Lisa
Vanderbetch

I’m just gonna come out and say it.

Well folks, it’s officially that time.

Somehow, some way it’s already almost time for The Bachelor to start again.

Can we all just have a moment of silence for that time a couple months ago when Taylor Swift had disappeared from our lives? *Pause* Okay cool.

As a living, breathing human being, I’m naturally fucking pissed Arie Lsdfgjsafdmn Jr.

For the past few years, all of us RHOC fans have watched Shannon Beador try literally fucking everything to make it work with her fuckboy of a husband, David.

A couple weeks ago, we broke the earth shattering news that Vicki Gunvalson, the OG from the OC, was reportedly getting fired from Real Housewives of Orange County because 1) she's not friends with anyone on the show anymore, and it’s weird just watching her be alone in her kitchen, and 2) she pitched a fit about not sitting next to Andy at a WWHL taping, and the peeps at Bravo weren’t fucking having it.

Later this week—so like, tomorrow—Andy Cohen is heading out to OC to film the reunion for Real Housewives of Orange County.

It’s no secret that we love to hate on Bravo.

Last year on Vanderpump Rules, whether or not Lala was banging a married dude was one of the main sources of drama.

If you were a child in 90s, hell if you were ever a child at all, you were fucking obsessed with Disney princesses.

If you’re anything like me, you watch every franchise of Real Housewives, no questions asked.

A few weeks ago, we broke that Southern Charm’s Craig and Naomie were dunzo and it got us thinking: What the fuck is going to happen to our fave shit show other than Vanderpump Rules?

Our world is crawling with fuckboys.

Last week, Andy Cohen and his band of minions Bravo co-workers released a v underwhelming “preview” of the upcoming season of Vanderpump Rules.

Last night marked the beginning of the end, the premiere of the last season of Scandal.

Ahhh… sorority rush.

As much as I love it, there were a lot of things that were annoying af about Real Housewives of New York this season.

Did you know we have a podcast dedicated to all things The Bachelor?

If you’re like me aka betchy af you probs believe to your core that Sundays are for boozy brunching, bitching about the weekend being over, and doing absolutely nothing else.

Maybe one Monday I’ll wake up and Google Vanderpump Rules like I always do and there will be absolutely nothing new to report, but today is not that day.

It’s officially September which means all the basic fall shit is upon us.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media.

Tbh, I’ve never understood the whole mermaid obsession.

Last season of Vanderpump Rules, somewhere in between Katie telling Tom Schwartz his dick didn’t work and them making the worst decision of their lives actually getting married, queen Lisa popped her own question: would the two Toms be interested in opening a restaurant with her?

Now that ABC is almost finished exploiting the shit out of the Corinne and Demario scandal and Bachelor in Paradise itself is as boring as that time my bf made me watch baseball, the only thing people really have to talk about regarding our fave show is who tf the next Bachelor is going to be.

Among a lot of other shitty things, 2017 is officially the year of clusterfuck festivals.

Well folks, we made it.

Everyone knows a true betch’s summer go-to beverage is a nice tall glass (or bottle, whatever) of rosé.

There are a lot of shocking things in this world.

Another week, another shit storm happening with the cast of Vanderpump Rules.

It never ceases to amaze me how fucked up people are when it comes to sex.

On Monday night, television officially took a turn for the worse, and no, I’m not talking about the Men Tell All.

Earlier this summer, we broke the news that there’s a serious social divide between the cast of Vanderpump Rules.

It’s no secret that betches live for LaCroix.

Last night was a big night on Bravo.

Last week, we broke your innocent little hearts when we told you Katie and Schwartzy were probs having marital problems due to scientific evidence we collected social media stalking we conducted.

Don't you just love it when scientific studies work out in your favor and reaffirm your destructive lifestyle choices?

If you’re over the age of 25, June means one of two things: either a) everyone you know and their fucking brother is getting married or b) you’re getting married.

I feel like scientific studies regarding food can really go either way.

Around this time every year, I hit a no Vanderpump Rules depression.

At this point you’re probs well aware that Father’s Day is this weekend.

Last week, Andy Cohen and his band of minions other Bravo execs dropped the trailer for the new season of Real Housewives of Orange County, and, per usual, it looks fucking batshit and therefore amaze.

If there are two things that betches love in this world, it’s being lazy AF and drinking wine.

By now, you’re all well aware that we’re in the middle of wedding season.

Unless you’ve been living under a pop culture-less rock for the past three weeks, you’ve been watching The Bachelorette and you know by now that Rachel Lindsay is hands-down the betchiest Bachelorette of all time.

Last week was a sad week on Bravo because it was the last episode of RHOBH.

Mazel Tov!

When you’re in college, spring is a time for puking in Mexico and pulling all-nighters to make up for months of not going to class.

Early 2000s MTV was television at its finest.