Betchy
Draper

I would just like to say that I learned more about stripping from Hustlers than I did about America in AP U.S.

Content warning: This article contains discussion of sexual assault and may be triggering for some readers.  I don’t really know how to introduce one of the most absurd and offensive products I have ever come across, so I’m just going to cut straight to the chase: A start-up recently developed what they’re calling the MeToo Kit.

I don't know about you, but my favorite moment in television history was when Bella Hadid strutted past The Weeknd on stage during the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, looking hot as hell, while he just stood there looking mad regretful.

As a proud non-influencer with less than 600 followers, I’d just like to say that I truly think most influencers are full of sh*t, as are most of the products they get paid to promote.

Remember that scene in the Sex and the City movie when Carrie asks Jennifer Hudson why she moved to New York and she dead-ass said, “to fall in love”?

Sponsored by SkinnyPop The first of the month is a tricky time, because on the one hand, I’m getting paid, but on the other, my rent is due.

Remember that episode in Euphoria when Rue watched so many consecutive hours of reality TV that she gave herself a f*cking kidney infection?

It is my personal belief that DJs are a viable choice at bar/bat mitzvahs and absolutely nowhere else.

Is it just me, or do people literally never crave salad when they’re really hungry?

Because I am supremely lazy, get department store-induced migraines, and am under the age of 35, most of my shopping takes place online.

Look, it’s no secret that FOMO is f*cking real, but did anyone know that one in four women spends more in the summer because of FOMO?

If you’re the victim child of a Jewish mother, you’re more than familiar with the rhetorical question, “Do you want to mess up your metabolism forever?” I skipped breakfast once when I was 16 and I’m still hearing about it.

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

After the massively underwhelming second season of Big Little Lies, which may as well have been called “The One Where Meryl Streep Calls Reese Witherspoon Short,” it was nice to tune into Euphoria, a show whose drama is actually riveting.

I don't know about you guys, but I always feel a little weird in the weights/machine section at the gym because I’m usually the only woman amongst a gaggle of retired frat bros who I don’t want to talk to, look at, or breathe near, and yet they somehow always manage to pump iron right next to me.

Look, I am all for adjusting my life to protect the environment, which is why I guzzle my iced coffee through a soggy paper straw and yell at my roommate for leaving every single light in our apartment on, but some things are just too damn precious to go green for.

Based on my last Euphoria article, it’s no secret that I am f*cking obsessed with this show.

Well, if influencers’ general existence has a tendency to make you feel poor, get ready to feel destitute.

People who make all of their life choices based on their ~zodiac sign~ are truly my favorite breed of human.

For those of you who haven’t seen Euphoria because the trailer gave you absolutely zero insight as to what this show is actually about, you are not alone.

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

It is my personal opinion that there are enough bars in Manhattan that no one should ever have wait in line to get in.

When it comes to your wedding day lewk, I’d just like to throw out an unpopular opinion and hope for the best: your hair is just as important as your dress, mmkay?

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

For those of you who only read news with clickbait headlines (hi), you’ve probably read the many absurd stories about author—or shall I say, soon-to-be former author?—Natasha Tynes, who first made the news in the Washington Post.

If you’re a neat and organized female who has ever been invited to a man’s apartment, you already know you’re in for a hot f*cking mess before you even go inside.

Sex and the City is nothing if not completely accurate (jokes), and Samantha’s unforgettable “all men cheat” proclamation is no exception.

The one thing I hate almost as much as public displays of affection is people who never shut the f*ck up about how much they work out (you know who you are).

As a 90s kid, I was too busy binging Dragon Tales to tune into Sex and the City when it was actually on TV, but thanks to both my parents’ iTunes and my ex boyfriend’s HBO Go, I’ve since made up time lost by watching and re-watching the show so many times that I can literally just say all of the lines with the characters at this point.

Is it just me or is bathing suit shopping more stressful than wedding dress shopping?

Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work.

I’ll truly never know why women are offended at the assumption that all little girls plan their future wedding.

Aside from simply existing, one of the most amazing things Pete Davidson has done is open the doors of public conversation when it comes to mental health.

If you’ve read any of my articles, you know that I have two obsessions in life: weddings and skin care.

If you have a sense of humor and working eyes, you will agree that all of Sgt.

I feel like most people who saw 27 Dresses were thinking, “This poor woman!” because she was forced to wear 27 monstrosities to 27 different weddings.  I was thinking it quite literally because being a bridesmaid is f*cking expensive and I would surely go bankrupt if I was enlisted to serve in more than three weddings during my lifetime.

Spring is finally here, which means New Yorkers will actually start to enjoy paying an exorbitant amount of money to survive living in this city.

If, like most people, you’re not an incredibly talented artist, then being tasked with designing wedding invitations is kind of like taking the mic at a karaoke bar: the skills are not there, but you accept the challenge with grace.

Most women say that being a mom is the hardest job, but as a woman who hasn’t yet experienced the miracle of childbirth, I will say that the most difficult job is being a bridesmaid.

There are few things in life considered timeless, among them are The Beatles, red lipstick, and, of course, Friends.

Well, fam, it’s time.

After living in the world’s most jaded city for a few years, I momentarily forgot that love is still a thing people do.

From one betch to all the betches out there, happy International Women’s Day!

Unless you met your significant other in high school, dating is really hard and anxiety-inducing for, like, every moment until you are officially in a relationship (and then that's where the real work starts).

When I graciously volunteered myself to be my brother and his fiancée’s wedding planner, I truly had no idea what that role had in store for me.

As a self-proclaimed Instagram addict, I struggled harder than I thought I would after temporarily deactivating the app that basically legalized stalking.

As the child of a Jewish mother, I was not allowed to wear makeup or use heat on my hair until I was out from under her roof.

If you’re like me, you stopped caring about Justin Bieber back in 2012, had a very brief reassessment of your feelings when “Despacito” dropped, but then returned to regular programming (i.e.