7 Tacky-Ass Things No Winter Wedding Should Ever Have

So you’re having a winter wedding. Pause for a slow cap at how basic you really are and how clearly you stand out from the pack of spring and autumn brides. Well, basic but daring. You’re playing with fire—err, ice—waiting to see if a blizzard hits on your super special day. How do you know ice won’t prevent gramma and grampa from getting on their flight? What if sleet totally ruins your plans for the outdoor hot cocoa table?

Regardless of what nature throws at you, your winter wedding won’t even be worth having if you have or do these unforgivable and overly basic things.

1. A Cape

You aren’t a Disney princess or a princess, period. You’re a bride. Capes belong in children’s movies and odd fantasy films. Get a faux fur wrap and knock it off.

2. Icicle Lights In Any Capacity

This is not your neighbor’s front yard—it’s a goddamn classy wedding. Don’t hang these from the ceiling. Don’t use them with tacky purple uplighting. Don’t even use them to strangle a bridesmaid.

Christmas Lights

3. Ornaments As Decor

No! Unadorned and carefully crafted mini pine trees are okay for some greenery, but adding in shiny ornaments of multiple colors leaves way too much room for interpretation. Chances are, your design likes aren’t going to be the same as your helper’s/wedding planner’s.

4. Fake Snow

Ew! What is this, a ski lodge in Florida? If you happen to be #blessed with real snow on your wedding day, embrace it. Otherwise, don’t try to replicate. It’s tacky, like you.


5. Red Roses

Nope. We’ve told you before that red roses are basic gas station flowers and have no place in your wedding, PERIOD. If it’s red flowers you want, opt for something interesting like cockscomb (LOL) or even tea roses. Just plz don’t go the red rose route.

6. Santa

I shouldn’t even have to explain this one. If your idea of fun is getting the groom’s drunk and v creepy uncle to dress up as Santa and “entertain” the group, you don’t deserve my presence or a gift. Santa belongs in the shopping malls of America and in the imaginations of children younger than 10. Outside that, he becomes v off-putting.

Elf Santa

7. Candy Canes

Unless they’re v tastefully placed in my v alcoholic eggnog, I don’t wanna see any goddamn candy canes hung around. It is way too difficult for the average bride to pull these off without having it look like Candy Land. Go ahead and cross this off your list of decor ideas.