Congrats On Making It Through January; Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes February 2-4

So you survived the Super Blood Full Blue Eclipse Twilight New Moon or whatever the fuck happened midweek week. Also, you made it through the longest month of all goddamn time. Congrats on that too, I guess. This weekend, the Moon in Virgo might make you cry during Super Bowl commercials. IDK, wear waterproof mascara and blame your watery eyes on spicy buffalo wings or salsa or some shit.


You have plans to hang with the group this weekend, but when you get a better invite, you’ll be torn on whether you should flake on your friends. The question really isn’t about what you want to do more; it’s about your friends hating you for bailing. Better spend Friday working on making up a believable excuse.


A Taurus betch isn’t really isn’t an attention whore. In fact, too much attention in a group setting makes you a bit uncomfortable. Too damn bad, betch. Some shit will go down this weekend where all eyes will be on you. Make that spray tan appointment so at least you don’t look pale AF while you’re in the spotlight.


The Moon in Virgo in opposition to Neptune is throwing you totally off balance. It’s kind of like when you’re on the verge of tipsy, but one drink away from where you actually want to be. Things may just seem a little bit off with your life all weekend. We all have weekends where we just feel fucking strange about things, but if that feeling lasts into next week, you might have a bigger issue on your hands.


I don’t know if it’s that time of the month for you (I’m a horoscope writer, not God), but I can tell that you’ve been pretty emotional lately, period or not. Whatever drama you’re going through might become more public than you want it to. Prepare for that shit. Things may get the Kim Kardashian crying type of ugly.


The Moon in Virgo in your money house might inspire you to make a big, insane purchase this weekend. Fortunately, a Moon-Pluto alignment later on this weekend will give you more peace of mind about your financial situation. I mean, you totally deserve to splurge on tickets for that spring break trip. The Instas alone will be worth it.


The Moon in your sign is triggering your emotional side. You’ll be in more of a mood to engage in some self care this weekend. Like, a long, hot bath with an eight dollar bath bomb is calling your name. Taking time for yourself will leave you with emotional clarity to make some big fucking decisions next week.


A romance has been moving along quite swimmingly for you. But, let’s be honest, this isn’t a great time to DTR. Either you end up with a boyfriend with an awkward amount of time before now and Valentine’s Day or you make things weird and you end up alone AF with everyone asking you about what’s-his-face on V-Day. There’s literally no good move here, so don’t rock the boat.


The position of Neptune might blur the lines with your boundaries over the weekend, especially when it comes to your friends. You might agree to do something you’re totally not comfortable with, like karaoke with strangers or going to a new bar in a strange part of town. Good thing you’ll have enough confidence and tact to be able to flake if things get too weird for your liking.


You have strong opinions and your ideas don’t always necessarily go with the grain. Give it a rest this weekend when you’re with your friends, though. No one wants a lecture about how weddings are a scam or how recycling doesn’t actually do that much for the earth, even if you have a really good point. Let your friends drink in peace and save the hard opinions for weekdays, k?


The Moon in Virgo is in your house of higher knowledge. Don’t be surprised if someone you thought you knew really well brings up a point that makes you question your own stance on things this weekend. Don’t get combative. Besides, is it worth ruining your friendship over whether the cabernet is the superior of the reds? Didn’t think so.


This continues to be a really great fucking time for you. The Sun is still in your sign, you’re comfortable with who you are, and you feel like others are receptive to your opinions. Don’t let yourself get caught up in all that success. There’s a reason the majority of America hates the Patriots. Sometimes people just get sick of all that fucking winning.


Your to-do list this weekend is short. That means, you can just chill out and relax to the best of your ability. Hey, you can even enjoy some carbs while other people watch football, if you’re into that sort of thing. Even though this weekend might be chill AF for you, be forewarned that this could be the calm before the storm. You’ve got a birthday right around the corner so you might not have so much free time soon. Spend the time you have wisely before obligations sneak up on you.


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