Last week, Andy Cohen and his
band of minions Bravo co-workers released a v underwhelming “preview” of the upcoming season of Vanderpump Rules. I put “preview” in quotes because idk if one could even call it that because it’s pretty much just the cast sipping cocktails and doing absolutely nothing else. It didn’t even give us a premiere date. But it got us thinking… What have the band of misfits been up to in the past two weeks since we last reported their latest dramz? Well, per usual, they didn’t disappoint because after some intense, Pultizer-worthy digging we discovered evidence that pretty much confirms that Jax and Brittany have officially broken up. WHAT? The guy that got a rando pregnant in Vegas when he already had a girlfriend and the ex-Hooters girl from Kentucky didn’t work out? What kind of a world is this?!?!
If you watched Vanderpump Rules: Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky, 1) get a life because even I, the betch who spends her time alone drinking wine and watching Bravo, had too much of a life to commit to that trash, and 2) you probs already know Jax and Brit’s relationship was on the rocks based on the constant fighting and the fact that Jax ended up insulting Brittany’s entire family and friend group before heading back to LA sans Brittany. I wouldn’t classify myself as a relationship expert, but like, even I know that’s a bad sign.
Safe to say I didn’t watch Jax and Brittany’s spin-off for the above reasons, but apparently Jax’s behavior on the show’s finale was so appalling that he took to Instagram to apologize. And that’s fucking saying something. This might be the first time in history Jax has apologized.
Brittany, blink twice if you need help, girl. The offer always stands.
If that wasn’t enough, by all means, stalk their social media. Neither Jax nor Brittany have posted a photo with the other since mid-August—a decade ago in VPR years. Brittany has even gone on a fuck ton of trips without Jax including a wedding to Kentucky this past weekend. She took Scheana the home wrecker (#NeverForget) as her wedding date instead so that should tell you the pickings were slim. But I know what you’re thinking: “Lisa Vanderbetch, maybe Jax had to make Pumptinis all weekend and couldn’t make it.” Which is valid, but to which I ask, THEN WHY HAVE THEY UNFOLLOWED EACH OTHER ON INSTAGRAM? Aha! Gotcha there, naysayers. No one who is still together unfollows each other on Instagram. That’s just like, the rules of millennialism.
Did Jax recently release a blog saying they’re still together? Sure. That blog also said “I don’t think it really changed much” describing their relationship. Given the finale ended with Brittany saying “something has got to change,” that might pose as a bit of problem. So believe what you want. As always, I’m going to be leaning on the side of pessimism.