We're Calling Bullshit On People Who Say They Love Small Engagement Rings

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. One the one hand, I can post pictures from 2013 spring break where I was 10 pounds smaller and five shades tanner and everyone thinks that’s what I still look like. But on the other hand, it gives people who suck a forum to tell the world their sucky opinions when, for the most part, no one gives a fuck. Case in point, when this Australian girl tweeted a pic of the world’s tiniest engagement ring with the caption “Imagine finally being proposed to & this is the ring youre** given” and the Twitter-verse lost their goddamn minds saying how terrible she was. Like, fucking chill.

**Please note the lack of apostrophe isn’t because I’m stupid. It’s because the girl who tweeted this out is and I’m quoting her.

For the most part, everyone who doesn’t have a life felt strongly enough about this to reply told their own stories about how they got proposed to with a shitty ring, or in some cases, no ring at all and have never been happier because it’s about their love for each other, not the size of the diamond and blah blah blah.

Fucking yawn. I mean, I get it. If you get a microscopic ring and that’s enough to make you not wanna marry a person, you shouldn’t be getting married in the first place. BUT… I’m calling bullshit on anyone who says they wouldn’t be a little disappointed.

Sure Jan

Are you trying to tell me none of these people posting their fugly little rings never had a secret wedding Pinterest board that’s filled with 4- or 5-carat cushion-cut sparklers? And instead they’ve been dreaming of the day they tied themselves to one dick the rest of their lives with a diamond so small you need a microscope to see it? Lol, yeah fucking right. Like, you can say “size doesn’t matter” all you want, but that doesn’t mean anybody actively wants to fuck a guy with a micropenis.

I’m sorry, but I have not waited my whole life to get proposed to with a ring that looks like it came in a plastic bubble out of a vending machine for 25 cents. And there’s no way you have either. Give up the holier-than-thou act. We see you and your phony af “I love my tiny-ass diamond” tweets. Nice try, contrarians of the internet. You are dismissed for today.