Can we all just have a moment of silence for that time a couple months ago when Taylor Swift had disappeared from our lives? *Pause* Okay cool. Thx. Well those days are gone, and now, she’s everywhere again. Just add it to the list of reasons why 2017 will forever be on my shit list. Sure, some of the songs on Reputation are legit bangers, but like, all of the annoying, petty, “I’m the victim, exclude me from the narrative I fucking created” bullshit can go. And while I could literally reel off things about TSwift that piss me off for like, idk hours, one of the worst is her girl squad of frenemies that she tries to promote as “empowering women” but is actually just a super cliquey group of famous, rich, models/actresses/musicians. Sorry. Someone had to say it. But because who can even keep track of all these regulation hotties, we’re doing it for you. Here’s a break breakdown of who these betches are, how they met, notable BFF moments, and why they probs actually hate Taylor as much as we do.
1. Karlie Kloss
How’d They Meet: In the most annoying way possible—Taylor said in a Vogue article that she loved Karlie Kloss and “wanted to bake cookies with her.” Then Karlie tweeted her asking, “Your kitchen or mine?”, and then they became friends. So essentially Karlie slid into Taylor’s DMs. Celebs—they’re just like us!
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: VS Fashion Shows, eating at vegetarian restaurants, 4th of July, California road trip, “Bad Blood” video
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: They are both super fucking tall, super fucking skinny, and super fucking awkward. There can only be one.
2. Selena Gomez
How’d They Meet: Just to paint a picture, I’m actually LOLing as I type this. They met when they were both dating 2/3 of the Jonas Brothers in 2008. For a time reference, I do believe that was when they still wore purity rings.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: Award shows, being “normal,” surprise performances at each other’s shows, “Bad Blood” video
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: It’s no secret T isn’t a huge fan of the Biebs. And like, I don’t blame her here. He’s the fuckboy her BFF is on again and off again with. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism. Now that Bieber and Selena are “reportedly” hooking up again, TSwift is being weird about it, and Selena is def not having it.
3. Gigi Hadid
How’d They Meet: Another friend, another bizarre meet-cute. Taylor Swift photobombed a pic of Karlie Kloss and Gigi Hadid at, wait for it, Harvey Weinstein’s Oscars party. Yeah, like the Hollywood sexual predator Harvey Weinstein. Damn, that reference did not stand the test of time.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: VS Fashion Shows, surprise concert appearances, VMAs, watching TV
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: Like most things dealing with Taylor Swift, it has to do with boy drama. We all know Taylor dated Harry Styles and Gigi dates Zayn, and even though Z left One Direction a long time ago, T still feel likes things are a little too close for comfort. There’s also tension because T’s other BFF Selena started dating The Weeknd approximately 1.25 seconds after Gigi’s sister, Bella, and him broke up. To quote Kristin Cavallari, drama, drama, dramaaaa.
4. Kendall Jenner
Profession: Model/Member of the Kardashian-Jenner crew
How’d They Meet: I spent as much time looking for this as I could without getting fired. I’m sure it has something to do with both of them literally only hanging out with models.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: VS Fashion shows, award shows, surprise concert appearances
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: Well this is fucking easy. Because of the whole Kimye-TSwift feud. Obvi. Oh, and they both dated Harry Styles.
5. Katy Perry
How’d They Meet: The first time these two were spotted together was at the 2008 VMAs with Miley Cyrus. I really hope someone somewhere put that pic in a time capsule.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: Award shows, Twitter shout-outs, surprise concert appearances
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: No “probs” needed here. These two fucking despise each other. It started because one of them stole the other one’s backup dancers, which apparently, is the pop star equivalent of murdering someone’s dog, because neither one has ever let it go.
6. Blake Lively
How’d They Meet: Similar to the Taylor and Karlie story, Blake and Tay became friends online. Like Blake tweeted that she liked Taylor, and then they magically started hanging out. You can’t make this shit up.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: 4th of July, hanging with kangaroos in Australia
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: I bet one time Ryan Reynolds looked at her longingly, and it made Taylor fall in love. But he was actually looking past her at Blake. So now Taylor is sad. She’s gonna write a song about it.
7. Lena Dunham
How’d They Meet: I can’t believe I’m writing this again. But Twitter. Yes, Taylor Swift made another friend on Twitter. Lena tweeted that she likes Taylor’s album, and therefore, Taylor recruited her to be friends. Tale as old as time.
Notable #GirlSquad Moments: Surprise concert appearances, “Bad Blood” video
Why They Probs Actually Hate Each Other: Lena probs resents being the DUFF of the group.