Betchy
Draper

Obviously we aren't watching TV shows for their accuracy, right?

Anyone who knows me knows that I think Gossip Girl is the holy grail of terrible TV, and in these times, it has brought me a lot of comfort.

Truth be told, (which is what I thought #tbt stood for back when Instagram first became a thing) I did not fully understand this revived obsession with tie-dye.

When it comes to made up, unnecessary holidays, I will always be the first to say how stupid they are.

Now that there is some—albeit incredibly vague—info on how we can reenter the world when coronavirus finally GTFO, I am feeling eager to get my skin back on track.

One of the things I love most about Gossip Girl is the slew of random characters whose sole purpose is to keep the plot interesting by shaking things up for our favorite four Upper East Siders and two annoying Brooklynites who endlessly complain about their unfortunate financial lot in life from their gigantic loft in one of New York’s most expensive neighborhoods.

One good thing to come of this shelter-in-place situation is the much-needed excuse to catch up with my favorite and insane group of women.

If I relate to any fictional character, it’s Schitt’s Creek’s Alexis Rose, who wears an ensemble to her court-mandated community service.

If you, too, have been doing your best to help flatten the curve, you haven’t left your home in what feels like years.

Some events in life are just inherently awkward, like when you say goodbye to someone and end up walking in the same direction, or when your ex is on the bike next to you in spin class.

Since I am an underpaid peasant, most of my clothes are from Zara.

Until about two years ago, whenever someone mentioned vitamin C, my mind automatically went to orange juice.

As a normal and not-at-all-famous twentysomething living in New York, I am in denial wholeheartedly know that I am not a Kardashian/Jenner.

You know what sucks more than your significant other living in your building?

Sincerest apologies that this list, which usually comes a day or two before the upcoming month, is arriving two weeks late, but I’ve been very busy trying to force the guy I’ve been hooking up with to date me so that I can do something other than shrivel up and die on Valentine’s Day.

Way back when I was ~studying abroad,~ my friends and I tried to organize a trip to Amsterdam.

When most people say they're outdoorsy, they mean that they enjoy going on hikes.

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

I still don't know why I did this (maybe I'm a good person, or maybe I was seriously duped), but I planned my brother's entire wedding, and if I learned one thing from it, it's that I am done planning weddings that aren’t my wedding.

Your first job is like your first boyfriend in that you truly think he’s perfect, but then again, you have nothing to compare him to, so you may not even know you're with a total loser until after you've broken up.

If there is one thing I’d love to get to the bottom of, it’s why super unrealistic horror movies about immortal clowns who eat children keep me up all night, but fictional crime shows about sexually-based offenses that are considered especially heinous basically put me to sleep.

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week.

Because I have no faith in committing to bettering myself for an entire year, New Year’s resolutions aren’t really my thing, but for those of you who vowed to improve your lives by like, going to the gym and ~traveling,~ you’re probably excited for the first official weekend of 2020.

Some say that the best holiday gift was spending time with family.

Sequins or a LBD?

If you’ve ever read a story by yours truly, you know that the holidays give me all the life I’ll ever need.

If being what my grandmother calls a “youth” has taught me one thing, it’s that delayed gratification ain’t worth sh*t.

It seems like yesterday that everyone suddenly realized Iceland exists and flew across the world for a weekend getaway, doesn’t it?

Have you ever been on a first date that was also a last date?

I don’t really fancy myself a fashion guru—in fact, I’m currently wearing a less than flattering sweatshirt-and-cowboy-boots combo—but there are some pieces out there that even I can say, with absolute certainty, are stupid.

I’ve lived in this city for so long that truly nothing phases me anymore, and that’s a personal achievement of which I’m very proud.

Kim Kardashian and I are very different people, leading very different lives, but one thing we definitely have in common is that we spend an obscene amount of money on crap we don’t need.

Look, sometimes life is hard and the light at the end of the tunnel is actually just a giant drink.

Like many millennials with jobs, my beauty look is pretty consistent day-to-day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have 82 tinted moisturizers, 41 mascaras, and about a million different facial mists.

I think I’m alone here, but does anyone else actually not hate winter?

You know when you didn’t even realize you wanted something until you see that it’s on sale, then you must have it or you will burst into flames?

Did anyone else know that the months between November and February are engagement season?

If you’ve read any of my articles, you know that I planned my brother’s wedding in full.

As long as there’s a good headline, I will read literally anything.

All of my friends who’ve been dating their significant other for five or more years always say to me, “Being a twentysomething single girl in New York must be so fun!” I’m sorry, but why does everyone think that being single in New York is like being in Sex and the City, running around on a writer’s salary in my brand new Manolos trying not to spill my $17 cosmopolitan?

If you’re a thrill-seeker (is there a cooler phrase for this, anyone?) then you’ve probably either already had sex in public or at least entertained the idea.

Remember how the premise of Rent is that they’re all pissed because in order to stay in their gigantic, industrial-chic lofts on the Lower East Side, they are expected to pay rent?

If you’ve been having a great week so far, I’m about to ruin it with a depressing statistic from the American Psychology Association’s website: “About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.

Even though the news can be pretty bleak these days, there are still good things happening every once in a while.

At some point during every relationship that I’ve been in—whether it was a serious, long-term thing or a casual hookup—I’ve wondered when it’s time to throw in the towel.

Getting your bridesmaids a gift is kind of like answering your grandma’s butt-dial calls: it’s not necessary, but you do it anyway because it's the right thing to do.

Every time a relationship ends before we even got to really date officially, a friend always tries to console me by saying something along the lines of, “the timing just wasn’t right.” And, until now, I genuinely believed them.

You know how you don't really like cupcakes that much, until they're in your office and free? (Okay, maybe that was a bad example because everybody loves cupcakes, but you know what I mean.) That’s because it's basically a scientific fact that things are significantly better when they don't cost money.

October used to remind everyone that there are other climates aside from violently hot, but we are already two days in and it is 88 motherf*cking degrees outside.