Thank the Lord, Oprah, and Beyonce that Mercury is not in retrograde anymore. By Wednesday, the Sun lines up with Uranus and shenanigans will ensue. Not like, retrograde-level shit, but a minor inconvenience you’ll definitely whine about for two days. Hey, look on the bright side. No one is threatening to release a tape featuring you and two Russian hookers, right? See, things could be worse.
Now that Mercury is out of retrograde, you can slowly repair all the relationships you fucked up with a lack of communication. That is, unless a weekend of partying at Coachella or elsewhere has you realizing that you don’t need anyone in your life that isn’t a ride or die. If that’s the case, your horoscope April 16 says just carry on and apologize to no one.
Your greatest insight will come to you through your dreams and daydreams this week. Pay attention to where your mind is wandering for your horoscope April 16. If you have a dream about your boyfriend cheating on you, I’m not saying he’s for sure cheating, but I feel like that’s some probable cause evidence. Definitely go through his phone like you’re Robert Mueller combing through Michael Cohen’s emails.
A new moon in Aries could send shock waves through your social circle to start the week. Geminis can usually play both sides with their chameleon-like nature, but this will be a situation where it’s muy importante that you pick a side. Sure, you’re going to try to stay neutral by claiming you “hate drama,” but you’re totally the first one to light up the group chat when you hear new gossip about the opposing side.
It’s been weird with your work situation lately. You can totally blame that on Mercury in retrograde. Now that that shit is over, your horoscope April 16 has decided that things will start going back to normal. Be forewarned: with all the free time your boss has now that they aren’t putting out a million figurative (and maybe some literal) fires, they’ll be more likely to realize you haven’t done, like, any work for the past month. Like,what? Is that bad?
Venus at the top of your chart blesses your dealings with others. Plus, some sudden opportunities to travel could pop up randomly by the middle of the week. So, like, if your boyfriend surprises you with a weekend trip to Palm Springs or Vegas or Miami or whatever, I guess you could go. Thank god you ordered all those swimsuits in the middle of winter, right?
Betch, your taxes are due by Tuesday. Make sure your dad or your accountant or your boss-bitch self is on top of that because money mix-ups are likely this week. Sure, Mercury isn’t in retrograde anymore, but that won’t protect you if you happen to be a total dumbass when it comes to your funds. I’m sorry, but your horoscope April 16 wants you to know that’s just the way it is.
This week ushers in a changing of the tides. While the week starts smoothly on Monday, by Wednesday, that could change. Tread lightly when bringing up grievances with a roommate or partner. Remember, not everyone is as balanced as you, Libra, so weird or unexpected reactions from others are likely.
Venus in your sign makes you more diplomatic. Mercury is out of retrograde, but little problems with others could still pop up— like fucking Jeremy in accounting “borrowing” your K-cups at the office like everyday. Use your diplomacy to tell that asshole that he needs to buy his own goddamned coffee (in the nicest way possible, of course).
Mercury in retrograde may have rekindled communication with an ex. Now that Mercury, the planet of communication, has moved the fuck on, so should you. As a Sagittarius, you usually set high standards for yourself. Remember those high standards when that person slides a “lookin good” into your DM’s on Instagram.
This week your energy shifts from doing what’s necessary to doing what’s fun. No more drudging through the week day by day. Weather be damned: it’s time to make your return to the social scene in preparation of better weather. Even if it’s not patio season yet, you can always start eyeing the best rooftop and patio happy hour locations. Your friends will thank you when you bless them with the knowledge of a new spot.
The promise of better weather has you in total spring cleaning mode. Okay, maybe not, like, literal cleaning, but you want to be out with the old and in with the new for a fresh start. Oh, you don’t actually want to get rid of anything? Sooooo, what you’re really getting at here is that you want to go shopping for new spring clothes, shoes, and decor. Great. Glad we figured that out.
Mercury is out of retrograde; that’s great news. What’s not-so-great news is that your finances will still be fucked up. Watch for overdrafts and other shitty mix-ups during the middle of the week. Stay calm and work on practical solutions this week; beware any money issues for your horoscope April 16. You’ll need things to be in order for a big purchase and spending on fun shit in the month ahead.
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