If All Else Fails, Blame A Scorpio: Weekly Horoscopes April 23-27

Things look great for all signs at the beginning of the week, but things take a turn as we head toward the weekend. A full moon in Scorpio on Sunday really fucks with your shit Thursday and Friday. I mean, if you’ve ever met a Scorpio, it totally makes sense.


Your ruler Mars in your career zone lining up with Jupiter is giving you a major confidence boost when it comes to your work. You’re on track to achieving a professional goal. Just like, don’t get too confident and wear a crop top to the office when you have a meeting with your boss. It’s sort of hard for people to take you super seriously when they can see your belly button. You know that, right?


You might be a little over-confident this week. Like, yeah, the Sun is in your sign and that brings blessings blah blah blah. BUT the full moon this weekend is directly opposite your sign, and that can make shit totally crazy. It might not be the best week to jump out of a plane or ask the office hottie for drinks or get bangs. Like, enjoy yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Things go so well for you at the beginning of the week, a disagreement with a friend might take you by surprise closer to the weekend. Don’t jump to a million conclusions and shut down your friendship. Maybe Jen didn’t mean to exclude you from the “Bre’s Bachelorette Weekend” Facebook group. A simple oversight could be to blame. Things calm down and get corrected after the full moon on Sunday.


As a sensitive water sign, you’re usually pretty content to keep your feelings to yourself. This week, you’ll feel the urge to just fucking rip into anyone who has ever wronged you. Cheryl from the office who took your coffee cup one time (maybe by accident, maybe not) should really watch her back. You’re not playing games anymore.


It is your mission to get shit done this week. It’s not that you have a long to-do list, particularly, you’re just not waiting around for other people to get on board. The train is leaving the station, Leo. Don’t work yourself too hard, though. With the full moon this weekend, you risk burning yourself out by Friday. I mean, save some energy for weekend booze and brunches.


The beginning of the week holds a lot of passion for you. Whether it’s the bedroom or the boardroom, whomever is joining you should be prepared to be impressed. That zest for, well, basically everything can sort of vanish by the end of the week as we get closer to Sunday’s full moon. When you kick so much ass Monday and Tuesday, it’s sort of expected that you’ll be sleepy by Friday. Sorry not sorry.


As a sign of harmony, when you choose to be assertive, it can take people by surprise. Mars is traveling though your home sector at the beginning of the week, triggering you to voice your opinion on a family matter. Whether it’s telling your sorority sisters what themes you’d like to see for parties next year or telling mom and dad where they should pay for you to vacation, it’s all about letting your opinion be heard this week.


It’s time to step back and look at the bigger picture this week. A link between Mars and Jupiter pushes you to focus on where you’re headed. Is your boyfriend “the one” or just the one who pays for shit right now? Do you have your dream job, or is it just paying the bills? Wait to make drastic changes until next week. The Full Moon in your sign Sunday can really fuck with your head.


Mars in your financial zone connected to lucky Jupiter increases your cash flow this week. It’s a great time to put that furniture you were just going to donate up for sale on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. You know, whichever of those is less likely to get you murdered trying to hock your stuff to strangers. Your trash is someone else’s treasure.


Mars in your sign linked with Jupiter has you feeling optimistic about your future to start the week. Jupiter also boosts confidence in your talents. We caution against getting cocky, though. Having an abnormally high amount of likes on one Instagram photo is not a sign you should quit your job and try your hand at influencing. Delusional is not a good look for you.


Pluto in retrograde thorough the end of September leads you to a lot of self-reflection this week. Sure, you might remember that one time in middle school something super embarrassing happened and now it’s all you can think about. Guess what, sweetheart? Everyone has those stories and no one else really fucking cares about the trauma surrounding the time you got your period on the bus. Try to move past your weird past this week.


As a water sign, you can be pretty fluid when it comes to fitting in with others. Pluto in retrograde through your social sector invites you to take a deeper look at the influence your friends have on your life. Since you’ve recently become acquainted with some pretty important and powerful people, it’s best you take this week to evaluate the role these people play for you. Do you actually like them or are you just using them for invites to things? If so, that’s kind of a shitty thing to do. Sorry, but it’s true.

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