The list of official contestants competing on Arie’s season of The Bachelor was released last week, and it was a lot to process. But after wading through the sea of Laurens, a few contestants stuck out in my mind. One was Bekah M. I mean, there was just so much about her. The pixie cut. The fact that she tried to hide her age and thought nobody would notice. I mean, that’s basically it. But armed with an unconventional name spelling and the search function on Instagram, I was determined to investigate and see what I could find out about this girl. So after an amount of stalking that I don’t feel comfortable publicly admitting, here’s what I found out about Bekah M.
1. That Cast Picture Really Doesn’t Do Her Justice
First I just have to say that Bekah’s Bachelor promo photo really does not do her justice. Like, you look at her ABC headshot and you think she’s a baby-faced soccer mom. And then you look at her Instagram and you realize damn, this girl’s already a full-blown Instagram model with extremely delicate features who can pull off any hair color or cut. No, I’m not the least bit jealous. What gave you that idea? Honestly, Bekah should sue ABC for that other picture.
2. She Has 4 Siblings
Do I feel kind of gross and ashamed of myself for stalking this girl back into September of 2016? I will plead the fifth. But we know that, if I can do math (which is debatable), Bekah has four siblings, one of whom is this guy, Joel.
3. She Takes Inspiration From Bella Thorne
Bekah took a picture and captioned it, “mama long legs,” which immediately made me think of Bella Thorne’s “Mommi long legs” Instagram. Is it sad and shameful that I was immediately able to recall one of Bella Thorne’s random Instagrams from over a month ago? Um, you tell me. Actually, after cross-checking the dates of both Instagrams, it may be more accurate to say that Bekah inspired Bella Thorne’s caption, because Bekah’s picture was taken in May and Bella’s in October. Or could I just say that
thirst traps great minds think alike and it’s not that far-reaching to think two women would make a daddy long legs pun when showing off their legs? No. Just let me have this.
4. She’s Latina
IDK, I thought that was worth mentioning and pretty cool considering we have four fucking Laurens this season. #Diversity
5. There’s A Good Chance She’s 22
Yes, you could have found this out by checking Reality Steve, but that’s no fun, is it? So this is where I really dove deep into the corners of the internet. I found this post, where Bekah says her birthday is February 10th. Y’all really shouldn’t put anything on the internet because of people like me.
Okay, y’all. Bekah is an Aquarius who’s born on February 10th, AND a Gemini moon sign. One quick Google search reveals that your moon sign is a calculation of the exact date and time of your birth. Holy fucking shit, I am way too excited by this. So I did a little bit of back-checking aka confirmation bias and plugged in February 10th, 1995 into a moon sign calculator, and voilà: the moon was in Gemini on that day. Taking it further, I plugged in February 10th of a few alternate years to make sure that the moon isn’t just always in Gemini on February 10th. On February 10th, 1994, the moon was in Aquarius. In 1993, Libra; in ’92, Taurus; in ’91, Sagittarius; in ’90, Leo; any further back than that and you’re getting too old for Arie. So Bekah was probably born in 1995 and is most likely 22, which would explain why she didn’t put her age on ABC.com.
Then I took it another step further aka I plugged in “Bekah Martinez Fresno ” into Google and I found… a possible match, who was also born in 1995. Somebody call Nev and Max, because I think I need to take my journalistic pursuits to Catfish.
Update: Also apparently there’s this post where she hashtags #21 and it was made on February 10, 2016. But I stand by my methodology.
So to recap: Regardless of how long she lasts on The Bachelor, Bekah is an experienced, albeit very young, Instagram model who is well-equipped for her future FitTea sponsorship. Bekah, if you’re reading this, I look forward to watching your “journey”. Now if you need me, I need to go clear my browser history.