Betches
Staff

Dear Betch, Hi!

I think I speak for every single person on this Earth when I say that we had all been waiting with baited breath for the Kardashians to drop their final installment of their Christmas card.

Have you emerged from your Christmas food coma yet?

On this week's episode of Vanderpump Rules, we saw the return of our favorite professional sugar baby, Lala Kent.

All right, everyone.

The Bachelor doesn't premiere for another two weeks or so (yes, I could do the math but no, I won't because I'm too lazy), but the speculation train is just getting started since ABC released the cast of Instagram models ladies vying for Arie's love.

All right, you degenerates, we’ve made it to another Vanderpump Rules.

The list of official contestants competing on Arie's season of The Bachelor was released last week, and it was a lot to process.

Will Ferrell during this entire movie = me.

Another day, another breadcrumb in the Kardashian pregnancy conspiracy theory thread.

It's been a long, wild ride on the Kardashian Pregnancy Rumor Roller Coaster Extraordinaire, also known as the Kris Jenner 4000.

Parks and Rec is one of the greatest shows of all time, and if you don't agree, you can fight me—in the comments section or literally, whichever you prefer.

Gather 'round now, children, and listen to my latest Kardashian theory.

Last night, in the midst of the Jax cheating on Brittany drama, something equally scandalous happened: a very strange commercial starring Tom Sandoval, James, Scheana, and Kristen and the cast of Pitch Perfect 3. The commercial was called "The 12 Days Of Pitchmas," and it was a hot mess.

Another Monday, another episode of Vanderpump Rules.

It’s here.

One of the good things about Instagram (or the bad, depending on how you look at it) is the advent of doing things for the ‘Gram.

The holidays are coming up, and for most of us that means a significant amount of downtime where we have like, nothing to do.

Because Kim Kardashian doesn't have enough wealth or business ventures, she's adding another project to her resume, and it's a new reality show.

Say what you want about Taylor Swift (which, believe me, I will), but we can all agree the girl is a gifted songwriter.

Welcome friends, lovers, foes, and all trash-loving monsters, to the season 6 premiere of Vanderpump Rules.

Hear ye, hear ye.

As I was finding corresponding gifs for the ranking of the Victoria’s Secret Angels, I came to the stark realization that all these women look the fucking same.

It's Black Friday, and whether you're at work, lounging in your pajamas and scouring the internet, or braving the stores like a psychopath, there's one thing on everyone's mind: shopping.

I'll just come out and say it: At this point, the Kardashians need to just fucking confirm their pregnancies already.

In the dumpster fire that is 2017, finally we have some good news.

It’s every sane person’s least favorite time of year: winter.

2017 has been a trip, y'all.

Grab onto your hats, because I'm about to blow your mind: Kylie Jenner reportedly threw a baby shower over the weekend.

What would my life be like if I wasn't writing about some Kardashian non-news item every three days?

Another day, another Kylie Jenner pregnancy conspiracy theory *tips hat*.

As young betches, after we realized boys don't really have cooties, but before we realized that they're actually all just fuckboys who will ruin our lives, we enjoyed fantasizing about being whisked away by a certain type of bro.

I only started following Lala Kent on Instagram yesterday, and boy, what a payoff.

So I know this response piece is about 13 years too late (God, we are old), but the internet wasn't really big then and I've just finished watching Friends the second time through and I just have a lot of feelings.

It's not enough for Lala Kent to be returning to Vanderpump Rules; this bitch has been out here thirsting for publicity like it's nobody's business.

Everybody, gather round for my biggest journalistic accomplishment to date.

All right, fam, confession time: I was never a fan of Selena Gomez and The Weeknd.

Vanderpump Rules fans, the wait is over.

I was having a great Friday, reading about DeMario desperately clinging to shreds of relevance publicly dragging Chris Harrison, until some new Bachelor news popped up.

Vanderpump Rules season 6 is upon us, and it had better be lit.

Well, friends, I hate to say I told you so, but it is possible that I fucking told you so.

On Monday, I basically broke the internet (slight exaggeration) with reports that Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright broke up.

Vanderpump Rules fans, the day we've been waiting for for years has finally arrived.

I'll be totally honest that I don't exactly Keep Up with the Kardashians, but like, I hate-stalk Kylie with every fiber of my being, so that's got to count for something.

Shocking news alert: Scheana Shay and Rob Valletta have broken up after a little over seven months of dating, if my calculations are correct.

Even though Arie Luyaldkjareiowa Jr.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons I've been around the block on this website a few times, and I've noticed that if there are two things you bitches love, it's horoscopes and Law & Order: SVU.

When it comes to Friends, I was definitely a late bloomer.

As technology has advanced, so too has dating.

One of the worst parts of being an adult—aside from taxes, health insurance, and being expected to treat people with mutual respect (or so I am gently reminded from time to time)—is having to put on pants.