Step Aside, Kim K, Here’s How I Make A Sex Tape I Actually Want To Rewatch

As a sex writer (and also a self-proclaimed sex goddess), it’s safe to say I’m always up for trying something new between the sheets (or even in the back of a car). Whether it’s contorting my body into new sex positions, experimenting with the latest toys, or finding any way to make sex… well, more sexy, I am down. And through my sexy experimentation, there’s been stuff I found I like, stuff I will never talk about, let alone try again, and stuff that I love. So. Damn. Much. And sex tapes? Sex tapes are my shit.

There’s just something about watching yourself getting absolutely railed on camera that’s almost artistic. It’s beautiful, really. I enjoy the occasional porn, but nothing turns me on like getting to rewatch my own top greatest hits.

And while I like to think I’ve mastered the art of a great sex tape, it definitely did not start that way. I’m talking awkward angles, unflattering lighting, and just bad sex — basically, my unsexiest moments caught on video. And because I want all you betches to have the best sex experiences ever, I’m going to share my tips and tricks so that you can make a professional porn star-worthy sex tape your first time around.

Here are 11 tips to make the hottest sex tape that probably won’t make you Kim-K famous but will still be pretty damn good.

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Record yourself solo first

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Let’s talk strategy. Before you dive headfirst into the world of sex tapes, let’s take a moment to pace ourselves. Consider this your warm-up, if you’ve never gone solo in front of the camera before.

Start by getting familiar with yourself on camera. Experiment with different angles until you find the ones that make you feel like a total bombshell. And while you’re at it, get comfy being nude with a camera pointed at you. It might feel super awkward at first, but this way, you can get cozy with the camera and then be a total star when it’s time to go.

Do some self-care prep

If we’re about to make some movie magic, we want to make sure we’re getting glam. Slap on a face mask, treat yourself to a fresh mani pedi, or get everything smoothed out with a wax. Because let’s be real, yes, you’re already gorgeous, but it’s going to be hard to feel like a sex god or goddess on camera if you’re stressing about a chipped nail or stray hair.

Oil it up

Once you’ve got your grooming routine down pat, it’s time to bring in the oil. Slather that stuff all over your body, and watch as you and your partner go from amateurs to pros. Speaking of, here’s a pro tip: If you really want to up the ante, incorporate some sexy massage action into your tape using that body oil.

Make the room look presentable

Coming from someone who’s forever haunted by a video of me getting rammed from behind on a table cluttered with lighters, tea bags, and, of course, a book about sex — the setting matters.

Even if you’re having the hottest sex ever on camera, I promise you won’t be able to focus on anything except the mess surrounding you when you’re watching it back. So before you hit record, take a good look around and tidy up your space. Get rid of anything that might steal the spotlight from the main event. Invest in some fresh, clean sheets, and create a backdrop that screams “sexy” instead of “hot mess.”

Get a tripod

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Now, depending on your preferences — whether you’re all about the close-ups or you prefer a wider view — investing in a tripod for your phone is a game-changer.

Think about it: no more awkwardly propping your phone on random objects and hoping for the best. Plus, you’ll capture every steamy moment from start to finish without any pesky interruptions.

But “POV” is a classic

Consider grabbing that phone and holding it yourself, or better yet, let your partner take the reins. Why? Because nothing screams sexy like a POV angle that puts you right in the middle of the action. Trust me, watching yourself or your partner from this perspective is like seeing your hottest fantasies come to life on screen.

Also, bonus tip: the closer you are to the actions, the better chance you have of hearing all of those delicious sounds. Yeah, those sounds. So go ahead and get up close and personal. Thank me later.

Don’t record every single thing

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A sex tape is all about finding the perfect balance when it comes to filming your sexcapades. Don’t get me wrong, watching yourself in action can be a major turn-on. But here’s the thing: you don’t want to go overboard with the filming.

If you’re the one holding the camera, constantly worrying about getting the perfect shot can totally take away from the heat of the moment. I mean, who wants to be stressing about angles and lighting when you’re in the throes of passion?? Exactly, no one. Remember to prioritize being present and enjoying the experience with your partner. After all, the real magic happens in the moment, not behind the lens.

Don’t play music

When it comes to setting the mood for your sex tape, sometimes less is more. Now, I, too, enjoy a great sex playlist (I even use mine to masturbate), but when it comes to filming a steamy session, I choose to go without the soundtrack. Why? Moans and groans, baby!

Sure, I might hit mute when watching porn myself, but when it’s me on screen, I want to hear everything. Trust me, there’s something insanely sexy about hearing yourself fully immersed in pleasure.

Use lighting you like

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I could hit you with a bunch of tips on setting up the perfect lighting situation, but here’s the deal: it’s all about what you like. Personally, I’m all about that soft, natural sunlight filtering through pristine white curtains kind of vibe. But I’ve also been with partners who swear by the sultry glow of purple and red LED lights, and you know what? Despite thinking a grown man using LED lights is super cringe, both setups ended up looking pretty fucking good on video.

It’s not just about what looks hot. It’s about how you feel. Are you all about being center stage, fully illuminated? Or do you prefer keeping things a little more mysterious with some low-key, dimmed lighting? Bottom line: figure out what makes you feel like a porn star and then own it.

Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do

It can be tempting to bring out all of the big guns for a sex tape, but one of the worst things you can do is try to introduce something totally new that you aren’t super comfortable with and then capture the entire ordeal on camera. Sure, the sex doesn’t have to be textbook perfect, but let’s aim for something that’s at least enjoyable to watch, shall we? I mean, you’re not Spielberg, but you still want your masterpiece to be, well, a masterpiece.

Now, I’m not saying don’t spice things up – by all means, go for it! But if you’ve been eyeing that super complicated sex position or exploring a new kink, maybe test the waters off-camera first. Trust me, it’ll save you from any awkward mishaps and ensure your sex tape is more Oscar-worthy than cringe-inducing.

Try to forget you’re making a sex tape

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Remember that the sex tape is meant to be a spicy addition to your already amazing sex life, not the main event.

Sure, there might be a bit more prep involved compared to your usual sexy time, but don’t let the camera steal the show. Trust me, constantly worrying about angles and lighting can seriously dampen the mood. And you don’t want to look like Christian Bale flexing in the mirror mid-sex in American Psycho.

At the end of the day, it’s all about enjoying the moment and feeling pleasure with your partner. And hey, if the video isn’t as great as you’d hoped, you can always delete it and pretend it never even happened.