out. Take Sunday to reset a bit, as you’ll feel kinda drained, and Monday always sucks enough on its own.


Time to organize your sh*t, Sagittarius. You’ve had a super inspiring month so far, and focusing on re-organizing your closet, kitchen, and whatever else you’ve ignored at home this weekend will only continue the awesome trend. Be like Marie Kondo, and “love mess.” Also, communication is key this weekend, so whether you’re arguing with your SO about where to go to dinner on Friday night or debating sending a mean email in time for work on Monday, remember to be clear in your messaging.


Rinse and repeat, Capricorn. You’ve been kind of, er, intense in the romance department lately, so it may be a good opportunity to take the weekend and reset. There isn’t anything wrong with you; the planets are just, like, f*cking your emotions up. Heading to see a decent band play on Friday or Saturday night can help drown out the many, many voices in your head.


Get your sh*t together, Aquarius. You’ve been crazy intensely focused on those around you, and it’s time to flip the script this weekend. What do you want? Reassess both your emotional and financial needs and create a personal care plan, fam. It’s time to adult. On the subject of adulting, the full moon in your sign will have your sexy time skills TOP f*cking NOTCH, so grab a partner and f*cking go to town. I mean, there’s really nothing else to do, right?


We’re on a f*cking rollercoaster, Pisces, and it isn’t all bad. Get ready for up and down emotions and romance Friday through Sunday. But you can totally get through it unscathed if you lean on friends and family for support. Plus, by Sunday, with a little kindness you’ll be able to inspire love and devotion payable to you. Foot rubs, massages, multi-course Mexican dinners, and more can be on the docket if you’re focused, nice, and patient with the people around you.


Become a picture of health, Aries, and it’ll pay off. This weekend, take a sec to focus on aligning your chakras or whatever, and less time on chugging mimosas and slamming tacos (shhhh, hush—there’s always next weekend for that). Hit up the gym, go for a run, or actually just try to like, go outside at some point. Plus, by focusing on your own mental and physical health Friday and Saturday, you’ll be ready to lend an emotionally helping hand to a friend going through some sh*t on Sunday.


Everything is so f*cking awesome this weekend that it’s likely to scare you, Taurus. But don’t get weird about it. This new view on everything being amazing will help lift up others around you that may be kind of in the dumps. Plus, Uranus and the full moon this past Thursday lined some sh*t up to make for a social and fortunate weekend, so get out and do something like brunch with betches or a group outing.


Friends and gifts make for a fruitful weekend, Gemini. A coworker or close confidante could be gifting you with information that’ll come in handy at work on Monday, or in your after-work social circles. Don’t go overboard with your new knowledge, and remember: Spider-Man always told us that with great power comes great responsibility. The full moon in Aquarius will make social situations super fun Friday through Sunday, so don’t cancel plans. You could meet someone, like, actually worth your time.


Follow your gut, Cancer, especially on Saturday. It could lead you to fun, romantic, and weird-but-chill times. Your SO may be extra antsy to achieve his or her own goals this weekend, so it could be a stellar opportunity to bring up that house project they haven’t finished yet. Remember to try and be a guiding force and not a naggy, mean one. K? If you’re single, treat yourself to a spa weekend then head out on the town. Uranus is making you look like an extra amazing snack on Friday and Saturday, so f*cking own it.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson