It’s every sane person’s least favorite time of year: winter. It’s cold out, it’s light outside for maybe 30 minutes max, and everything about the next few months is geared towards people in relationships. Not gonna lie, I would probably find myself in the camp of people getting in relationships just to make it through the holidays, but unfortunately I can’t even get a text back, so. Not happening. 2018 will be my year for sure.
But being single during cuffing season doesn’t have to suck. You don’t need to spend the entire winter season curled up in a fetal position on your couch, demolishing pints of ice cream while IG stalking your high school ex, asking yourself if you’re even worthy of love. Oh, I’m the only one who’s ever done that? Okay. Well. Here’s how to survive cuffing season when you’re single af.
Drink Like, A Lot Responsibly
There’s no way around it: You’re gonna need a lot of alcohol to make it through this time of year. Luckily for you, there are so many awesome cold-weather alcoholic options to keep you warm, both figuratively and literally. Like, show me someone who drinks mulled wine or hot toddies in the summer, and I’ll show you a psychopath. But during the winter it’s all available, and it’s all delicious. Time to replace your literal blanket with an alcohol blanket.
Get Out Of Your Apartment
Or house, or clay hut—whatever your dwelling may be. Whatever it is, get out of it. It’s tempting to cocoon on your couch, but doing that will only make you sad, lonely, and possibly fat. You have friends, yes? Text them. Go out. Get drunk (see above). Go to brunch. Fuck it, even sitting on your friend’s couch looking at memes is better than doing it by yourself at home. (I would know, I do this literally all the time with my friends.) Just don’t sit at home and wallow in your Seasonal Affect Disorder.
Get A Gravity Blanket
Sometimes all the alcohol in the world doesn’t make up for the fact that you don’t have a bae. Like, maybe you put on your cutest heels, did a banging smokey eye, got a fucking blow-out, and went out, only to get exactly zero attention from a single member of the male species, because your friends dragged you to the preppiest bar in the city and you hate dude-bros. (Speaking hypothetically.) And now you’re Ubering home and you’re kind of drunk and in your feelings and considering asking your Uber driver what’s wrong with you that you couldn’t find a man even when you brushed your hair for once, and you’re five minutes away from texting your ex to come over. DON’T do any of that. Buy a Gravity Blanket instead. Gravity Blankets are weighted blankets that basically feel like someone is hugging you when you use them. In addition to alleviating your crippling loneliness, they can also help with sleep issues and relieve stress. Gravity Blankets can also act as a stand-in bae, although that’s not what they were initially made for (I am told). I’m telling you, your dignity will thank me when you wake up wrapped in an awesome weighted blanket and not next to that fuckboy from Hinge who ghosted you six months ago.
We have many long, cold months ahead, so get your Gravity Blanket, get your favorite drink, and get ready.