I still don’t know why I did this (maybe I’m a good person, or maybe I was seriously duped), but I planned my brother’s entire wedding, and if I learned one thing from it, it’s that I am done planning weddings that aren’t my wedding. And honestly, I’m not even that sure I want to plan my own wedding. One thing I do know for sure is that I want to enjoy planning it, not spend the year leading up to it stress-eating Krispy Kremes and ripping all of my hair out one strand at a time. If you are getting married sooner than I am—like, within the next year or two—and don’t want to have to choose between sleeping at night and having a great wedding, hire yourself a wedding planner and let him/her do everything. To understand why this is the right move, I reached out to Jamie Lipman at absolute. Wedding & Event Planning to learn a little about how this whole process works, and she definitely taught me a thing or two. Because I’m so selfless and want to help all of the brides out there, here are five things your wedding planner wants you to know.
1. Trust Them
This is tough because it’s your wedding and you know what you want, so why would you trust someone else to execute your vision who isn’t you, right? Wrong, control freaks. Your wedding planner’s job is to help you execute your vision, so trust them to do their job! Lipman says, “All great relationships are built on a foundation of trust. The same way you trust your doctor to help heal you; the same way you trust your accountant to tell you how to properly spend and save money. You hired us for a reason, so trust our advice because we are truly experts at what we do.” Obviously, your planner will want you to be involved and give input, but when it comes to the nitty gritty, let
Jesus the planner take the wheel. They knows what they’re doing.
2. Know When To Stay In Your Lane
This goes hand-in-hand with trusting your planners. I mean, look, event planning is difficult because there are so many little details you will not want to deal with. For instance, when I was planning a wedding, the florist called me at 8:07 on a Saturday morning to tell me that the platinum-colored votives I had my eye on were out of stock and wanted to know if I’d be okay with the white gold-colored ones. I mean, white gold and platinum look the exact same, no? Also, at 8:07 on a weekend, I don’t give a f*ck about anything—especially choosing between two identical candle holders. This is the kind of sh*t the planner deals with so that your valuable time can be spent tasting eight different cakes and picking out ugly bridesmaids dresses that they can totally wear again.
Lipman adds, “Allow yourself to be totally taken care of! Not just on your wedding day, but through every step of the planning process. Let us worry about spreadsheets, budgets, orders, negotiations, and all of the other things that can turn this magical time into a stressful, overwhelming experience.” I mean, enough said. You hired your planner for a reason, so remember that when you feel like you want to show up to every vendor meeting and offer your two cents.
3. Planners Like Getting Your Input
I mean, duh, but some brides feel like they’re being annoying/a burden by checking in and offering their opinions, but planners don’t mind! In fact, they like it because without your direction, they have no idea what they’re supposed to do! “We love being a part of one of the most special days in your life. We’re honored that you trust us to hold your day in our hands. We speak a language that you never need to learn and have spent years forming vendor relationships.” Lipman says. And let me just say, thank the good Lord for that, because I don’t know anything about the things like how many bottles of each type of liquor will quench the thirst of 113 people! Like, if I didn’t consult a planner, I would have had 19 bottles of gin, three bottles of whiskey and one of those airplane bottles of tequila. Good thing planners could step in and seamlessly fix my error.
Planners know that brides are an especially anxious breed of human, so they aren’t going to be annoyed if you ask them whether or not a donut wall is cute or overdone (it’s overdone). They are there to offer suggestions and help make decisions so that you don’t have to!
4. Try To Understand The Price Tag
Some people out there are cheap af and will take crazy shortcuts like asking their guests to double as vendors in order to cut costs, but if you aren’t an asshole, you will just accept that weddings cost money. Lipman says, “You pay for experience, expertise, and peace of mind knowing that your most important day is in great hands.” She has a point. You didn’t hire a wedding planner because it sounded like a fun thing to do; you hired a wedding planner for their knowledge and ability to make sure that your wedding looks exactly like your Pinterest board. That costs money, people! When you meet your planner for the first time, establishing a budget should be one of the first things you do so you don’t end up spending your future kids’ college tuition on your wedding.
5. Don’t Try To Negotiate
Wedding planners recommend vendors with whom they have strong relationships, so the price they give you is trustworthy. No one is trying to swindle you, honey. “The vendors we refer treat our clients amazingly well because you are our client, period. We know they will do a great job and give you an incredible value for the money you’re spending. You need to trust that the price we give you is the best price that will ever be available because of our personal relationships.” Preach. Also, negotiating sucks. I once bought a necklace on Etsy and tried to negotiate the price down via the online messaging portal and didn’t sleep for three whole days because it was so stressful and nerve wracking, and by the time I got the necklace, it became a daily reminder of how much I hate negotiating. When it comes to negotiating with your planner, just, like, don’t do it.
Look, if you’ve ever tried to organize a dinner with more than three people, you know that planning sh*t is really hard. When it comes to your wedding, which is the same thing as that dinner we talked about, only plus two hundred more people, just hire a planner and trust that they’ll deliver on their promise to give you the most perfect Instagram wedding there ever was.
Images: Photos by Lanty / Unsplash; Giphy (5); Unsplash