Wicked
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The moon moves from Pisces into Aries to start the weekend, making all signs just a little bit more independent.

It's a week for freedom and fuckups.

Why is the week after a long weekend the most hellish of all?

The Tuesday after a long weekend is somehow so, so much worse than any Monday.

Ah, yes.

So you didn't marry a prince over the weekend.

This weekend, if you're still talking about the Laurel/Yanni debate, it's time to find a hobby and instead focus on what the stars have in store for you this weekend.

Uranus enters Taurus this week, shaking things up for all signs.

The Moon shifts from Pisces to Aries over the weekend.

Mercury is totally out of its retrograde shadow now.

The full moon Sunday really fucked stuff up last week.

Things look great for all signs at the beginning of the week, but things take a turn as we head toward the weekend.

With Mercury out of retrograde, the world is your oyster.

Thank the Lord, Oprah, and Beyonce that Mercury is not in retrograde anymore.

Mercury is in Retrograde through the end of the weekend and then it's over for good.

Mercury is still in retrograde this week, and actually, Jupiter is too.

Unfortunately, there's no drinking-focused holiday to distract your friends and loved ones from another weekend of watching basketball.

I hope you got your fill of green beer and basketball over the weekend.

As much fun as it is to watch the drama unfold on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in real time, it's also pretty fun to come to wildly accurate conclusions based on spoilers released by the showrunners themselves.

It's the first weekend of March Madness, so your boyfriend will most likely reward your willingness to watch basketball by making you watch more basketball.

This week, it's all about harnessing the power of Mars to your advantage.

With warmer temperatures right around the corner, there's no reason you can't pregame spring .

While some are on spring break, others are anxiously awaiting spring break.

It's a new month.

Winter decides to circle back around for a lot of us this week like, "Surprise, bitch." If that's not enough to put you in a bad mood, the four planets in Pisces, Mars in Sagittarius, Jupiter in Scorpio, and Saturn in Capricorn bring clashing energy between the signs.

We have started wading deeper into Pisces season.

The Sun moved into Pisces Sunday.

Whether or not your employers are blessing you with a three-day weekend, this weekend will be big for all signs, so listen up for your weekend horoscope.

Aquarius betches better drink it up as this is the last week this year with the Sun in their sign.

We know most Bachelor and Bachelorette relationships aren't built to last, but Rachel Lindsay and Bryan Abasolo say they're doing just fine and plan on tying the knot official in 2018.

Even though you survived last week's weird super blue blood full moon or whatever the fuck, that complete lunar eclipse will still affect you this week and, actually, for the next six months.

So you survived the Super Blood Full Blue Eclipse Twilight New Moon or whatever the fuck happened midweek week.