Ryanne
Probst

Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).

Stuff I Wrote

The Best 'Bachelor' Recap You'll Ever Read: Week 1

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, we made it to 2018 and also another season of The Bachelor.

The Best Haircuts For Your Face Shape

By Ryanne Probst

2018 is legit right around the corner, and what better way to start off the new year than with a healthy dose of self hatred trendy new haircut that you’re bound to despise by the time your New Year’s Day hangover starts to fade?

The 5 Haircuts To Ask Your Stylist For In 2018

By Ryanne Probst

We’re exactly one month away from the new year, which is great because this year I’ve been trash has been the worst and I can’t wait until it’s fucking over.

The Most Embarrassing Hair Trends Of 2017

By Ryanne Probst

I think we can all agree that 2017 was like that drunk friend who didn’t know when to quit before killing the internet puking in the cab or starting a Twitter feud with someone who def has weapons of mass destruction drunk dialing their ex.

All The Celeb Couples We Think Will Break Up In 2018

By Ryanne Probst

This year has been one hell of a year for celebrity relationships.

'Riverdale' Recap: All I Want For Christmas Is Some Goddamn Access To Hermione's Black Card

By Ryanne Probst

This week on Riverdale, it’s the mid-season finale, and the promo is promising a lot of things—like the discovery of the Black Hood’s identity and also the Christmas from hell.

The Heinous 2017 Beauty Trends That Ruined Makeup For Everyone

By Ryanne Probst

So I think it’s safe to say that 2017 has been a rough fucking ride for everyone, amiright?

Nail Polishes That Last As Long As A Manicure And Don't Chip

By Ryanne Probst

We’re in full-on holiday mode, which means that instead of spending my hard-earned money on getting shitfaced at happy hour things I actually like to do, I’m spending it on the people I love.

The 6 Stages of Santacon

By Ryanne Probst

Listen up, people, because a dark force is about to descend upon New York City this weekend, and that force is Santacon.

'Riverdale' Recap: Betty Gives Ariel Winter A Run For Her Money

By Ryanne Probst

Well fam, we’re here.

4 Holiday Party Makeup Looks That Will Make You The Hottest Person In Your Office

By Ryanne Probst

’Tis the season to black out on Champagne and embarrass yourself in formal wear in front of your boss, colleagues, and that one guy with a man bun who works on your floor.

'Riverdale' Recap: There's A New Daddy In Town

By Ryanne Probst

I’m not gonna lie, this season of Riverdale has been lit AF.

6 TV Families Who Are More Psycho Than Yours In Honor of Thanksgiving

By Ryanne Probst

We’re a mere day away from Thanksgiving, and I’m already mentally preparing myself for interacting with my family for five long, uninterrupted days.

The Best Nail Art Trends To Try This Winter When You're Bored AF

By Ryanne Probst

There’s a lot to be said about the winter season.

'Riverdale' Recap: A PG-13 Grope Fest

By Ryanne Probst

Not gonna lie, it’s been one giant shit show of a week for me, and literally, the only thing keeping me going rn is the hope that Cheryl might get more than three minutes of screen time on tonight’s episode of Riverdale.

'Riverdale' Recap: The CW Is In My Personal Burn Book

By Ryanne Probst

I’m going to skip all the bullshit this recap and head straight to the good stuff, but first, just know that The CW still very much so has a permanent place in my personal burn book for their blatant discrimination against people who don’t have cable subscriptions and also avid Cheryl fans.

All The People Whose Reputation Taylor Swift Tried To Ruin In Honor Of 'Reputation'

By Ryanne Probst

As a long time listener of Taylor Swift’s music, I’ve learned a lot from her over the years, like how to only date emotionally unavailable men or how to act like a psycho when dating said emotionally unavailable men.

'Riverdale' Recap: Archie’s Sexually Charged Fight Club

By Ryanne Probst

So I realize the recap is a little late, but don’t blame me, because I don’t take any personal responsibility for anything ever blame my internet provider and their “unscheduled service outage” in my area.

All The Times We Were Smarter Than Kendall Jenner In Honor Of Her Birthday

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Friday, which means another week has passed where I’m forced to write about America’s favorite attention whores: the Kardashians.

4 Everyday Activities That Are Secretly Ruining Your Skin

By Ryanne Probst

It’s Monday and I’ve spent the past 48 hours finding new and fun ways to trigger myself in the future.

Kim Kardashian Roasted Bella Thorne And Scott Disick

By Ryanne Probst

In case you are a homeschooled jungle freak haven’t been Keeping Up, you may have missed that Scott Disick, former longtime lover of Kourtney Kardashian and current walking human STD, has been hooking up with literal children all summer in a sad attempt to make Kourtney jealous.

'Riverdale' Recap: I’m An Unwed Mother Carrying My Cousin’s Babies

By Ryanne Probst

Well, fam, as I write this it is Wednesday, which means I’ve spent the last 7 days trying to google wtf Jingle Jangle is and if Bella Thorne has been taking it all this time.

6 TV Shows You Have To Binge Watch Before Halloween Weekend

By Ryanne Probst

Halloween is legit days away, and this is not a drill.

Where Each Member Of The Kardashian Family Would Be Today If Kim Never Made A Sex Tape

By Ryanne Probst

In case you live a full and fulfilling life and you don’t spend 3-4 hours a night scrolling through the black hole that is the Kardashian’s internet presence (Hi), then you might not have known that yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

'Riverdale' Recap: Jingle Jangle Is What The Kids Are Into

By Ryanne Probst

I’d just like to start this recap by throwing up a metaphorical middle finger at The CW for making it so fucking difficult for me to live stream their shit.

6 Cute Halloween Nail Art Ideas That Are Festive But Not Freaky

By Ryanne Probst

We’re mere weeks away from the holiday most beloved by betches: Halloween. And what’s not to love about a holiday that encourages you to drunk eat chocolate while you drunk dial your ex?

Our Baby Name Predictions For Kim, Khloé, Kylie And Kourtney

By Ryanne Probst

You guys, it pains me to say this, but it’s starting to look like all of the Kardashians are actually pregnant.

'Riverdale' Recap: If The Manolo Blahnik Fits

By Ryanne Probst

Well, we did it fam.

The Right Way To Order Wine At A Restaurant

By Ryanne Probst

Recently I’ve been reading a lot of articles on how to order from a restaurant wine list like a pro, because I clearly will do anything to avoid doing any actual work at my place of work.

Look As Hot As The Girls On 'Riverdale' With These 3 Beauty Products

By Ryanne Probst

In case you are not a friend I force to read my articles loyal reader, then you probably don’t know that I’m low-key obsessed with the CW show Riverdale.

6 Beauty Supplements You Need To Take For Better Skin, Hair, & Overall Appearance

By Ryanne Probst

Who here is still feeling personally victimized by the weekend? *raises both hands and feet* I mean, I realize it’s Tuesday—a full 72 hours since I’ve sabotaged my mind, body, and spirit by ingesting enough alcohol to kill most humans and texting every person in my phone who has a penis—but the damage still feels very recent, ya know?

8 Drugstore Lip Products That Are Better Than Kylie Jenner’s Lip Kits

By Ryanne Probst

Nothing says more about my personality than a dark, vampy lip.

The Best Drugstore Anti-Aging Products So You Can Put Off Botox Without Breaking The Bank

By Ryanne Probst

IDK about you but I feel like I’ve aged 20 years this week and it’s barely Thursday.

5 Times Archie From 'Riverdale' Was The Actual Worst

By Ryanne Probst

In case you haven’t actively been counting down the days in your calendar until the Riverdale premiere (hi), then let me just educate you real quick because season two airs in exactly one week.

6 Fall Lip Colors That Reflect Just How Dead Inside You Are

By Ryanne Probst

There’s a lot to love about the fall season.

Some Psychopath In New Jersey Turned Your Most Hated Liquor Into A Bagel Flavor

By Ryanne Probst

I’ve had a very strained relationship with the state of New Jersey over the years.

What Birth Control Are The Kardashians On? An Investigation

By Ryanne Probst

Just once, I’d like to go 12 fucking hours without having my mind blown by another Kardashian pregnancy announcement.

Archie From 'Riverdale', KJ Apa, Was Involved In Late-Night Car Crash

By Ryanne Probst

It’s been a rough fucking couple of days for me personally Riverdale fans, because it’s just been reported that Riverdale star KJ Apa was in a late-night car crash last week.

The 7 Most Insane & Iconic Moments From 'Riverdale' Season 1

By Ryanne Probst

In case you’re not one of my friends that I force to read my articles loyal readers, then you probably don’t know that I’m v obsessed with The CW’s Riverdale.

The Best Bars To Lock Down A Finance Bro Husband

By Ryanne Probst

Good morning, idiot hookers, and once again congratulations for making it to Thursday, which is basically Friday.

5 Fall Beauty Trends That Will Be All Over Instagram

By Ryanne Probst

Even though it feels like Satan’s armpit in New York rn, fall is fast approaching.

Is Fenty Beauty By Rihanna Worth It? We Tried It & Here's Our Review

By Ryanne Probst

In case you have no idea what’s going on in the beauty world rn (honestly I don’t blame you, some of that shit is frightening), Rihanna just came out with a new beauty line and people are losing their goddamn minds over it.

The Best 'Bachelor In Paradise' Finale Recap You'll Ever Read: The Last Day Of Amanda's Childless Vacation

By Ryanne Probst

Did you know we have a podcast dedicated to all things The Bachelor?

8 Guys Who'd Make A Better Bachelor Than Arie Luyendyk Jr.

By Ryanne Probst

Yesterday, ABC decided to ruin my life announced who the next Bachelor is and he is a total rando.

ASOS Is Launching A Makeup Line And Everything Is Under $20

By Ryanne Probst

I don’t know about y’all but I’ve worked, like, three straight days in a row now, and I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk functioning off of three percent brain power thanks to Labor Day Weekend.

The Best 'Bachelor In Paradise' Recap You'll Ever Read, Week 3 Night 2: Paradise Is Worse Than A Russian Orphanage

By Ryanne Probst

And we’re back for yet another exciting night of Bachelor in Paradise this week.

The Best 'Bachelor In Paradise' Recap You'll Ever Read, Week 3 Night 1: No One Likes A Virgin Piña Colada

By Ryanne Probst

Did you know we have a podcast dedicated to all things The Bachelor? Listen and subscribe here!

Ultimate Fuckboy Ghosted His GF Of 3 Years & She Got Revenge In The Best Way Possible

By Ryanne Probst

We’ve all been there, the moment we fuck up a really good kind of decent thing with a guy by saying something truly offensive like “what are we” or “I really like you” after only, like, 3 months of spending 5 days a week together sharing your bed and your HBO passwords casually dating.

5 Fall Instagram Trends That Are Officially Canceled This Year

By Ryanne Probst

Summer is almost over, and I know this because instead of feeling the need to go outside and actually do things with my life, my needs veer more towards re-watching old episodes of Veronica Mars and eating an entire sleeve of soft-baked cookies in one sitting.

The Best 'Bachelor In Paradise' Week 2 Part 2 Recap You'll Ever Read: DeMario Tells All Again

By Ryanne Probst

We’ve now moved on to Week 2, Night 2 and my tolerance for drunken beach hookups is running real fucking low.

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