It’s officially September which means all the basic fall shit is upon us. And sure, it’s not technically fall until the 20th but tell that to Starbucks and this perfect weather. It’s fucking fall. And while there’s plenty of basic autumn, pumpkin-themed shit to go around, there’s nothing on this earth more basic than all the fall weddings you’re about to being going to. The colors, the brides themselves, the fucking leaves everywhere. It never ends. So to get you ready for fall wedding season, we’re telling you what each fall wedding trend says about you (or your friends so you can judge the shit out of their basic af wedding).
1. S’more Station
If you’re a s’more bride, you’re a pretty standard betch. You’re not overly cool but not too extra. In fact, you probably find yourself in the middle of the pack a lot. Not the prettiest of your squad, but not the DUFF either. Not the most successful person at work, but not a total loser. You’re exceptionally average at everything. After you’re married a few years, you’ll move to the suburbs and start popping out kids. Lucky for you, being the middle friend usually means you’re everyone’s favorite so you’ll still be able to have somewhat of a social life.
Oh look. The hipster bride. You know we had to fit you in here somewhere. You probably chose the fall to get hitched because of the warm aura of the colors and the good energy it will give your marriage. You quickly realized that despite the good vibes, fall brings a lot of basic options, which your fellow hipster friends would turn their beanie’d heads at. Enter sunflowers. They’re an autumn-y color but people don’t automatically think fall because sun equals summer. Fucking duh. When you’re not busy brewing your own kombucha, you work for a nonprofit and will eventually have one kid and name it something stupid and they get made fun of at school. Way to go.
3. Caramel Apples
If this is you, you’re weird af. Sorry. Someone had to tell you. Like the hipster bride, you’re trying hard not to be basic, but instead of pretty sunflowers, you picked something bizarre that no one likes. Eat a messy, sticky apple on a stick while trying to go home with the best man keep your lipstick and full face of contour intact? No fucking thanks. Once you get back from your honeymoon hiking the Grand Canyon, you’ll buy a tiny house and compost and other weird shit.
4. Pompoms From Your Alma Mater
Back in the day, you were def the BSCB of your group. Tbh, everyone at your wedding is surprised you’re getting married at all because in college the idea of one dick for the rest of your life would have sent you into depression-induced coma. You decided on pompoms because it’s your last-ditch effort to hold on to your happier, drunker college days. Same tho. You have a career in sales now because you can still get wasted all the time and make a lot of money. You and your husband are total bros and in a few years will be all your middle-aged friends’ favorite couple to host Bunco because they always get shitty when they’re at your place.
5. Pumpkin Spice Latte Bar
You’re as basic of a betch as they come. In college you were the pledge educator and loved taking care of your sorority babies and wearing all your Greek gear around campus. Every year, you post the exact same Instagram about your first PSL of the year, so it’s no surprise that when you decided on fall to get married that a pumpkin spice latte bar was a must. In your adult life, you’re a teacher or something else nice and innocent but not for long because you’re probs getting knocked up within a year of your wedding day and will be a stay-at-home mom.
6. Long-Sleeved Gown
If the only slightly fall-ish thing you do at your wedding is wear a weather-appropriate dress then you’re one of the few classic and sophisticated fall brides, a real rare find. In fact, you’re probably getting married in the fall because it made sense based on when you got engaged, not because you’re weirdly obsessed with the season. In college, you found yourself somewhere in the middle, not a total nice girl but not a BSCB either. Once you graduated, you got a good job, like a marketing exec or lawyer, and probs met your future spouse at a bar during office happy hour. You’ll wait a while to have kids because you don’t want to give up your lifestyle, but don’t worry. You won’t. By the time that comes, you’ll be able to afford at least two nannies.