Why is the week after a long weekend the most hellish of all? Ugh. Well, we’re glad that’s finally over and we can get on to better things i.e. the weekend. Memorial Day is, like, the unofficial official kick-off to summer so it’s totally okay to start posting silly pool floaty Instas and snaps of your colorful ice cream cones. Get out there and make it look like your life is better than it really is to strangers on Insta. Here are your weekend horoscopes for the first weekend of June.
Aries
Your emotions are pretty fired up thanks to the position of your ruler, Mars. Sure, something this weekend might seem like a “now or never” situation, but it really isn’t. It’s not the best time to call out your best friend for her shitty behavior or declare your love for the guy who may or may not know that you exist. Think before you act this weekend, k?
Taurus
When it rains, it pours. You feel like there are romantic possibilities everywhere you turn. Don’t ruin a good thing because you want a ridiculous amount of attention. Whether you’re settled and serious with someone or you just started a new thing, flirting with anyone and everyone is going to be a red flag to your significant other. It’s not cute, honey. It’s a little desperate.
Gemini
You’re annoying the shit out of your friends with all your talk about your big dreams when they can all tell you’re not taking any action. They’re definitely talking shit about you behind your back. With the Sun in your sign, if you really want something, you better work, betch. The Sun will bring you good luck and attention, so there’s no time like the present to start working the crowd for that start-up seed money.
Cancer
Mercury is a talker and is synching up with sexy Mars in your intimacy zone. So whether it’s flirty banter with a stranger at a bar or a sext session with your out-of-town hookup, let your freak flag fly this weekend. Just make sure you don’t accidentally text your boss or brother or dad some embarrassing shit.
Leo
Someone very close to you will deliver the message that you need to hear this weekend. So, yeah, you better listen the fuck up. Thanks to the Mercury/Mars alignment in your social house, others are willing to offer you great advice. It’s not their fault if you’re too ignorant to take their advice (or too blacked out when they tell you). Listen and learn this weekend.
Virgo
Your caring nature and approachable vibe will make you popular this weekend. Some of the other signs are dealing with some shit, so they’ll definitely be seeking a shoulder to cry on. Keep your schedule tightly packed with people you actually want to see so you don’t end up brunching with Debbie Downer out of sheer boredom.
Libra
It’s going to be a wonderful weekend for the Libra betch. All the right people will be in the right places for you to take advantage. Someone with some power over you might take a particular liking to you. Just be careful—becoming too tight with the boss over margaritas at happy hour could leave some of your coworkers wary of trusting you come Monday because they’ll see you as the office narc.
Scorpio
You’re in a generous mood this weekend. Sure, you rarely shy from putting a round on your tab, but this weekend you might want to hold back a little more. Fight the urge to cover the bill with people who just assume you’ll take care of it. Someone else can reach their wallet for once. Likewise, you’ll be needing a cash boost soon enough so it’s wise to save a little now.
Sagittarius
This weekend, an intimate encounter is set to blow your mind. Keep you expectations sorta low for what comes after, though. Homeboy might not text you back or he could be a stage 5 clinger. You’ve been warned. Of course, you can avoid all this drama by winding up drunk at your apartment with your favorite guys instead: Ben & Jerry. Let’s be real. You might not get an orgasm, but ice cream really never lets you down.
Capricorn
It’s not the weekend to hold back. If your bestie is celebrating a birthday, first of all, I’m sorry because Geminis are hard to deal with, but you should pull out all stops to make the day great for her. Whatever you give in love and attention will come back to you tenfold in the near future. So go ahead, hire that Abe Lincoln look-alike stripper for her. It’s weird, sure, but making others happy should be your priority right now.
Aquarius
Self-promotion will pay off this weekend. Go ahead, post that thirst-trap Insta if you’re trying to make your ex miss you. It’s also the right time to finally post that lengthy “big life change” rant on Facebook. You know the one—where you say you’re “excited to continue this journey” like you’re the goddamned Bachelorette or something. Just as long as your “journey” isn’t you buying into a Multi-Level Marketing company. If that’s the case, keep that shit to yourself.
Pisces
It’s time to be more creative with your weekend plans. Your friend and/or boyfriend situation has fallen into that rut of doing the same shit every weekend, and it’s really old. With warmer weather, it’s time to become the organizer of the group and start scouting the summer activities you need to hit up. Music in the park, free day at the zoo, adult night at the science center— if it’s free and there’s alcohol, put it on the to-do list.
Images:Zoran Zonde Stojanovski / Unsplash; Giphy (6)
