Everyone has a lot of f*cking feelings this week, so we can think of no better time to announce the beginning of winter body season. That’s right: it’s time to bundle the f*ck up, throw those sweats on, and treat yo’self in preparation for all of the big eating holidays to come. Food makes everything better, so whether the planets have you destined to feel extra sexy, followed by some self-loathing this weekend, or are pushing you to fight everyone, just shove a donut in your mouth and try to move on.
Shall we?
Libra
Thanks to Mars in your sign, you’re feeling super f*cking emotional this weekend, Libra. It’ll pass, but taking some time for yourself will definitely help move the feelings along. Don’t be surprised if your boss texts you Saturday about that giant project you’ve been putting off. It’s fine to work a lil extra this weekend; just be sure to give yourself some time away from the emails on Sunday.
Scorpio
You’re sexy and you know it, Scorpio. Srsly, the planets are lining up to make you extra irresistible Friday and Saturday. so make sure you dedicate at least one day this weekend to either getting freaky-weird with your SO or hitting the town with your lady gang. Sunday should be dedicated to all things creative, so it’s finally time to tackle that DIY project of changing out the pulls on your dresser or making up a dessert to eat alone later. Get to it.
Sagittarius
You’re ready to soak up your own awesomeness this weekend, Sagittarius. Fun is def on the table, so whatever you end up doing, you’ll likely have an amazing time. Grab drinks with your besties on Friday, since the planets are pushing you to be social heading into the weekend. Mom or Dad may try to pop in on Saturday, so be nice and let them make you dinner/do your laundry/rearrange your furniture.
Capricorn
Stop f*cking doubting yourself, Capricorn. You’re usually pretty confident, but this weekend has you feeling wishy-washy on, well, everything. Whatever you do, try not to backtrack (see: texting your ex and why you shouldn’t do it 101) and comfort yourself by cuddling with puppies or ordering more food than you need from Postmates.
Aquarius
The planets are pushing you to spend your life savings this weekend, Aquarius. Don’t f*cking listen, because no, it isn’t a good idea to dip into your 401k. Spend time with your favorite people this weekend, but be conservative about your finances. You don’t need to go all out and be the sugar daddy for the group this time.
Pisces
Enjoy some motherf*cking alone time this weekend, Pisces. Take a f*cking break, put on those stained sweats you secretly love, and binge watch some sh*t. Unplug and turn off your phone, too. It’s okay to take a step back from everything between Friday night and Saturday. Sunday, if you’re ready to face the world, treat yourself to a breakfast for one outside the house, then settle in to read a trashy novel.
Aries
Some sh*t’s gonna get real for you this weekend, Aries. So no, not everything is going to go according to plan (Pro tip: stock up on Plan B and vodka). You’ll be more ready to fight than a Jersey housewife this weekend, so try to avoid spirited discussions with those you KNOW you tend to clash with. On Saturday, try to roll with whatever your SO or bestie want to do and take the pressure off yourself. Now’s not the time to be a control freak.
Taurus
Get ready for romance, Taurus. More specifically, get ready for your SO to be all over you or for everyone to try to bring you home this weekend. Don’t get high on power, though, as being picky could actually pay off. We say flirt everyone up on Friday but play hard-to-get by Sunday.
Gemini
Single? GTFO there, Gemini. Tis the perfect fall weekend to find a mate just in time for cuffing season, so believe in yourself, throw some eyeliner on, and get in there. If you’re already paired up, spend some extra time with your SO this weekend doing all the fall sh*t. Saturday is prime for apple picking, so you can hate yourselves afterwards. Remember, if you don’t put it on Instagram, it’s like it never even happened.
Cancer
Saturday is for napping, Cancer. Seriously, there’s too much to be overstimulated about this weekend, so go ahead and give yourself permission to cancel plans on Friday and nest on Saturday. It’s actually a great chance to treat yourself to a home-cooked meal or visit with your fam, so go ahead and get that on the calendar if possible.
Leo
You’re feeling hella “meh” this weekend, Leo. Saturday, let someone else make the plans and you can just tag along for the ride. Try to avoid getting butthurt over anything, since you’ll be extra sensitive and likely to start sh*t when it just isn’t necessary. Sleep in on Sunday and eat waffles because you deserve it, champ.
Virgo
Time to pamper, Virgo. You haven’t given yourself permission to indulge and celebrate yourself in awhile, so take Saturday to go to the spa, mani-pedi your sh*t, and then buy shoes or whatever. It’ll help take your mind of how BLAH you’ve been feeling about your relationship lately, too. Don’t worry—by Monday, you’ll be feeling on the up and up.
Images: Giphy (12)
