Starbucks Made A Mermaid Frappuccino, And It's A No From us

Tbh, I’ve never understood the whole mermaid obsession. Like, I get it if you’re a 5-year-old who just went to Disney World for the first time. But a bunch of post-grad betches running around with mermaid crowns and blue-ish green colored toast? Ya look stupid. And why male models mermaids? Is it because of The Little Mermaid? Because that’s a cool movie and all, but Ariel also got married when she was 16 to a dude who just liked her because she was naked upon arrival and didn’t speak. No fucking thanks. But regardless of my disdain for the extra af mermaid freaks, Starbucks is giving in and creating a mermaid Frappuccino. And all the basic bitches go wild.


In terms of what the new frap looks like, it’s a pale green color with light blue whipped cream and big-ass purple sprinkles, and most importantly, it’s v Instagram-able. Personally, I like this look more than the unicorn frap because that shit just looks like Lisa Frank threw up in a glass. The mermaid option is more subtle. The taste, however, is questionable at best. It’s the standard cream base with melon and “magical flavor of the sea.” Okay. Let’s start with cream base and melon… Ew. Who tf wants that? Can’t we just do like, mint chocolate chip or something? And don’t even get me started on this “magical flavor of the sea” business. I’m gonna need a fucking ingredient list on that, Starbucks. Is it fishy or salty? Either way I’m gonna have to pass on that. Thanks tho…

No From Me

For all of you who have always dreamed a of a sea-flavored frap or just care that much about basic beverage posts on their ‘Gram, bad news. It’s only available in Mexico, which seems random to me, but fine. It has something to do with the ingredients not being in the US which makes literally no sense since both melons and oceans are available here. But it also makes me wonder what kinds of drugs they’re putting in it… hmm, maybe I should stop hating on this drink. No word yet on if the mermaid Frappuccino will ever make its way stateside, but look at the bright side: now you have an excuse for a Mexican vacay.