Sex symbols only come along every so often. So when we’re blessed with a whole family of them like the Kardashians, the smartest thing we can do is start taking notes — especially when it comes to our sex lives. Sure, Kim Kardashian’s sex tape has some mixed reviews (no, fr it actually has reviews on IMDb). Still, if I’m going to follow the sex advice of any celebrity, it’s going to be the one whose sex tape basically made her career.
And it’s not just Kim we can learn from. From the matriarch who has SIX children to the eldest sibling who’s known for dry-humping her husband every second of the day, I just KNOW this family is full of sex goddesses. Here’s the best sex advice from the Kardashians. You might not get launched into stardom or become a billionaire, but hey, at least you’ll have good sex.
“My twerking skills are for the bedroom. Not the club.”
While I’ll never encourage anyone to not shake ass at the club, Kim may be on to something about bringing that energy into bed. In the words of our lord and savior Meg Thee Stallion, “Do it on the dick! Do it on the dick!”
“When I turned 40, everyone said it is the best sex of your life.”
If “turn 40” doesn’t really seem like great, actionable advice, I guess I’d say that Kim is trying to say that sex is going to get better with age. Do with that what you will.
“You gotta get it in where you can get it in.”
Okay, so maybe the bathrooms Kim K. is having quickies in are a little nicer than the ones you are in, but don’t let that stop you from acting on all your urges!
“We thought we’d put out the possible benefits of, gulp, yes, swallowing semen.”
As the self-appointed wellness queen, Kourtney’s always looking for holistic ways to improve her life. And according to her, swallowing cum is one of them. The full quote being, “For those who do feel comfortable with the idea and even find a little thrill in it, we thought we’d put out the possible benefits of, gulp, yes, swallowing semen.” Great for your sex life and the quality of your sleep (apparently?!).
“There’s nothing wrong with being spicy, and I love keeping things fresh.”
At a dinner with her bodyguard-turned-beau Corey, Kris talks about the couple having sex on the beach. And if Kris-stay-with-a-man-Jenner is telling you to keep it spicy and fresh, then fall in line.
“And if you have a connection with someone, it’s so much better.”
This advice seems like the earnest realization of someone married to their first husband for only 72 days (hi Kim), but a great tip nonetheless.
“I did ecstasy once, I got married. I did it again and I made a sex tape.”
You heard it from Kim! Do ecstasy for the plot.
“My grandma told me that you really live life when you have sex in front of the fireplace, and so we had sex in front of the fireplace in honor of you.”
Is it creepy to channel your 87-year-old grandmother while fucking Pete Davidson? Definitely. (Even without the grandmother aspect.) But are we going to ignore the immortal advice of MJ that Kim swears by? Definitely not.
“Doing it on a private plane is great, especially when there are other passengers on board. It’s part of the thrill!”
Thanks, Khloé! My private plane is actually in the shop right now. Can I borrow yours?