It’s about time the Kardashian’s dropped the trailer for their 2854893758937th season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians because it’s been a whole…7 seconds since the season finale? The Keeping Up With The Kardashians season 16 trailer has the same quality as the home movies my friends and I would make in the 4th grade, like Jackass Juniors or remakes of All That skits. Thanks, E! for letting a 19-year-old Tisch student have one shot at putting his worthless degree to use before relegating to a life of slinging lattes. Anyway, here’s the trailer.
— Kardashians on E! (@KUWTK) March 27, 2019
First of all, E!, STOP CLAPPING IN MY FACE.
Second of all, literally WAIT what? The trailer pretty much centers on the Tristan-Jordyn-Khloé fallout, which only happened, like, two seconds. I know this because literally half the staff at Betches is having ‘nam flashbacks of keeping tabs on the scandal and writing about it 25 hours, 8 days a week. Spliced in between montages of Kanye’s Sunday Service, we see Khloé crying, saying, “It just sucks it has to be so public. I’m not just a TV show, this is my life.” Same, girl. Same. She also screams on speakerphone to someone, “MY. FAMILY. WAS. RUINED!” Okay, yeah, she’s definitely talking about Jordyn and Tristan hooking up. Calling it right now, “MY FAMILY WAS RUINED” is going to be the new “Are you texting bitches, yes or no?”
This is immediately followed by a clip of Kris Jenner leading a toast, saying, “here’s to Jordyn and Kylie!” LOL, savage. The shade! I would say the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner has established herself as the devil incarnate at this point.
But if I were a betting man, I would say they’re actually going to drop the episodes about Jordyn and Tristan around the time Meghan Markle gives birth so that they can take the spotlight away from her. That, or Khloé is going to come forward and say that Tristan got her pregnant right before they broke up and she’s just finding out. You might call me crazy now, but stranger things have happened, like Kris Humphries being literate or, ya know, Jordyn losing her meal ticket by hooking up with Tristan.
Anyway, the trailer mostly consists of Khloé having meltdowns or quoting phrases that you see on inspirational throw pillows (or her Instagram story). We obviously saw that coming. But the 15% of the trailer that wasn’t surrounding Khloé wasn’t too interesting. The fake plotline that Kim is considering moving to Chicago with Kanye? Yeah, not willing to tune in for that. Kendall whining about something that probably isn’t a big deal? Gives me flashbacks to her “woe-is-me” Proactiv commercial. And I don’t even know what was up with Kylie and what she was babbling about. She could be serving up so many good clips in this trailer and she’s not—she could not be less emotional about her best friend hooking up with her sister’s baby daddy. I don’t even think Kylie is having troubling with emoting because of all the Botox she’s gotten, I think she legit doesn’t care about anyone beyond herself. I mean, come on, reliable sources are saying she’s probably going to take Jordyn back.
Anyway, I’m totally looking forward to this sh*tshow of a season. Or, more accurately, I look forward to watching it by means of scrolling through the DashTube or DashUniverse Instagram feeds when I’m bored.