Over the weekend, whether you were too afraid to rejoin society after lockdown or you were forced back into lockdown because people went HAM and your city saw a resurgence of Covid cases, chances are you might’ve come across the new Baby-Sitters Club series on Netflix Family. Though the series was originally intended for a children’s audience, millennials and xennials on my Twitter and IG feeds have also found themselves binging the show. This wholesome content is exactly the nostalgia we’ve all been longing for in a difficult year, and if you haven’t watched it yet, do yourself a favor and head to Netflix.
So what better way to continue that comforting break from reality than to celebrate the iconic series and its characters by asking yourself the simple question of “What does your favorite Baby-Sitters Club character say about you?” None.
Did somebody order a control freak? Kristys (Kristies?) are currently stewing over the fact that their 2020 planner has barely seen any action and spend their days in quarantine crafting the perfect itinerary for working from home. You’re not the best with change, but that’s mostly because things don’t sit well with you if you’re not able to run the show and be in complete control. That being said, you are a natural leader and you do your best to lead with love. Your friends are your people and you always show up for them. Like the Mom of the group, you’re reliable and when people need something done you’re the one they have on speed dial.
Claudias are the fiercest, most artistic of the bunch. Never afraid to speak your mind, people naturally flock to your confident attitude and effortless style. You will definitely be voted mostly likely to have a future as an #influencer with a roster of Pinterest-worthy DIYs and sustainable capsule collections. Family means everything to you, though it can be frustrating when your family isn’t as open to your free spirit as your friends and fans. You’re a considerate friend who always has a purse full of snacks, encourages others to explore their creativity, and your attention to detail in your art and for the people you care about never goes unnoticed.
Ahhh boy-crazy Stacey. On the outside, you give off the vibes of a Real Housewife in the making, when deep down you’re still just trying to figure yourself out (admittedly, most of the Housewives are too). While you worry a ton about what others may think, you try your best to not let your insecurities get the best of you. In reality, all you’re trying to do is find genuine connections in this world, and that goes for friends, romance, and family. You sometimes struggle with living up to your parents’ ridiculous expectations, but you know that at the end of the day they’ve got your back. So keep reminding yourself of that and surrounding yourself with friends and boos who do too.
Mary Annes are either a future therapist’s dream or have a successful future as a therapist. Never one to rock the boat, you’re always listening and taking in everyone else’s energy. By nature you’re a people pleaser, though one should never mistake your kindness for weakness. You’re still learning to find your voice and develop independence from who you think you should be for everyone else and who you actually want to be. And while you’re still evolving your personality and style, you never discount the value of a solid pair of overalls and you can always be counted on to be there for your friends with an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
A spiritual goddess, Dawns are optimistic and always look at the glass as half-full—even when the cards they’ve been dealt haven’t always been the best hand. You might have been forced to grow up quickly and play the role of caregiver or authority in your family. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you lean into those skills and excel with purpose. Whether it’s educating yourself and taking your efforts beyond performative allyship or leading a guided meditation to calm everyone’s nerves, you are not only happy to be a part of the group but truly want everyone to see just how wonderful and badass they can be in their own right too.
An honorable mention for Kristy’s soon-to-be step-sister Karen because let’s face it, it’s been a tough year for Karens. Whether we admit it or not, every single friend group has a Karen. Karens can be dramatic and have a tendency to overreact when really all they are is starved for attention. They genuinely believe they mean well, though it often comes out in problematic and extreme ways, like idk, running away at camp or fearmongering over conspiracy theories. And while Karens still admittedly have room to grow and mature, one thing is for sure—if they like you they’ll defend you to the extreme and you’ll always get that impossible restaurant reservation even if you’re just walking in.
Images: Jesse Austin (5), Kailey Schwerman/Netflix; Giphy
If you’re quarantining with your significant other, consider yourself lucky—no matter how annoying their snoring is or how badly you want to throttle them when they fail to take out the trash despite your numerous reminders. After spending a few months with only Me, Myself, and I, I’m slowly losing it and beginning to understand why Tom Hanks painted his own blood on a volleyball, let’s just say that. And another side-effect is that I’m literally living in one of those “Day 257 without sex” memes. If beaches weren’t closed, I might have gone to one just so the waves would slap my ass. Just kidding, but like, it’s real out here. Which is why it’s amazing that Nasty Cherry, the stars of Netflix’s I’m With The Band and Charli XCX’s protégés, came out with a song that’s all about ~feeling yourself~. It’s called “I Am King”, and it’s out today, May 22, via Vroom Vroom Recordings.
When I asked about the inspo for the song, Nasty Cherry member Gabbriette said, “Masturbating seemed to be the topic of the day. Feel like we don’t get to sing and dance about it enough so we made a song to help us out.” Honestly, she’s not wrong.
As for what it means to really be a king, each of them had a different take. Gabbriette said, “Being a king is loving what makes you you. Livin’ life how you want in your body.” To Debbie, “It means being fearless and needing nobody but yourself.” And for Georgia, “To me, being king means being the ruler of your own body, and having complete authority over it.” I cosign all these interpretations.
But we all have days when we’re not exactly feelin’ ourselves (whether it be literally or figuratively), and on those days, Chloe recommended, “Do an activity that makes you feel good and brings you joy. For example, when I’m low, I listen to Charli XCX and make pasta.”
After you check out “I Am King”, you’ll probably become obsessed with Nasty Cherry. The all-female group puts out music that’s fun and provocative (songs about masturbation, titles like “Music With Your Dad”, need I say more?). And they have a #tbt aesthetic that any 90s betch will live for. I asked about that, too. Georgia explained, “We all love the early 2000s aesthetic! We grew up with Lizzie McGuire, Bratz dolls, the Cheetah Girls, Christina’s Stripped album, etc., and have a lot of shared love for that period of pop music and film. 2002 gets such a bad rap for style, but it was f*cking fun—you could throw on a tracksuit with a pair of stripper heels and sunglasses and it was a look.” Ok, like, yes.
Couldn’t agree more, and I have a feeling that post-pandemic, tracksuits with stripper heels are going to make their way back. So dim the lights, maybe light a candle, and check out their newest single below.
We’ve all got a lot of time on our hands right now to ponder life’s greatest questions, like “how long can I go without washing my hair?” and “am I only going to hang out with people through Zoom for the rest of my life?” But there’s one major question that’s been on all of our minds: “how would the characters of Friends handle quarantine?” And as someone who started watching Friends at six years old (was I way too young to be watching it? Yes. Did it make me feel 1,000 times superior to all the other first-graders? Absolutely yes), I feel particularly qualified to carry out this task.
For the sake of a consistent timeline, we’ll assume they go into quarantine sometime around season 6, after Monica and Chandler have moved in together and Ross is living in the apartment across the street from them, and we’ll also assume that they’ve decided to all quarantine together. But also, if the timeline doesn’t 100% line up let’s just all try to remain calm. This is an imagining of a TV show that ended 16 years ago, so maybe just have a glass of wine and keep that in perspective.
Rachel started dating a guy right before everyone went into quarantine and is freaking out that he hasn’t called her yet. She insists on keeping the phone line open at all times in case he calls, and to distract herself she has started trying on all of her clothes and asking everyone what she should get rid of (correct answer: nothing, Rachel Green is a fashion icon). After realizing she has such great taste, she’s decided she should start a fashion blog.
Phoebe has been reliably informed by her psychic that one of the Friends has coronavirus. In order to figure out who has it, she’s trying to read everyone’s auras because, according to her, that’s as good as an actual test. She’s also lighting an absurd amount of incense (it’s “healing”), putting crystals in every room, and writing songs about literally everything everyone is doing, and it’s driving them all absolutely insane.
Naturally, Joey is eating through all of the quarantine food like it’s Thanksgiving dinner and he’s got his eating pants on. And as we all know, Joey doesn’t share food, so this is kind of a big problem. He’s also always trying to break quarantine to go meet up with a girl, but because no one will let him, he’s instead trying to flirt with girls he can see in the building across from them or on the street through the window. To no one’s surprise, he’s so successful he has a new girlfriend every week.
Ross is the only one who didn’t make it to Monica’s apartment in time for quarantine, and as Monica’s already got the place on full lockdown, she’s refusing to let him in. Whenever he tries to call them, Rachel immediately hangs up the phone in case her date calls, so his only option is to try to communicate with them through their window.
Chandler only has two coping mechanisms: sarcasm and smoking. While his sarcasm is certainly no secret, the fact that he’s started smoking again definitely is. He keeps making trips to the hallway and the balcony for a smoke break but is ultimately caught because like, the smell, duh. Could he be any more obvious?
A global pandemic is Monica’s worst nightmare because it’s not something she has any control over. So obviously, she’s making everyone to wash their hands every hour on the hour and trying to clean the apartment 24/7. The only problem? Joey got rid of most of their cleaning supplies to make room for more quarantine food, and she already ordered Amazon’s entire stock of cleaning supplies. So instead, she’s baking constantly to relieve stress. She started the banana bread trend.
Devastated by the fact that he likely won’t see Rachel again for months, he’s started writing fan fiction about how she will eventually fall in love with him (as if he wasn’t already doing that).
Janice decides to serenade her neighbors from her balcony and ends up having dozens of noise complaints filed against her because of her voice.
Images: Giphy; Paul Smith / Featureflash via Shutterstock.com
We’re reaching the point of quarantine where normal rules just don’t matter anymore. We’re eating at random times, drinking at… all the times, and reaching out to people from our past just out of boredom. If you haven’t texted a past hookup or ex during this pandemic, you’re stronger than me, congratulations. Luckily, Britney Spears is taking my mind off of my ex, by very publicly talking about one of her own exes: Justin Timberlake.
On Wednesday, Britney Spears posted one of her now-signature videos on Instagram, featuring some frantic dance moves, choppy editing, and most importantly, ultra-low rise booty shorts. But what was notable about this video was that she’s dancing to one of Justin Timberlake’s songs, “Filthy.” In her caption, she says that this is her “version of Snapchat or TikTok or whatever the cool thing you’re supposed to do these days.” God, I love her.
But then she really brings it home by addressing her song choice: “PS I know we had one of the world’s biggest breakups 20 years ago …… but hey the man is a genius !!!! Great song JT”. And, in that moment, my soul rose up to heaven. Britney’s Instagram during quarantine has been messy in the most delightful way, and this is everything I could’ve asked for.
But then it got even better, because Justin Timberlake commented on the post. He kept it frustratingly simple, with just some emojis, but in these dark times, I will take what I get and I won’t get upset. We know that Justin and Britney thought of each other yesterday, and for that I am thankful.
View this post on Instagram
Naturally, people were very excited by this interaction, and this post got sent in no less than three group chats I’m in. Britney’s sister Jamie Lynn Spears also chimed in, commenting that “Blogs are already plotting their outrageous stories…. you keep having fun and looking cute tho!!” Okay, I don’t know if I should feel attacked right now, but I will refrain from plotting any outrageous stories. And honestly, there’s nothing going on here to even plot about. It’s pretty obvious that Britney and Justin aren’t close or anything—this isn’t a Brad and Jen situation—but it’s fun to see them shouting each other out.
Seeing Britney’s post, and the ensuing comments, made me feel super nostalgic. Last week, we threw it back to 2006 to explain the iconic photos of Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, but Britney’s relationship with Justin was a whole different era, and I f*cking miss it. Of course, we all remember the classic matching denim looks, but I feel like people forget how sh*tty Justin was to Britney after things ended.
In a Twitter thread from 2018 that’s basically a goldmine of forgotten moments, @PallahAbdul walks us through two decades of reasons “why Justin Timberlake is trash.” The thread isn’t just about Britney, but their relationship is definitely a recurring theme. According to the thread, soon after Justin and Britney broke up in 2002, Justin began a pattern of portraying himself as the victim, and putting the blame on Britney for the relationship going wrong.
In this clip from a Barbara Walters interview, he says that he promised Britney he wouldn’t say the exact reason for the split, but basically says yes when Barbara asks him if Britney cheated. Allegedly, they both cheated on each other, but Justin leaves that part out. Then, later in the segment, he sings a song called “Horrible Woman.” Subtle!!
In his Barbara Walters interview he paints himself as a victim then goes on to sing a song about Britney called horrible woman pic.twitter.com/nngMVbN3oC
— Romeo Santos (@PallahAbdul) February 4, 2018
Soon after that, he released “Cry Me A River,” which everyone has always assumed is a Britney diss track. While promoting the song, he continued to talk about Britney, and in this radio clip, he admits that he “f*cked Britney Spears.” Considering that they both famously claimed to be virgins during their relationship, this feels like a pretty big betrayal of trust.
Here’s another clip of him on the radio talking about sleeping with Britney pic.twitter.com/q8VulGYMFz
— Romeo Santos (@PallahAbdul) February 4, 2018
Fast forward a full decade, and Justin was still talking sh*t about Britney. In this video from 2013, he introduces a performance of “Cry Me A River” by vaguely talking about when you love someone, and they turn out to be “a bitch.” Classy.
Before his album cycle in 2013, Justin predicably started bringing Britney up again. Before a performance of “cry me a river” he called her a bitch pic.twitter.com/CyEyaOqjWa
— Romeo Santos (@PallahAbdul) February 4, 2018
In the nearly two decades since the breakup, Britney has generally kept things more positive, and she even said in 2016 that she’d love to get in the studio and collaborate with Justin. That being said, she hasn’t been above a shady comment or two, and in this video (that looks like it was shot in a bunker), she and K-Fed joke about how “Cry Me A River” is “pussy-fied.”
Fun little bonus clip: Britney singing cry me a river and calling Justin a pussy pic.twitter.com/c47LTJv9lA
— Romeo Santos (@PallahAbdul) February 5, 2018
Honestly, I don’t think these two will ever be friends, and I don’t need them to be. Clearly, a lot of messiness went down in the past, and sometimes you’re just not supposed to be friends with your ex. I’m happy that they can make playful comments on Instagram, but that’s probably about as far as this will go. Actually, I really want Justin to post a video dancing to one of Britney’s songs, but that doesn’t seem realistic.
Images: Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage via Getty Images; commentsbycelebs / Instagram; pallahabdul / Twitter
By now, you probably know that the decade is about to end. Yeehaw, we made it. And while it’s fun to look back on the crazy sh*t that celebrities or The Bachelor contestants did this decade, it’s even more interesting to think about what we, the normal people, did in the 2010s. We already looked at the worst wellness and fashion trends of the decade, and uh, oof. Today, let’s look back on some of the ridiculous fads and trends that became a thing, and thankfully also stopped being a thing, this decade. 10 years is a long time, and there have been some major rough moments. None of us are making it out unscathed.
Eating For The Insta
I never understood "eating for the insta" ? Like I'm eating it because my body physically needs 17 meals a day & because its in front of me
— Naomi (@gimmenuggets) September 27, 2017
Considering how ubiquitous Instagram has become, it’s easy to forget that it didn’t even exist at the beginning of this decade. *Takes 10 hours to ponder my existence* We’ve seen a lot of Instagram trends come and go since its inception, but perhaps the one I’m most glad to see in the past is everyone caring way too much about their food pics. There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures of your food and posting them every once in a while, but we’ve moved past the era of every single girl pretending she’s a food blogger and making a huge scene before anyone at the table is allowed to take a bite. These days, if I’m ever out to eat and someone shouts “the phone eats first!!!”, I slap their iPhone out of their hand.
Okay, so while many people still spend more time editing their photos than it took me to write this article, thankfully most of us are no longer using 12 Instagram filters and grainy effects on our photos. Facetune is an epidemic, but at least we’ve realized that the toaster filter isn’t flattering on literally anyone. The same goes for fake lense flairs, unnecessary use of black and white/sepia, and those weird effects that make your photo look like a piece of film. What the f*ck even was that?
I literally had to triple check because I didn’t believe it, but planking became popular THIS DECADE. Who said time flies, because they were mistaken. I never got into this trend, and I still don’t understand why it became a thing. Is there anything more cringe than that one friend’s dad who got super into planking, and would post pictures on Facebook of himself balancing on like, a motorcycle or some sh*t? People are so weird.
if I had a dollar for every time someone tried to mansplain bitcoin to me, I could probably afford a bitcoin
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) December 22, 2019
Much like planking, I still have basically no idea what Bitcoin actually is. For a few months in 2017, cryptocurrencies were basically all anyone could talk about, and if you didn’t have at least 10 different dudes mansplain Bitcoin to you, congrats, you’re an outlier. Since 2018, demand for Bitcoin has dropped, in part due to hacks and other security concerns, and, I would guess, also in part because people realized they can just buy legal things with like, normal money. If you’re buying gifts for me, I’m a big fan of good old Benjamins.
Remember the summer of 2013 when everyone got yik yak, and all hell broke loose
— Dan 🧢 (@DannnThaMan) December 22, 2019
If you weren’t still in college during the brief, problematic fever dream that was Yik Yak, you probably have way less to talk about with your therapist. Basically Yik Yak was like an anonymous, location-based Reddit, where people could say whatever they wanted and get upvoted or downvoted. The app quickly exploded on college campuses, and it was a lot of fun, until threats and hate speech started getting an uncomfortable amount of upvotes. The app also made its way into high schools, which was even more of a disaster. Imagine getting outed on Reddit, but then everyone at your school sees it. Hard pass for me! The app was shut down in 2016, thank god.
in a time not too far from now somebody’s gonna feel sentimental about finding the fidget spinner that belonged to their grandpa who died from vaping
— everett byram (@rad_milk) October 15, 2019
As adults with jobs and responsibilities, most of you probably don’t stay super up to date on the latest fads in toys. Somehow, fidget spinners slipped through the cracks, and adults and kids alike became obsessed with flicking these dumb little things around on their fingers. I never owned one myself, but I’ll admit, they’re kinda fun. Still, there’s no reason for everyone to be going about their business in the world attached to a toy 24/7, so I’m glad this was a passing craze. Just download solitaire on your phone like a goddamn adult if you need something to distract you from your responsibilities.
I could’ve written a whole article on the dumbest slang of the 2010s. Just a few of the ones I don’t miss are on fleek, being shook, and getting litty titty, but none of those could hold a candle to getting turnt. It’s just… so bad. Of course, there’s the issue that turnt was never a real word to begin with, but the bigger issue is with how it’s used. By that, I mean that everyone used it all the time, whether it was supposed to be ironic, or they were actually talking about getting drunk. I don’t even want to know the amount of sh*tty apologies that included the words “too turnt,” but thankfully we’ve moved past this as a society.
just trying to find something that'll replicate the high of getting tagged in someone's muploads in 2011
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) December 22, 2019
Wow, this makes me feel old. Throwback to 2011, when nothing was more terrifying than waking up after a night out to a notification that “*insert name* tagged you in 14 photos.” And the photos were NEVER GOOD! After surviving the era of uploading absolutely everything to Facebook, it’s a true miracle that any of us got accepted to college, or got jobs, or literally have rights. These days, Facebook albums are pretty much a thing of the past, except for your one married friend who posts photos of her kid every. single. day. Hey Maggie, you don’t have to do that!
Images: Shutterstock; gimmenuggets, betchesluvthis (2), dannnthaman, rad_milk / Twitter; Giphy (3)
Congrats team, we’ve officially (almost) completed a full decade… WOW. Hard to think about the fact that I started this decade as a naive high school junior with jet black hair, an unreasonably orange tan, and a wardrobe complete with Ed Hardy graphic tees. Oh, how far I’ve come! I can speak for us all when I say that we have all have changed significantly over the past ten years, as we should. And, just as we have all changed, fashion too has evolved (for better and for worse). Like, who back in 2010 could have predicted that in 2019 we’d all be wearing baggy sweats with crop tops and dad sneakers because Kim Kardashian West (a future lawyer) made it cool to do so? Trends are a weird thing and, of course, we’ve seen some terrible ones over this past decade. So now let’s all try to contain our cringe sweats as we dive into the worst fashion trends from each year of this decade, and try to forget that we voluntarily chose to participate in these hideous trends.
Chico’s Pull-On Jeggings
What better way to kick off the worst trends of the decade than with jeggings! Oh, jeggings the true star of infomercials, weekend-deal-buster department store ads, and closet staple of all of the trashiest girls from your high school. No matter how hard anyone tried to “elevate” the jegging, it just simply couldn’t be done. At the end of the day, it was always still a legging-jean hybrid, two things that we should never have tried to mix. And thus, forever a great fashion tragedy.
2011: Toning Sneakers
Skechers Shape-ups 2.0
Toning sneakers… anyone, anyone? I mean, it’s kind of a brilliant concept in theory, but they were just so terrible to look at that it was impossible for anyone to get on board with this trend who wasn’t a suburban mom. Not to mention, there’s no evidence they even work. So
our moms we would be walking around with gigantic orthopedic shoes for nothing. Wait, you know what? I’m just realizing something…were these clunky toning sneakers foreshadowing of the chunky dad sneaker to come???
2012: Statement Necklaces
FSMILING Antique Gold Bib Statement Necklace
If Queen Stassi gave us anything, it was her hard endorsement of the statement necklace trend. Oh, along with, “It’s my f*cking birthday!” and “I’m not sure what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio.” Okay, she’s given us A LOT this decade. Unfortunately, even with all that she has given us, she is still guilty of being a strong supporter of this terrible trend. I don’t know who told us we should be walking around with the entire Cave of Wonders from Aladdin strapped to our necks, but they should be burned at the stake for that crime against humanity.
2013: Wedge Sneakers
Cambridge Lace-Up Fashion Sneaker Wedge
Wedge sneakers… yikes. If there is an overarching theme of bad 2000s fashion, it’s that we thought we could mix things that never should go together. There’s a reason you have sneakers for the gym and wedges for the club, so I don’t know who initially thought “let’s take my most comfortable, least fashionable shoes and make them hideous and harder to walk in!” But that person needs to be put to justice. I’m going to go ahead and admit here that I MAY have had a pair of these…or two. But it didn’t matter because I was always too self-conscious to wear them. For all the trends I’ve embraced, this is one that I just never thought I could actually pull off. And like, fair, because really, no one could.
2014: Printed Leggings
Idingding Galaxy Star Printed High Waist Leggings
I honestly don’t know what’s worse, cheap-looking jeggings or tacky printed leggings. And somehow, we managed to combine both into one very unflattering and NSFW trend! If you are wearing paper-thin printed leggings for anything other than lounging around your house or a Halloween costume, please take a long, hard look in the mirror.
2015: Flower Crowns
Flower Crown Floral Headpiece
If you didn’t wear a flower crown then you’re either a liar or you need to get out more. Everyone who is anyone has worn a flower crown at some point in time and, as cringe as that is, it’s the sad truth. Throwback to 2015 when flower crowns were the fashion icon of the festival trend. Every basic bitch who only listens to Top 40 hits was being #wanderlust and going to any music festival she could get her dad to buy her tickets to. And that was all fine and good, but then flower crowns made their way into weddings, and we officially had a fiasco on our hands, where any bitch who’d stepped outside one time thought she was a boho princess. This is why we can’t have nice things.
Forever 21 Cross Pendant Choker
Not going to lie, I definitely gave this trend my approval along with my hard-earned dollars for legit a piece of string with a charm hanging off of it. And, if I’m still being honest, this is a trend I do still kind of like. However, it’s the worst trend of 2016 because EVERY GIRL across this great nation was wearing a choker. It became so basic that seeing a girl in a choker was as much a guarantee as seeing a girl in her Adidas three stripes.
2017: Furry Sandals
Fluffy Sandals Faux Fur
Okay, again, this was actually a trend I do support, but only in theory. This is because I, like most regular everyday civilians, have no f*cking idea how or when to wear these shoes. I have several pairs of these because I think they’re adorable, but the question still remains: WHEN THE F*CK DO I WEAR THEM!?! They’re sandals, but they have fur, so if I wear them in the summer then my feet will inevitably sweat and make the fur all gross and matted. And, if I wear them in the winter then I’ll be on the same level as those white guys who wear shorts year-round, and I’ll have to sacrifice a few toes to frostbite. And then what’s left? Spring or fall maybe? But with what? And in what context? Even if these may be cute, they still make zero sense.
2018: Tiny Sunglasses
Slocyclub Vintage Small Sunglasses
Now, I know this is a trend that most of you probably hate and will fully get behind me crowning this the “worst trend of 2018.” Of course, as a self-proclaimed fashionista I admit that I do think this trend looks cool. Like, when I see Bella or Kendall wearing tiny sunglasses, it looks so chic. But therein lies the problem: You and I are not Bella or Kendall, and so there is no real-world occasion that these are useful. You’re wearing sunglasses that neither protect your eyes, nor the area around your eyes to help prevent wrinkles. This trend is legit just to look cool and, as much as I love to look cool, I still need my trends to, at the minimum, be somewhat practical. Not to mention, our kids are going to roast us so hard for this.
2019 – Micro Mini Bags
Pretty Little Thing Natural Snake Micro Mini Bag
Like I just stated, impractical trends are not my thing. I can’t justify spending money on sh*t that isn’t going to benefit my daily life. Unlike the sunglasses trend that, although impractical I still think looks cool, I don’t think the micro mini bag trend even looks cool, unless you’re Lizzo. And I just don’t see the point of a bag that can’t even fit my phone in it. What am I meant to put in here? A tube of Chapstick and one credit card? I’m good. Call me when Olsen-level oversized hobo bags come back in style, thanks.
So as we now approach the start of this totally new decade, I can’t help but think about how in 10 years from now I’ll again be looking back and cringing at all the terrible trends I actively participated in. Not to mention the fact that, unfortunately for us all, thanks to social media we will all have our fashion tragedies yet to come officially recorded for all eternity. And they say social media is bad for your mental health…
Images: Beauty Style / Shutterstock.com; Chicos; Skechers; Amazon (6); Forever 21; Pretty Little Thing
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Friends, we have officially almost made it to 2020. Taylor Swift’s self-titled debut album came out 13 years ago. Justin Bieber is married. Eminem’s daughter Hailie graduated from college in 2018 and has almost 2 million followers on Instagram. We. are. old. And it’s days like today, as I furiously Google where I can get discount botox, that I get nostalgic for my youth. It was a simpler time, a time when I could paper my walls with the cover of Tiger Beat and dream of making out with Shane West and being as cool as Lindsay Lohan. And this nostalgia got me thinking, what ever happened to my favorite stars of the 2000s? I mean, we know what happened to people like Lindsay Lohan (attempting to run a beach club, hanging out with a shady prince), and Amanda Bynes (mental breakdown, design school, another mental breakdown). But what happened to the ones that went on to have normal jobs? Let’s find out!
1. Dylan Sprouse
Dylan Sprouse is, of course, the identical twin brother of Jughead Jones, and one half of the iconic duo that relentlessly demanded Adam Sandler play them the Kangaroo song. He also lived the suite life of Zack and Cody, but apparently was not saddled with Ross Gellar as his fictional father (that was only Cole). Small mercies. Cole continues to act steadily on the CW’s most bonkers show, Riverdale, but Dylan has decided to take a different path in his life. And I don’t just mean professionally trolling his brother on Instagram. Dylan co-founded the All-Wise Meadery, New York’s first full production meadery located in Brooklyn, because of course. Sooooo that’s just a bar, right? Will I be murdered on-site by a man with a handlebar mustache the moment I enter Williamsburg for writing that?
The All-Wise Meadery website tells me that mead is also known as “honey wine” and is the oldest alcoholic drink known to man. Huh. I thought that was Bud Light. It also goes on to explain that, “It was upon graduation in 2015 that Sprouse realized his true passion for brewing, having spent the better part of his college career experimenting with different mead formulations and perfecting his recipes in the confines of the dorm rooms.” OKAY. Just because you mixed Kool-Aid with vodka in a garbage can for a house party and called it Jungle Juice does not make you a mead-ologist, Dylan. Needless to say, I am entirely skeptical of this mead, would never spend a dime on it, and will absolutely be going next weekend. Who’s with me?! Great, you can pay.
2. Jonathan Bennett
I'm baaaack @Flywheel Larchmont tomorrow with my NEW TIME of 7pm!! Go grab a bike it's Wednesday. (yes you can wear pink) ready to inspire!
— Jonathan Bennett (@JonathanBennett) March 11, 2014
Aaron Samuels may look sexy with his hair pushed back, but have you seen how sexy he looks dripping in sweat and wearing bike shorts? Yeah me either, but for a while back in 2013-14 you could have if you attended a Flywheel class in LA. According to Huffpo, Jonathan strove to “bring out the best” in all his riders. How sweet! I’ve only ever been verbally abused to the point of tears by spin instructors, which is apparently NOT enough to file a police report, according to the detective who threatened to sue me for wasting his time. Can you move to New York, please, Jonathan? I took 911 off my speed dial, I promise!
It looks like Jonathan no longer teaches spin (nice spin instructors finish last and all that, I’m sure) and is back to getting paid to act. I know this because I have seen him in multiple Hallmark Channel movies I have saved on my DVR. You go, Glen Coco!
3. Erik von Detten
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3rd star to the right & straight on till morning ✨ • • #AgentsofCompass #LosAngeles #SantaMonica #LosAngelesRealtor #RealEstate #LosAngelesRealEstate #MarinaDelRey #Venice #Brentwood #PlayaVista #AngelaVonDetten #AvD #CompassRealestate #halloween #firsthalloween #peterpan #tinkerbell #eClaire
If I was forced to pick a childhood crush that was not Devon Sawa, it would have to be Erik von Detten. I mean, could you get any sexier than Brink?! (Other than Casper or Junior Floyd or Scott Wormer, obviously). Erik was the epitome of a hot California guy, right up to his douchey turn in The Princess Diaries. It was all *chef’s kiss* perfect.
What has happened to this golden boy who shined so bright, you ask? Well, I have some very bad, terrible, horrible, no good news. He is happily married and just had a baby girl this past May. His wife and daughter are incredibly cute and adorably coordinated for Halloween and obviously I hate them. Oh, and I forgot this was supposed to be a job update article and not me lamenting over my lost loves. So, here it is. Erik works in sales now. HAPPY?!
4. Nikki Blonsky
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I’m speechless! It’s so well done and looks just like me! @punchypeaches I love this! Thank you for being such a dedicated fan and for making my Tracy part of you and your life forever! May the spirit and love of Tracy forever be with you! Rock on girl! This is epic! #TracyTurnbladTattoo #MyFace #LoveIt #IMPermanent PS well done @ali_burke_tattoo !
We all know Nikki as the star of Hairspray, the movie where she danced her way into our hearts, and more importantly, Zac Efron’s heart. Zac Efron’s beautifully coiffed, seductive, perfectly chiseled heart. Where was I? Oh yes, after Hairspray, Nikki found a few more roles, but nothing quite at the level that Hairspray was. She revealed in 2017 a profile with OUT that she would never consciously take a step away from the industry, but, that doesn’t mean she hasn’t pursued other things. For a while, she went back home to Long Island and worked in a hair salon while waiting for her next acting job to come around. Gotta get that bread (are the kids still saying that these days?). Even people who had John Travolta in drag play their mother in a major motion picture have bills to pay. Nikki still has some small roles to this day, and continues to pay tribute to her iconic character. She’s also randomly become iconic f0r her Cameo videos, because 2019.
5. Teddy Dunn
This update is basically for me and It’s Britney, Betch, which is totally fine, because as we always tell each other after 1.5 bottles of wine, we’re the only ones who matter anyway. Teddy Dunn played Duncan Kane on two seasons of Veronica Mars, and I guess was scarred by the fact that he was a part of the greatest incest plot twist of all time (take that, Riverdale!), because he barely acted after leaving the show. I think he made a guest appearance on Gilmore Girls as the son of one of Emily’s rich friends, but we’re too deep in this very long article for me to attempt to confirm the accuracy of anything my brain is telling my fingers to type. Recently, Teddy gave an interview to TV Guide, saying he didn’t realize that the acting business was going to be quite a “business,” and left to pursue a law degree at Boston College. He now works as a law associate at a firm in New York. Who knew the donut had it in him! BRB while I find his company, charm my way past security, and convince him to go to Dylan Sprouse’s meadery with me.
And those are just a few of my favorite 2000s stars that have normal jobs now! Welcome to the real world, celebrities, you’re gonna hate it.
Images: allwisemeadery, angelavondetten, nikkiblonsky/Instagram; jonathanbennett/Twitter
I really am not one to fangirl over reboots of my favorite 90s TV shows and movies simply because of the nostalgia factor. Time and time again, the reboot proves to not even come close to the original (and that’s why I don’t talk to my exes). BH90210 was a meta-clusterf*ck. Baywatch was a total disaster that even The Rock and Zac Efron couldn’t save. We don’t even talk about Mean Girls 2. And yet history does nothing to stop Hollywood from insisting on making reboot after reboot, demanding us millennials to get excited and watch it, even though we can still watch the original on repeat on Netflix. And what do we do? We play right into the narrative, with our “OMG A ‘GREASE’ REBOOT IS COMING” articles and our Twitter hype, never stopping to question if we should do something just because we technically can. And so today’s reboot that probably some people asked for, but I was definitely not one of them is Clueless. And, while we don’t know a whole lot about the Clueless reboot, what we do know is… concerning.
Entertainment Weekly reports that Clueless is in talks to be remade into a TV series by CBS Television Studios, and it apparently already has multiple bidders. Deadline reports that multiple streaming services as well as the CW are interested. (My personal vote would be the CW since, as you’ll see in the description, this new Clueless would fit right in with the likes of Riverdale.) Again, we do not know much about what this Clueless reboot will entail, but we do know that it’s going to be executive produced by Corinne Brinkerhoff, who created American Gothic and No Tomorrow, and it’s going to be written by Jordan Reddout and Gus Hickey, who wrote Will and Grace. These are some interesting choices, but not nearly as interesting as the description of the TV show Entertainment Weekly provided.
This Clueless reboot TV show is actually going to be centered around Dionne, and I sincerely hope that they are not even considering bringing Stacey Dash into this—not even as the new Dionne’s mom—because her problematic behavior does not need to be brought back into the public consciousness. In any case, Dionne is the main character, as Cher Horowitz disappears, and Dionne is forced to step into her role as Queen Bee. Or, as the unofficial description puts it, “a baby pink and bisexual blue-tinted, tiny sunglasses-wearing, oat milk latté, and Adderall-fueled look at what happens when the high school Queen Bee (Cher) disappears and her life-long No. 2 (Dionne) steps into Cher’s vacant Air Jordans. How does Dionne deal with the pressures of being the new most popular girl in school, while also unraveling the mystery of what happened to her best friend, all in a setting that is uniquely 2020 L.A.?”
First, in what world does Cher Horowitz wear Air Jordans? I don’t know about you guys, but I just took an Adderall, and that description still gave me a headache. (Just kidding mom, it was only a Sudafed!) This kind of reminds me of Euphoria, and I’m bregrudgingly into the idea that the creators are making their Clueless reboot grittier and darker. However, this whole description reads like these writers Googled “millennial buzzwords” and threw them all together in a word salad. Or, if you’re looking for a visual description:
If this all sounds familiar, that’s because Clueless was already adapted into a TV show. It aired from 1996-1999 and starred Amy Heckerling as Cher (since Alicia Silverstone wasn’t available) and Stacey Dash as Dionne. However, while the ’90s TV show was not much of a departure from the original movie, this 2020 adaptation is going to be markedly different. For all my complaining, I actually think that if you’re going to revive a 90s classic, you need to go in a totally different direction with it. So that I support. The thing is, though, this could have been a totally new TV show and it would have still been compelling. There was no real reason to bring Cher and Dionne into this. That said, I did watch and enjoy Riverdale season one, so if the Clueless TV series is in the same vein, it might actually be good… until it jumps the shark in season 2.
Images: Giphy (2)