Betchy
Crocker

By now, you may have heard of all the natural remedies for random shit floating around out there.

Chrissy Teigen, who can do no wrong, walked the red carpet last night and SLAYED in a silver Yanina Couture dress for the Grammys which showed off her oh-so-perf baby bump.

Just when I thought this would be the week that I stopped getting flagged by IT for searching inappropriate content on my work computer during work hours, TMZ dropped a photo this morning of a very pregnant Kylie Jenner.

For as long as literally anyone can remember, there have been claims that apple cider vinegar, the shit I use in my salad dressing, can help you lose weight.

Hair health is for reals.

Ah, the wedding invitation—so much more formal than the save the date, the true harbinger of the nuptial party to come.

I will literally never stop shitting on other people’s weddings.

It’s 2018: a year that promises to deliver on all of our missed hopes, dreams, and opportunities of the last five years, provided our brave leader doesn’t get into a nuclear dick-measuring contest and kill us all.

The title really says it all.

For bros who lack creativity, getting engaged around the holidays is a great idea.

The new year is nearly here—and just in fucking time.

Giving wine for the holidays is the gift that keeps on giving.

2017 was a tough year for a lot of us.

Not only is it Chrismahanakwanza season and gain 15 pounds season, it’s also holiday party season.

We honestly hate helping in any form, but the wedding industry has gotten so out of control that it demands our expertise.

Pulling off a deep red, near black, or dark berry lipstick come winter is easier said than done.

Now that Thanksgiving has passed, we’ve all gained 20 pounds, gone down the dark road that is family time, and are on the darker road to Chrismahanakwazakah, it’s time to round up the absolute best ways to kill time alone because sweatpants is all that fits us right now holiday movies.

So you’re having a winter wedding.

We are all FULLY aware that drinking water is good for us.

Another wedding topic for me to shit on!

There’s nothing you’ll crave quite so much at Thanksgiving as alcohol.

There’s no easy way to say this, so here it goes: Baking and cooking for Thanksgiving sucks ass.

He popped the question, you Insta’ed and Snapped that shit, and now comes the planning, the stress, the different colored napkins, the fucking flowers, the bridesmaids, the food...and of course, the literal most important part of planning: choosing the dress.

Are you a basic bitch getting married soon?

Everytime I go into the wide interwebs, some other beauty blogger is telling me to smear oil or a fancy serum on my face.

If you’ve been HONORED by being asked to act as a bridesmaid for your bestie’s big day, there are some ground rules.

Whether you have a long and shitty commute, don’t know what to do with your time after work, or are just trying to pretend you have friends, you should start listening to podcasts.

Bridal showers are outdated and tacky.

There’s nothing better than laughing at someone else’s misfortune, and this becomes especially true when it comes to weddings.

It’s like, officially Fall today, so bring on the basic betch uniform consisting of NorthFace fleeces, Uggs, too many scarves, leggings, and the ever-present PSL.

Look, we understand that weddings are stressful for everyone involved.

Colder weather brings a lot of shitty things, one of them being dry af skin.

We may as well prepare for the ravages of time incoming colder weather and all the problems it causes—specifically, dry skin, zits, and general dullness.

If you’re getting married or have already put that nail in the coffin tied the knot, you likely had bridesmaids.

When we have issues with mascara, we’re having general issues in life.

We all learned in like, infancy, that carbs are evil incarnate.

Even though the winged eyeliner look may be on its way out (deal with it—it had its moment), that doesn’t mean liquid eyeliner is a thing of the past.

Covering your face with makeup when you’re dealing with a breakout is bittersweet.

Winter is coming, as Game of Thrones likes to remind us, and with it, shitty winter skin.

Unless you’re into Korean beauty treatments, expensive and rare facial oils, or have an old Swedish facialist that follows you around with helpful tips and tricks (where do I find this), you’re likely heading to your neighborhood drugstore for your facial cleansing needs.

Did you have an awesome time over Labor Day?

As we get on into the scary shit that is adulthood, there are certain skills every betch should possess.

Yah, maybe you had a shitty morning.

If you’re currently living in the United States, then you know that people have been collectively losing their shit and jizzing themselves over this fucking eclipse.

Since weddings are our new favorite thing to bitch talk about, we decided that it is finally time to follow up our roasts of wedding themes, favors, and décor with some shade at the very time of day you choose to set the event.

Ugh, kale.

It's wedding season, and we here at Betches have expresse several strong opinions regarding trends in wedding themes, favors, and engagement photos that we believe should, for lack of a better word, die.

Being invited to a wedding is like, usually super fun.

Unfortunately, unless you’re sponsored by a sugar daddy, have won the lottery, or still live in mom’s basement, you’re probably working for a goddamn living.

WOOO WOOO WOOO!