If you’re getting married or have already
put that nail in the coffin tied the knot, you likely had bridesmaids. I had nine. That’s beside the point. Every bride has a unique personality and, therefore, very unique bridesmaids to help out on her special day. Regardless, though, you cannot deny that your bridesmaids or bachelorette attendees fell into these categories. Was Stacy the party animal you lost in Nashville during the bachelorette? Was Lindsey the thirst trap social media stalker who put up WAY too many pictures of you before the rehearsal dinner? Did Jessica just get high and act super chill no matter what you told her to do? Read on to figure out which bridal party archetype you and your besties are.
1. The Social Media Guru
She made a Snapchat filter for your bachelorette, wedding, shower, and everything in between. She has shared no less than five social media posts the day before each large event featuring a picture of herself and the bride with a paragraph about friendship. She almost tripped and fell into an open manhole because she was checking you into a restaurant on FourSquare. She has more pics of your wedding than your photographer.
2. The Control Freak
This could be the bride, but there’s at least one in every group. She made a fucking Google map of your stops on the bachelorette trip. She’s got reservations at at least three restaurants/bars each night in case one doesn’t pan out. She’s got transportation covered. She’s slightly manic but you’re going to be organized, goddamnit. She has sent out no less than three emails covering the event at hand, ensuring everyone has a) paid for their stay, b) has the T-shirts she ordered, and c) knows how to get to the hotel. She had her bridesmaid’s dress the day after she found out about your engagement.
3. The Outsider
Who even is she? You definitely went to school with her or knew her at some point in your life, and, yeah, she’s fun, but she’s clearly is not part of the new dynamic. She clings to the bride, afraid of interacting with the others. She laughs at everyone’s jokes, even though half of them, like, aren’t funny. She’s desperate for attention in a cute way. We still love her.
4. The Party Animal
Once you unleash her, she cannot be tamed. She’s making friends at the bar, on the sidewalk, at the club, in the Uber while telling stories about her house/dog/favorite restaurant/former relationships. She’s the one searching for a strip club (or stripper pole) at 2am or trying to climb on a table at the piano bar to flash strangers. She’s a champ. She’s ordering shots you don’t want and harassing anyone who says they’re tired before 4am. She can shotgun a beer, get lost in a foreign city, find her way back, and be ready for more. She’s an unstoppable—and franky, terrifying—force.
5. The Mom
She’s literally the one holding the bride’s hair back while she’s vomming during the bachelorette (thanks, Beth). She can be counted on to have fun, get drunk, but still be so goddamn responsible that everyone gets home/back to the hotel without dying. She somehow has tissues and/or plastic bags for clean-ups (shit happens) and never really yells or gets upset. She’s just disappointed. But she’s a cool mom.
6. The Literal Mom
She either just got married and/or just had a baby, and clearly that’s the focus. She doesn’t come to any of the events but somehow gets her shit together for the wedding day. She tells you that “it’ll go so fast” and to hold on to special moments while figuring out a breast pump. She was a regular on Tinder and at drunk brunch, but now she’s a stay-at-home-mom who makes color-coded grocery lists and reads about the benefits of raw diets for newborns.
7. The Chill One
No matter what you’ve thrown at her, she rolls with it. You definitely switched the hairstyles for your bridesmaids four times, insisted they buy Miu Miu nude heels, and changed up dresses last minute and she’s cool with it. She’s come to every event, not made a giant deal about it, and … is she high? Yah, she’s just really high.