Sarah
Nowicki

Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson

Stuff I Wrote

You Need A Hobby: Weekend Horoscopes May 29-31

By Sarah Nowicki

Awww sh*t, is it almost June?

Stay Home For The Holiday: Weekend Horoscopes May 22-24

By Sarah Nowicki

Can you believe it's almost June?

Put Down The Credit Card: Weekend Horoscopes May 15-17

By Sarah Nowicki

Get ready for the second wave of 'rona, you guys.

8 Hilarious Moms On Instagram Who Keep Sh*t Real

By Sarah Nowicki

There's pretty much nothing better to do these days than wake up and scroll through Instagram.

Embrace The Sweatpants: Weekend Horoscopes May 8-10

By Sarah Nowicki

Did you forget it was Mother's Day this coming Sunday?

It's Gonna Be May: Weekend Horoscopes May 1-3

By Sarah Nowicki

Welcome to quarantine week what-the-f*ck-ever, where nothing matters.

12 Kitchen Gadgets To Make You A Better Quarantine Cook

By Sarah Nowicki

Since we're all going to be living indoors for the foreseeable future, it's probably time you learned how to f*cking cook.

Time For A Vibe Check: Weekend Horoscopes April 24-26

By Sarah Nowicki

So COVID-19 is over, all the protests to reopen states totally worked, and no one is infected with the spicy bat flu anymore.

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: A White Trash Triathlon

By Sarah Nowicki

Being in quarantine means we have lots of time to read about things going wrong while we're sitting inside, in our daytime pajamas, living through a sort of dystopian hellscape.

Get Comfortable: Weekend Horoscopes April 17-19

By Sarah Nowicki

Time is a social construct!

Tips For Working From Home With Kids Without Going Insane

By Sarah Nowicki

Quarantine, social distancing, and "working" from home are the new normal.

Do Something Fun: Weekend Horoscopes April 10-12

By Sarah Nowicki

What day is it?

Isolated AF: Weekend Horoscopes April 3-5

By Sarah Nowicki

Welcome to April, where we don't wear anything except loungewear, the sun stings our eyes, and drinking during work meetings has become the norm.

Ah, Ha, Ha, Ha Stayin' Inside: Weekend Horoscopes March 27-29

By Sarah Nowicki

Welcome to the Thunderdome quarantine, week two, where the rules are made up and nothing matters.

Healthy Isolation Snacks To Keep In Your Pantry

By Sarah Nowicki

Welcome to the new normal, where we're all funemployed or "working" from home and can't remember what it's like to go to brunch or interact with other people.

Home Forever: Weekend Horoscopes March 20-22

By Sarah Nowicki

Our first week of serious social distancing is coming to a close, and I assume most of you have already eaten all of your pantry supplies and have moved on to rationing toilet paper in your homes.

The Best Sex Positions To Try Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Sarah Nowicki

Yes, kids, you read that title right.

To Quarantine, Or Not To Quarantine: Weekend Horoscopes March 13-15

By Sarah Nowicki

Beware the Ides of March, or whatever.

WTF Do I Wear To A Friend's Baby Shower?

By Sarah Nowicki

So, your friend is having a baby, like, on purpose.

Kate Middleton Swore By HypnoBirthing: WTF Is It, & Is It As Crazy As It Sounds?

By Sarah Nowicki

As long as people with uteruses have been giving birth, we've been trying to think of ways to make the entire process less hellish (thanks a f*cking lot, Eve).

The Betches’ Bachelorette Guide To Asheville

By Sarah Nowicki

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

Spring Forward: Weekend Horoscopes March 6-8

By Sarah Nowicki

Spring forward, kids.

An Extra Day To Do Nothing: Weekend Horoscopes February 28-March 1

By Sarah Nowicki

Happy Leap Year, bitches!

Clean Your F*cking Room: Weekend Horoscopes February 21-23

By Sarah Nowicki

Valentine's Day is over, winter is on its way out, and spring is on the horizon.

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: A Literal Sh*t Show

By Sarah Nowicki

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

See The Postpartum Recovery Ad That The Oscars Deemed 'Too Graphic'

By Sarah Nowicki

If you've been under a rock the last few days (same tbh), you may have missed the sh*tstorm surrounding a commercial showing the reality of postpartum recovery.

Who Needs Love? Weekend Horoscopes February 14-16

By Sarah Nowicki

Happy F*cking Valentine's Day weekend, fam.

7 Gifts Your Pregnant Friends Actually Want

By Sarah Nowicki

Soooo your friend is pregnant.

The Betches’ Bachelorette Guide To Savannah

By Sarah Nowicki

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

The Earth Is Heating Up & So Are You: Weekend Horoscopes February 7-9

By Sarah Nowicki

Here we are, barreling into February full blast.

5 Things I Wish I Knew Before My C-Section

By Sarah Nowicki

There are a lot of *feelings* regarding how people have kids these days.

We Asked A Dermatologist About Pregnancy-Safe Skin Care

By Sarah Nowicki

Along with giving up your weekly sushi habit, swearing off caffeine, and kissing alcohol goodbye, pregnancy comes with some rules when it comes to skin care.

January Is Finally Over: Weekend Horoscopes Jan 31-Feb 2

By Sarah Nowicki

Holy sh*t, January is over.

You Need A Hobby: Weekend Horoscopes January 24-26

By Sarah Nowicki

It's Aquarius season, f*ckers!

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Groom Demands Bride Buy $100 Dress

By Sarah Nowicki

Will This Month Ever End? Weekend Horoscopes January 17-19

By Sarah Nowicki

Well, it's January 765th, and we're still either blindly holding on to those resolutions or gave up about 764 days ago.

8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Having A Baby

By Sarah Nowicki

Having a kid is weird.

What Resolutions? Weekend Horoscopes January 10-12

By Sarah Nowicki

New year new you—except probably not really.

The Weirdest Food Trends That Are Going To Be Big In 2020

By Sarah Nowicki

Another year, another bout of really f*cking stupid food trends on the horizon.

The Comfiest Maternity Dresses You Can Also Wear After Pregnancy

By Sarah Nowicki

Maternity dress shopping is like, hard.

Happy Friendsgiving: Weekend Horoscopes November 22-24

By Sarah Nowicki

It's almost Thanksgiving, and most of us are being unfairly targeted by the cosmos to spend time (if not suffer a bit of drama) at the hands of family members and close friends.

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Groomzilla Won't Dress Up For His Own Wedding

By Sarah Nowicki

You Do You: Weekend Horoscopes Nov. 15-17

By Sarah Nowicki

It's the last weekend in Scorpio, which means the archer, Sagittarius, is ready to get this winter show on the road.

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Hold My Pee

By Sarah Nowicki

A Texas Couple's Gender Reveal Ended In A Plane Crash

By Sarah Nowicki

The headline says it all, guys.

Mercury Is A Betch: Weekend Horoscopes Nov. 8-10

By Sarah Nowicki

The forecast next week calls for a low UNDER 20 degrees, so like, I officially think we all need to collectively be on winter vacation.

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Bride Scams Friends & Family Out Of $30K In Wedding Donations

By Sarah Nowicki

Hibernation Vibes: Weekend Horoscopes November 1-3

By Sarah Nowicki

Happy psycho Scorpio season, Karen!

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Say No To Sunrise Weddings

By Sarah Nowicki

Your wedding day is pretty much all about you (and like, a little about the person you're marrying).

6 Things People Don't Realize About Trying To Get Pregnant

By Sarah Nowicki

When we were in college (or high school, I don't know your life), getting your period after a month of fooling around was the equivalent of Christmas morning.

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