If you’ve been HONORED by being asked to act as a bridesmaid for your bestie’s big day, there are some ground rules. Etiquette kind of sucks, but better you be in the know about what’s expected of you, rather than show up drunk the day of not having attended or thrown any party, gotten a gift, or sent congratulations cards.
We recently stumbled upon this post from Refinery29 about a sad bride whose wedding party is lame totally dropped the ball and didn’t do jack shit for her leading up to the wedding, which at the time of this sad handwritten tale, was only two weeks away. How can you avoid this happening to you? Whether you’re a bridesmaid or a bride, we came up with some fucking easy rules and guidelines.
1. Tell The People What You Want
This bride could have avoided internet suicide and general sadness if she had just TOLD HER BRIDESMAIDS TO THROW HER SOMETHING. As soon as I chose my bridesmaids, I told them that I wanted a bachelorette party, period. I didn’t give a fuck about a shower (my sisters-in-law threw one anyway; it’s fine), but the bach needed to happen. Lo and behold, it did. So brides, open your mouths and ask if you want something particular. Not everyone has a fifth sense to predict the weather your mood and wedding desires.
2. You Aren’t Required, But You Better Ask
Bridesmaids: No, you aren’t required by wedding law to throw the bride a bachelorette, shower, whatever. HOWEVER, if the bride has asked you to be in the wedding, you should probably at least ASK if she has something in mind or wants something in particular. Don’t just assume that because she’s said nothing, she isn’t interested. Yes, it’s possible, but you don’t want her to end up like the sad bride in our story, unless she’s a bitch and totally deserves it.
3. Don’t Expect A Lot
Brides: This song goes out to you. If you’ve finagled your wedding party into hosting a bachelorette or shower or wtf-ever and you haven’t actually planned it out yourself, lower your expectations. Everyone has a different idea of what would be considered fun for a bachelorette, so if you’re expecting an acid trip in Vegas and get a quiet brunch at the nearby café, don’t freak out. Unless you are VERY specific with your maids and/or family members, you need to chill tf out.
4. Gifts Are Necessary
Bridesmaids (and guests for that matter), need to bring a goddamn gift to SOMETHING. Period. Whether they bring it to the shower or the bachelorette or the wedding itself, you need to bring a gift. Stop being a cheap ass.
5. Try Not To Be A Bitch
Alright, so this one applies all around. Brides, don’t expect everyone to bend over backwards for you from the time you get engaged to the time you have that contrived sparkler sendoff into a lifetime of holy matrimony. People live far, have small budgets (sad), and have things to worry about other than you—like their doggos. Believe it or not, you are not the first person to ever get married (WHAT), so stop acting like it.
Bridesmaids, if your bestie’s big day is coming up and you’ve been chosen to be part of the crew, don’t argue about the dresses. Don’t argue about the destination. Don’t whine about wedding colors. Shut up and do what the bride says, within reason.
