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Okay, so it's been brought to my attention that for some godforsaken reason, Scott Disick doesn't have a Wikipedia page.

Happy National Masturbation Month, betches!

Almost 10 years ago, I was watching some of the trashiest television imaginable when my mom walked by and said to me, "Did this teenager just compare herself going to jail with Buddha sitting under the tree?

Last week, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced the name of their firstborn son: Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.

So we're all in agreement these days that we would rather binge watch shows and act like the characters are our real-life friends rather than engaging with society, right?

People who are way too vocal about how a TV show or movie is nothing like the novels they’re based on are the absolute woooooooorst.

Okay, story time: I used to work as a front desk girl for a popular “boutique” spinning studio.

As most people do, I have a love-hate relationship with Coachella.

So the talk of the town for the past, like, year is that the final season of Game of Thrones is coming up.

Every family is dysfunctional, and if you think your family doesn't have any issues, you might be the one causing them.

It's been weeks since news of the celebrity college admissions scandal broke, and it's still one of the biggest stories in the news.

It's 2019, and you would think we would have made so much progress by now, but instead, it's the era where shameless idiots reign supreme.

It's about time the Kardashian's dropped the trailer for their 2854893758937th season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians because it's been a whole...7 seconds since the season finale?

I’m a person who’s followed celebrity news since I was a kid (like, I had subscriptions to Us Weekly and PEOPLE in fourth grade), and even I did not anticipate the celebrity college admissions scandal blowing up like it has.

So Schitt's Creek is ending because the universe is out to get me.

While my editor is taking a nap from covering the tidal wave of Kardashian Kontent that won't seem to end, I'm taking the liberty to address the latest earth shattering news from the Klan: Kourtney Kardashian FINALLY has a REAL JOB.

Well, well, well, it looks like Jordyn Woods went from being called the "unidentified friend" in tabloid captions to being a household name overnight.

As we all know by now, this week has been a pretty crazy time in the Kardashian-verse.

Between the drink throwing, the cheating, and the verbal lashings these people dish out and take each week, the Vanderpump Rules cast has turned reality television into an art form.

When Kristen Doute's nose isn't deep in a mountain of Raquel's pasta, it's deeper in other people's business.

As you all know, one of the main plot lines of this season of Vanderpump Rules is that James Kennedy got fired from SUR, meaning his See You Next Tuesday gig was taken away from him.

When I was growing up, my parents were pretty laissez-faire about raising my sisters and me.

Every teenage girl has their petty moment where they unfollow someone on social media.

People always accuse Kourtney Kardashian of being the most boring Kardashian, largely because she doesn't seem to have the most hectic work schedule compared to the rest of her family (or most contributing members of society).

Okay, so Kristen Doute was the token crazy chick on Vanderpump Rules for the first couple of seasons.

How did YOU spend your Christmas Eve?

2018 has been such a salacious sh*tshow that nothing shocks me anymore.

If you told me 10 years ago that the Kardashians would be one of the most fashion-forward families out there, I wouldn't have believed you.

If you took a sip of a PUMP-TI-NI every time someone lied on Vanderpump Rules, you'd be drunker than James Kennedy while he's doing a DJ set.

Ever since your dad said to you, "Hey sweetie, maybe instead of leaving out milk and cookies for Santa and leave him Cheeto's and beer instead" and it suddenly dawned on you that the whole Santa thing doesn't add up, Christmas became less and less exciting.

Every parent has a favorite kid, and science literally proved that it's usually the youngest child.

I’m a writer living in New York City, so obviously I’m obsessed with therapy.

Every year, people say "this is the year of devastating celebrity breakups!" Look, we're all really sad that Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum didn't work out, but 2018 was surprisingly a year of toxic couples staying together (???).

Any hot betch knows that having perfect hair is crucial.

I don’t know about you, but I love trashy weddings.

On a scale of 1 to Jennifer Aniston’s nipples in every episode of Friends, how excited are you for season 7 of Vanderpump Rules?

They say “It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” and here at Betches, we love making it awkward.

In a summer full of absurd engagements by mismatched couples who definitely should not be vowing to spend the rest of their lives together, it’s refreshing to see that one mismatched couple has seen the light has called it quits.

Between that tiny sunglasses trend to *insert laundry list of Trump’s antics here* to these poorly thought-out celebrity engagements, being f*cking stupid seems to be very en vogue this 2018.

August 5th is the 15th anniversary of the most important television show of all time: The O.C. The show premiered 15 years ago, so f*ck, we're old.

The Kardashians are known for chewing up and spitting out men as often as you do with those SugarBearHaircare vitamins the sisters swear by.