It’s the first weekend of March Madness, so your boyfriend will most likely reward your willingness to watch basketball by making you watch more basketball. It’s a cruel, cruel world. If you’re content to sit in a sports bar and chill like one of the bros, your weekend will probably be awesome, no matter what sign you are. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t worry, the NCAA tournament only lasts for the next three weekends. Also, it’s St. Paddy’s day. These two factors combined will truly be a testament to your liver, so brace yourself. Anyway, here is your weekend horoscope March 16 – 18.
The Dark Moon in Pisces is conjuring up the past. Instead of scrolling through Facebook photos of you and an ex from 2009, focus on the present. Think of new lines to feed your dating app matches. Buy a new going out outfit. Learn a new skill, like how to properly shotgun a beer—whatever will keep your mind off of reminiscing on a relationship that wasn’t great in the first place.
You’re just, like, not feeling very supported right now. It could be because your dad refused to pay your rent after you blew most of your money on spring break. Maybe your friends aren’t being supportive of a new relationship you’re in. The New Moon provides you with an opportunity to restore peace. Besides, dad can’t stay “disappointed” in you for very long, can he?
You might be a little down about accomplishments this weekend. Someone close to you seems to keep climbing while you wear out your favorite pair of sweats and discover new memes all day. This weekend, reevaluate what success means to you. But let’s be clear, no one counts your ability to find the perfect gif for every group chat convo as a sign that you’re successful, so don’t rest on that, Laurel.
Your refusal to follow the rules in lieu of forging your path could get you into hot water this weekend. It’s great to be independent and all but not when that independence inspires you to set up Ikea furniture without the instruction manual or tell the Uber driver you know a shortcut in a city you’ve never been to before. You do not know better.
If you’re single and tired of the monotony of dating, it’s probably a sign you should give it a rest. The New Moon on Saturday will draw you closer to family and long-time friends, so don’t expect a love connection if a guy asks you for drinks that night. Besides, I don’t trust a dude who is scamming on girls and not watching basketball all weekend. He’s probably a serial killer, and I just saved your life. You’re welcome.
The Dark Moon in Pisces on Friday creates contention in your partnership zone. Whether you’re single or taken, expect to feel a little dissatisfied with your situation. The New Moon Saturday will inspire you to share how you’re feeling, just don’t get too carried away. No dude needs to find out you think his best friend is hotter than he is, and you think his penis is weird. Sometimes personal thoughts should just stay personal.
You’re carrying some angry energy with you from the week into the weekend. Dedicate this weekend to unwinding. Take an extremely long, hot shower. Do some yoga. Smoke a bunch of weed. The world of relaxation is your oyster. Just, like, make sure you do some of that stuff because if you don’t, you risk having a total meltdown next week, and psycho is not a good look on you.
Feelings that you’re not being appreciated have been building. You probably always offer pay for the group Uber or are totally willing to go along with it when others decide it’s a good idea to split the check evenly at group dinner. Like, you didn’t even have any of the appetizer! Ugh, whatever. If you’re tired of giving more than your fair share and never getting anything in return, maybe it’s time to take a break from that friend group for a while, or, like, find richer friends.
That impatient side of the Sagittarius betch comes out again this weekend. Don’t be surprised if your boyfriend thinks you’re on your period because you’re being a little cranky pants (even if that’s reductive and kind of sexist). The New Moon will restore a little bit of your peace of mind in the fact that everything will work out. Until then, have a big glass of wine and try not to murder your roommates.
This weekend, resist the urge to be passive-aggressive AF. If you refuse to speak your mind directly and honestly, like literally every cast member on Vanderpump Rules after one drink, you better just swallow your feelings. Keep it to yourself at that point and move on. No one likes to be around a kill-joy sulker all weekend. Nut up or shut the fuck up, as they say.
You’ve been having a great time lately, which is awesome. Like, really, good for you. What’s not awesome is how broke you’ve let yourself become by living your best life. The New Moon is encouraging you to take a step forward with your career so you can line your pockets with more of that cash. Use the weekend to practice your pitch to ask for a raise or by browsing for a new, higher-paying job online. All your friends are watching basketball, so what else do you really have to do all weekend? That’s what I thought.
You’ve been using the Sun in your sign to advance your personal agenda, but as the Sun prepares to shift into Aries next week, it’s time to cool it a bit. The New Moon this weekend encourages you to keep exploring your truth in a more meaningful and productive way. Trade your extra hours in the office for extra shots in your cocktails, extra stamps in your passport and extra likes on your hot Insta pics.
Images: Giphy (6)