It’s a new month. You know what they say about March: “In like a lion, out like a drunker lion.” Something like that. Anyway, it’s still cold and shitty outside. You’re still planning on getting wasted this weekend. Yet, you probably still need this horoscope to give you some hope for a hot hookup or, at least a text back. I’m here for you, boo. Welcome to your first weekend March horoscope. It’s gonna be a long month.
Aries
You know how you, like, have a dream about your boyfriend cheating or doing something shady so you’re mad at him all day? Well, this weekend, you need to go with your gut and dump his dream-cheating ass. If your dreams are speaking to you or you just don’t feel right about a situation in your life, you should trust your intuition.
Taurus
It doesn’t really matter if you went all cuffing season without a cuddle buddy. You would just have to dump that person before spring break anyway. This weekend is not the weekend to go out in search of a hookup. You don’t need the drama or hassle in your life at this time. The most fun you could have will be in a group setting. And, hey, if hot guys happen to also want to hang out with your squad, that’s fine too.
Gemini
You’ll feel pulled in two different directions this weekend. Classic Gemini. The Moon in Virgo wants you to stay in, where you can be cozy and warm. Mercury and Venus want you to get out there and socialize. Why not feed both of those demons and wear pajamas as daytime and even evening wear? I mean, if Gigi Hadid can pull that look off, so can you. Probably. Maybe.
Cancer
Everyone knows you can be a little bit of a lame-ass homebody if your friends don’t force you to go out. This weekend, watch a motivational video or some shit to get you out of the house and making the most of the time you have away from a desk. Take a weekend trip. Find some sort of Instagrammable spot in your city you have yet to visit. Admit it, your feed has been getting a little stale with all your winter #hygge posts.
Leo
Your March horoscope, especially this weekend, shows you being a little more emotional than usual. Things that normally wouldn’t bother you, like a friend flaking on plans or a guy not texting you back, might cut your ego a little more than you’d like. Instead of going full bitch mode and taking it out on your friends with salty, sarcastic remarks, get revenge on whomever wronged you by living your best life and posting about it all weekend.
Virgo
You’re not about the group hang this weekend. Your goal is to spend the weekend one-on-one with your ride or die. Just be forewarned, the Moon in your sign opposing Mercury and Venus indicates there will be some friction between what you want and what they want. You might want to cozy up Sunday night and talk shit about people at the Oscars while they… well, I don’t know what could be equally as fun as that, but maybe they’ll have a suggestion.
Libra
Your desire to get away from the normal will be in full force this weekend. Ruled by Venus, Libra betches can get tired of the day-to-day really easily. You’ve been plugging along, going to work, exercising, doing laundry and all that boring shit. This weekend, you just want to say “fuck it” and eat ice cream and throw all your dirty clothes on the floor. Go for it.
Scorpio
You’re actually in for a really decent weekend. You’ve got a lot of invites to do fun shit. You might even have an exciting date in the works. The nice thing, though, is that your good time is not dependent on others. In fact, people are inviting you to do things all weekend long because you bring the party, and no, I’m not talking about coke. But no one is going to be mad if you bring that too.
Sagittarius
If you’ve been avoiding a friend like the plague because they’ve been subtly annoying you for a while now. This might be the weekend to tip-toe back into a relationship. Reach out and send a no-pressure invite to hang with the group. If that person continues to annoy you by pronouncing Barcelona with a “th” sound or some other nonsense, feel free to cut them out of your life and never look back.
Capricorn
Thanks to some help from the planets in your sign, things will be smooth and upbeat AF this weekend. Basically, it’ll be like you’re living in a Bruno Mars song. You’ve got errands to run and coffee to drink. If you have some down time, it might just be a good idea to set the phone down for a minute and meditate or some shit—you know, something to make you feel like you also relaxed this weekend. Oh, and if something comes up that you need to remember, write it down. You’re totally likely to forget by Monday.
Aquarius
As an air sign, you feel most comfortable in your own head. Even though you’re definitely the smartest person you know, some other people might not be on the same page. Don’t get butt hurt when someone tries to challenge your intelligence by disagreeing with your opinion. If the online arguing gets to be too much, throw your phone in the ocean and live off the grid. OK. Maybe don’t do that. Just go for a run or something to clear your head and put things in perspective.
Pisces
Jeremiah wrote the song “Birthday Sex” for a reason. As the Sun is in your sign, a lot of attention is on you. You look hot. You feel happy and in control. I mean, who wouldn’t want to bang that? Make sure your partner knows where you stand before you jump in the sack, though. As the Moon opposes Mercury and Venus in your sign, you’re more likely to send mixed messages. At least give a guy the heads up that you tend to run really hot and cold.
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