The title really says it all. Don’t deny that literally every time you’ve given in and gotten weird with your significant other, you’ve wondered if it counts as exercise for the day and if you can skip the gym tomorrow. I’ve looked at my Fitbit during. I’m not even (completely) ashamed to admit that.
Because it’s the holidays and we’re all imbibing more wine, eggnog, and cookies than usual (some of us, not all), having a quick freak session may actually help keep the holiday weight at bay. We’ve done some investigatory journalism (on my phone because I write these on my work computer and I didn’t feel like explaining those Google searches to my boss), and here are the top sex moves for burning calories.
1. Giving And Receiving Oral
According to Spoon University, if you’re hooking up INCLUDING giving and/or receiving oral for about 30 minutes, you’ll burn about 60 calories. I can’t really imagine unhinging my jaw for that long, but if you can do it, bless.
The go-to boring position (but like, great for when you feel fat) burns about 60 calories if you’re at it lightly (like, not breaking a sweat) for about 30 minutes. If you up the ante and things are getting like, hot and heavy, you can burn about 100 calories. How the bottom can burn that many calories while lying down and looking hot is beyond me, but the internet said it was true.
3. Doggy Style
Am I the only one that hates the name of this position? Can we change it to something cute like downward lady or crouching kitty? Idfk. Anyway, this position, since it requires a lot of movement on both parts, can burn about 110 calories for a 40-minute session. That seems a little long to be crouched (my knees hurt just thinking about it), but whatever.
4. Reverse Cowgirl
You’ll burn a solid 110 calories or so if you do this for 35 minutes. Again, that’s subject to how hard you’re going at it, if you’re trying to do ab crunches during, etc. This one is always nice since only your back needs to look good, and you don’t have to worry about making awkward o-faces.
5. Changing It Up
Ok, so, if you have sex for 80 minutes—which like, I don’t have time for (I have things to do)—and change positions often, you can burn like 280 calories. That’s equal to about two glasses of red wine.
The moral of the story? Aim for a 40-minute session and change up positions often. Sticking with one is boring and also won’t burn as many calories as constantly moving around. If you really want to narrow that shit down, use this sex calculator. Technology is amazing, guys.